A Shy Girls Love Story

Chapter Four "Distance Sealed Our Fates"

   I graduated my senior year, and moving on to join the Army that same year. I felt like I needed to escape my hometown, to try and let go of what my mind and heart were holding onto. I guess just up and leaving never really gets rid of any thing from your past. I never obsessed over Brice, I never stalked him, I never had any impure thoughts of him. He was always an angel to me so I respected him as such, I purely loved him. Strange how I gave my heart to him when I never connected to him other than locking eye contact. He was the first boy that I made true eye contact with, one who I actually looked into their eyes and saw them. Yeah he blew me off and ignored / avoided me, I was hurt later on after realizing that he never really meant for us to be anything related to romance. Remember how everyone has that moment in their lives that they know the one they loved didn't feel the same way for them, but that didn't stop them for continuing to give their heart. I never regretted my feelings for him, still don't.

   I thought the military would rid my life of my past, but it just amplified what I missed the most. As the years went on, I've come forget what he looked like, forgetting some of the memories I had of him. I foolishly thought back then that it was for the best, reality set in, and I was an adult so I had to focus on becoming a hardworking citizen. So I spent three years in the military, and getting out the moment I could was another happy moment in my life. To this day I don't claim any Veterans benefits, I believe they go to the most deserving veterans, not like me. But anyway I ended up finding a new love from an online chatroom, and we talked for a couple months before meeting in person. We talked about anything and everything since he was a very open man. He ended up being in just the next state over, so we both decided that it was time we met in real life. Once we did, I fell head over heels for him. He wasis handsome, caring, very romantic, and a cheeseball. We hit it off right away and became a couple, so I ended up moving with him to his hometown. Then five months later I became pregnant with our first child, that later on in pregnancy we found out it was a girl. She was born in July, and we named her Layla. Luckily I worked at a loan center that was very welcoming to me bringing my baby girl to work all of the time. So for nearly three years I worked with our little girl while my husband worked also at a frozen foods factory. He worked grave yard shifts so we hardly ever seen him since me and baby Layla left when he got home, and we got back when he left for work. I loved him dearly even though we had disagreements, though our love wasn't always peachy. We had to work at it, true commitment to each other was key, he loves his family, and I loved his faithfulness to his family. Unfortunately he got laid off from his job, and we struggled to keep up with high rent, and other bills. So I talked with him about just moving back to my hometown, and he agreed. It being a lot cheaper in my hometown was a better option for us at that time. So we packed up and moved, which was another blessing as my parents could meet our daughter for the first time. 

   We moved into a home owned by my parents that was near their place, and we paid them rent and other utilities. They were very kind and said we could just pay them however much we could afford. So we worked something out in the end. As we settled and looked for jobs in town, and enjoyed relaxing for a bit and spent a lot of time with our daughter. I got a job a gas station in town, but it was only on call work, and my husband found a job at the local grocery store. It was meek pay for the first few months, so we couldn't do much. 

   I visited my parents often after moving back, reconnecting and just talking about what changed in town. A few well known people died, among those people was Brice's father. I didn't find out how he died but I didn't want to disrespect his passing so I left it at that. When I found out about his passing though, it opened up a lot of memories that I had forgotten. It felt like I no longer suffered amnesia, remembering Brice, and his face, and the memories of all those years ago. I immediately wondered how how was doing, or how he was handling his fathers passing. Hoping he was okay.

   I never seen him at the gas station I worked at so I assumed he had moved too, and started his own family. So I continued to work and live out my days, until I got tired of the on-call work. I was never moved to a scheduled position like I was promised so I quit and started work at my husbands work place. By this time a few years had passed, and our daughter was six years old. One day I was working the register, it was very slow that day so I was able to take a breather and also clean around my counter. As I stood there cleaning I heard someone enter the store but paid no mind to them since it was slow and I wanted to focus on cleaning before the customer arrived to pay for their stuff. I got done and another customer entered the store but I couldn't see who it was because the one who entered earlier came up and I began swiping their items through the scanner. As I got done processing their payment and waited for their receipt to print, that person came up with their items and put them on the belt, I didn't look at them because I turned to hand the other person their receipt, only to see them already leaving with their bags. I playfully stood dumbfounded as I was holding the receipt in the air like a ghost was supposed to grab it or something. The customer started laughing, a man that had a smooth masculine tone even while laughing. I turned to see who it was to laugh with him at my silliness. It was Brice!

   My movements instantly became mechanical, I ended up making some weird nervous laugh at the same time. I don't know what happened in that moment but I felt my ears get hot from wild embarrassment. I took a quick glance at him to see him still smiling while he was doing something with his wallet. He said, "Thanks for a good laugh!" I was so shook up that I just idiotically muttered, "meh, no problem." Like what the heck Cara?! Get a hold of yourself, your an adult! As I scanned his items like a robot, and told him his total he handed me the money. I for some odd reason tried to avoid touching his hand, so I delicately took his money with the tip of my finger not paying attention to any reaction he had to that movement. I was still smiling as I gave him his change and he took it, as he grabbed his bag I said, "have a good evening!" And I quickly turned away to pretend to do something else because I felt my ears getting hot again. I didn't hear a response so I left it at that, but his voice, his laugh. That was the first time I heard either and I was brought back into my young crush for him. as quickly as remembering that, I remembered my husband. I refused to have a crush that wasn't my husband, so I pushed it to the back of my mind. 

   Working register I was able to reconnect with a few friends from the past as well, so it was nice working publicly like that. One time working register, it was busy so I was flying people through my checkout. I always hated slow checkouts so I didn't want to be one. Then a woman came to my checkout, she was very pretty, then I seen Brice follow her and put their things on the belt. Honestly I wasn't shocked, nor surprised that he had a wife, and they matched outfits which I thought was cute. They were both quiet as I scanned their items, processed their payment and they left just as quickly as they showed up. That's the nice thing about becoming an adult, willing to accept things like these instances. 

   As the days and months went on, I saw him and his wife every now, and then. After another year I became pregnant with our twins, so after a few months of working at the grocery store I had to quit because carrying twins is no joke on the poor belly. 

   The twins were born, grew to be toddlers, I stopped going to that grocery store. I just moved on, I still love my husband dearly because we both went through a lot and we conquered all the obstacles thrown at us. I opened up about Brice because I wanted to get these memories of him out there for someone to know, to know that I loved him, I was too shy to tell him anything as a teen. I want to think that he had a hint of a feeling for me too but I feel like I'm just lying to myself, I always believed that maybe he did and sadly we chose our paths, and our paths were never meant to come together. Fleeting, Young, Foolish, Oblivious. I thought of these when I think of myself as a teen, wishing I could go back and tell him how I felt, regretting not being honest to those girls when they asked if I liked him. I was more willing to protect myself from being bullied or teased for likingloving a popular boy. I couldn't stop thinking about him, like I couldn't control why I was so attached to him. I still don't know why I think about him. 

   I never seen him after that, and I'll probably will never see him again, but I'm okay now because this is a liberation for me. these feelings are no longer trapped in my heart, I can freely let them go because someone knows now. That's why I asked if it was worth it to give your first love to a boy that never went beyond a crush, and I'm not talking about idols, or celebrities just because we know they're already unattainable heheh!

   This was a short story from my younger years about my first love, and I hope you enjoyed reading my confession! Thank you!