watching my crush , crash my heart

I have never experienced love before, I just had crushes on people but the feelings disappeared after a few weeks anyway.in my life I just accepted that love isn't for me because normal people could get it so easily, while I had to climb mountains and swim oceans just to get it, but I didn't have it anyway.i agreed to join the media after my best friend Vivian convinced me. I thought things would be interesting since for the first time I interacted with many people, but I was an introvert so it felt very uncomfortable. Then she introduced me to her friends Travis and Mike.I hated myself for being too shy ,to even give my opinion about anything.My friend Vivian on the other hand was having her best time.I then couldn't help but notice that my eyes kept looking on Travis,I mean why was I like this, I bet he already noticed that.Now the training part begun , and I can tell that's when one could say that I'm suffering from concentration problems.The one who was training me was Mike and he had to say something like "hey did you get it, is your mind even here?" after every minute. I mean it sounded so..... boring, as boring as my chemistry lessons after lunch, why was time moving so ..... slowly. Then finally someone interrupted," Do you need any help with anything"said Vivian.Then Travis came and said ," I hope you are not taking our guest to fast Mike,"and they kept making silly jokes , which made me overthink so much, they made jokes like "Travis, try your chances before she's taken ,or it will be too late." Me and my overthinking mind , I started telling myself that maybe he had a crush on me or something. At least someone would actually love me, since I had been craving for love for so long.This was something I bet no one would understand.Wait I'm I having a crush on him or something,I knew something must be wrong, when it was time to go home all of them said goodbye to us.