She was Her Desire

Moment of truth

Jess never asked about the text message she had read from Stacy’s phone. Instead, she kept quiet, it was not her phone and neither was it her place to question Stacy. She trusted her. If anything, she felt guilty for ever sleeping with Scarlet, what was she thinking? She thought while she paused typing. She had to develop content for five websites. It was on a Monday afternoon and she had been busy the whole day. She had not had time to stretch or a bathroom break. She could see people walking in and out of HO offices but she was too occupied to care. She decided to take a coffee break. In the kitchen, Scarlet was chatting with a few other employees but they all went silent when she entered.

“Hello Jess,” Scarlet said, looking at Jess straight in the face.

“Oh,hello.” Jess replied as she poured coffee out of the coffee maker. She couldn’t look at Jess in the face. Instead, she started walking out. Everyone else left the kitchen. It was like they knew something.

“You were briefing them now.” Jess asked. She had already concluded that Scarlet had told their colleagues about everything.

“Briefed who? And about what?” Scarlet was getting fed up with Jess.

“I don’t know, what was that all about?” She asked.

“Not everything is about you Jess.” Scarlet said as she walked out. You could tell that she was angry from the way she left the kitchen. Jess poured herself a cup of coffee and left for her office.

In the office, Jess stared out the window. It was already minutes past 3:00 PM and the traffic jam had already started. The Boston Highway looked more like a parking lot that a highway. As she stared, she let her mind wander. She didn’t know what to do about Stacy and James. For some reason, Stacy had stopped mentioning his name as often. It was like they didn’t talk anymore. Jess had been paying attention ever since she read the message. She wanted to let it go, she wanted to think that they were fine, although Stacy was still hang up on Scarlet. She was still a little mad that Jess had cheated on her, with a workmate. However, there was no way she was going to give her pass. She did trust her but something felt wrong. She stayed here, with her eyes roaming out the window. She was startled by movements into her office. She turned and Stacy stood there. She rarely visited her in the office but there she was. She would be leaving the office in less than thirty minutes and there was no other perfect timing. She was glad to see her.

“Heey,” Jess said, smiling at Stacy. She rose up and walked towards her. She wore a short blue skirt and a white tank top. It was a hot month after all.

“What are you doing here?” Jess asked after planting a light kiss on her girlfriend’s lips. She pulled out a chair for her.

“Can’t I just surprise my girlfriend every now and then?” Stacy interjected.

Jess turned to go back to her elegant seat on the other side of the desk. When she settled, she noticed Scarlet was staring at them through then glass wall of her office. She tried to ignore her but she could feel her eyes on her which made her a little uncomfortable.

“I didn’t say that. It is actually a pleasant surprise.” Jess said calmly. For a moment, she stared at Stacy. She was still as beautiful as she had been when they met. Her smile meant everything to her. She reached out and held Stacy’s hand. They felt so soft and warm, a feeling she had always wanted to have. Stacy was her life; at that moment, Jess realized that she was totally in love with her.

“So what time are you clocking out?” Stacy asked.

“I gues in about twenty minutes or so.” Jess responded, looking at the wall clock in her office.

“Good.” Stacy said as she stood up and walked round the desk to where Jess sat.

“Why do you ask” Jess was curious.

“Nothing much. I thought I could wait for you and we can go home together.” Stacy said honestly.

She wanted to grab a drink with Jess as they used to before they all got busy. After all, she had missed spending time with her.

“Alright, we can actually leave. It is not like I have much to do anyway.” She said as she packed her laptop and tablet. The two ladies walked out of the office together. As they walked out, jess could feel her colleagues’ eyes on them but she walked away, boldly.

As usual, they walked down the street to the local bar around the corner, just a few blocks from their apartment. They entered the bar which was almost empty. They sat at the far end corner with Jess facing the entrance. She could see everyone entering or leaving the bar. The waiter arrived and they ordered their drinks. It was a great evening to relax and relax after the pressure at work. Jess was thinking about what she had seen in Stacy’s phone, that text message. A part of her wanted to ask about it but the she couldn’t. For some reason, she preferred to not ask. She couldn’t handle the heartbreak, she couldn’t imagine the whole scenario.

“You are so quiet today.” Stacy interrupted her thoughts making her a little jumpy. “You are jumpy too, so what is it?” Stacy asked. She had been battling with the dilemma to tell Jess about whatever happened between her and James but how could she? How could she tell her anything when she didn’t remember it herself? She kept wondering.

“I am alright, it is just that it has been a long day, a really long day.” Jess replied.

“I’m sorry baby. I didn’t know. We won’t be here for long though. You need to rest.” Stacy said. She honestly cared about Jess and couldn’t imagine a life without her.

“It’s okay. I am actually happy about it.” Jess said. As much as she was doubtful, she couldn’t deny the fact that she loved Stacy.

“No other girl has ever bought me a drink” She said.

“Really? What kind of women were you into?” Stacy said.

“I don’t know either. You just happen to be the only one for me.” Jess said, smiling at her beautiful girlfriend.

Right that moment, Jess noticed a tall, dark white man entering the bar. It was James, she recognized him. She felt so much hatred and anger but she couldn’t do anything about it. She wanted to see how that would play out. Stacy was still smiling at her, talking to her but she wasn’t concentrating. Anger and jealousy had consumed her soul.

“Are you okay babe?” Stacy asked. She could always tell when she wasn’t alright.

“I am cool.” Jess replied, trying her best to conceal her feelings. She didn’t want to show this side of her to anyone, dark angry side. She felt her throat tighten, she knew she had to leave the bar immediately. She took a few sips from her bottle and they paid the bills and left. Before they exited the bar, James came running towards them. Jess had not seen him this time. He tapped Stacy on her shoulders. She turned to face him and her eyes froze, she stood there.

“Hey Jess, Stacy, can I talk to you for a minute.” James said.

Stacy stood there, she was beyond surprised. Jess could read the fear in her eyes. She was scared, it was as if someone had declared a death sentence upon her. She could barely breathe.

“Stacy, you okay?” James said. At this point, Jess was getting fed up with his presence.

“You better walk away man. What the hell did you do to her?” Jess asked. She was getting furious but she always cared about Stacy no matter how hard the situation was.

“Babe, baby, are you okay?” Jess asked, cupping her girlfriend’s cheeks in her palms. She was scared to see her this way, she had never seen her that way.

“Baby, Stacy!” Jess was calling when she answered softly.

“What the hell babe, are you okay? Do you need a doctor?” Jess was really scared at that moment.

“Umh, no. I am okay, I will be okay.” Stacy answered. She wanted to go home, and never see James again. She hated the day she met him.

She wanted to forget him but she knew it was too late. She needed to be prepared for anything because she was sure that Jess would find out in one way or the other. She chose to do right by her, she would be the one to tell her, no matter how scary it was.

“Umh…baby…I don’t know what to say.” Stacy started when they got to their apartment. Jess wanted her to get back to normal before anything else. She lay her on the couch and brought a glass of water for her.

“Just get comfortable, huh.” Jess said, holding her girlfriend up.

“I don’t think I want to keep it longer.” Stacy realized that the only way to get over it was to address the issue right there. However much she tried, she didn’t want to lie to her girlfriend. She was scared of herself. If she could manage to lie about this, what more could she do? She kept wondering. She didn’t want to blow the only thing that ever mattered to her this much. Jess had already become a part of her that she needed dearly.

“I think we need to have a conversation Jess.” Stacy said. She was hoping that Jess would find it in her heart to forgive her. Forgive her like she forgave her for sleeping with Scarlet. Or maybe they were even now that each one of them had cheated.

“Are you sure you are okay?” Jess asked. She had been worried the whole time. She didn’t want to think that Stacy would hurt her in any way. If anything, she always felt bad for what she did. She shouldn’t have slept with Scarlet. She shouldn’t blame her for it, instead, she had been stupid. Stupid enough to have cheated on her girlfriend. It wasn’t fair or justified. It was just out of line.

“I am okay, but I have done something and I am afraid that you may not forgive me.” Stacy uttered. Her lips were trembling at that moment.

“I would forgive you baby, what is it. Is it James?” Jess asked. She could feel her muscles tense. She clenched her fists, not to fight but she needed to get a hold of herself. She had been away of her anger issues since she was little. She had never been able to control her emotions. She was the kind of a person that would throw tantrums but she wanted to be calm. She would never hurt Stacy. Not that she had ever been in a physical fight before. She wanted to listen but a part of her was a little scared that she wouldn’t take it.