What A Year

“Hi,” I stand, walking slowly to you. This could just be another bad dream. You gradually sit up in bed, looking around. A table, a chair, and two humming machines are all that fill the room. Then, you look at me and my blood runs cold. When our eyes would meet, before, lights would sparkle and crackle between us. But now, your eyes are empty. Void of any spark. “Do you know where you are?” I ask calmly, mainly for myself. Again, your eyes drift around the room before finally returning to me, “A hospital?”. Your raspy voice swims along my skin. I sit on the bed opposite you, “Yes. Do you know who I am?” You tilt your head, examining me, so unlike you. “No, I don’t know who you are, but,” you look down at your hands, “I don’t know who I am either. There’s nothing,” you whisper into the room. Even your voice is different, not light and musical, but cut and broken. I yearn to hear you say my name. I stand and turn to shield my bouncing emotions. “Is there anything you do remember?” After a few awkwardly quiet seconds, “I only remember hearing Guadalupe. Am I Guadalupe?” Turning back, I nod yes and sit in the chair. Instantly memories flood me. The sound of your laughter. The smell of your shampoo. Your soft lips on mine. You haven’t even reached out to me. No words of love have been passed between us. And now? We sit quietly and you avoid my eyes. Who are you? Taking a deep breath, I focus on calming my thoughts. Don’t assume. Suddenly, your mom is opening the door and speaking to someone at the desk. When she turns and sees you up in bed, she freezes. I go to close the door and tap her shoulder. She wakes from the shock and blurts out, “Do you remember anything?” You shake your head. You two just stare at each other and now the room feels like it’s getting smaller. “I think I’ll go down and check on Lola while you two talk.” This wasn’t the welcome I was expecting. Where is our love? I turn back to you, Lupe. Hoping the power of our love could reach somewhere your memories couldn’t. But, I leave defeated and alone. “Victor, please be careful,” Tonya says as l walk out with a pain in my chest. I stop at the nurse’s desk to let them know you’re spending some time with your mom. My footsteps echo in the hallway as every instinct tells me to turn around and never leave your side. You’re on the fourth floor, so I take the elevator down to see Lola, my beautiful chocolate lab. Lola was a gift from my parents on Christmas when I was ten. She’s the only piece left that I have of them. That pain echoes today. Same rhythm, different verse. Her comfort and presence keep me grounded. I walk out and see her. She loves napping in the truck bed. When I get closer, she stands, waiting for me. I hug her tight and hold on. I breathe in her wonderful scent. It calms an ache in my heart. I straighten up and scratch behind her ears until her eyes close. “You ready to go, girl?” She circles the bed twice and sits down. We look at each other in silence, “Yes, she’s awake,” she gives a playful yelp, “but she’s staying here.” She lets out an unladylike growl and slumps, dramatically, on her side. I get in the truck and open the rear window so she can climb in and sit up front with me while I text Tonya. Me: I’m heading to Zeke’s. I can’t be here right now. She’s different. It’s messing with me. Tonya: We’ll figure this out, Vic. She doesn’t remember anything right now, but over time she will. Me: Yeah, I know. Tonya: Just get some rest and be careful. Me: Ok. Keep me posted. I put my phone away and drive to my uncle’s house in the woods. I hate to leave you, Lupe, but maybe space will help us both. I know I can take up a lot of room. Silence keeps me company as Lola sleeps beside me. My mind is somewhere I do not want to be right now, so I focus only on the route to my destination and nothing else. When I turn onto Zeke’s dirt road, I see the woods. Our woods. We’d spend hours in a cave we found in there. Our future planned out in that cave, etched into the walls by our voices. That is where everything went wrong the night of your coma. I haven’t told them everything about that night, but only because you deserve to hear it first, Lupe. I drive up to Zeke’s house. He comes out typing on his phone and meets me. “I hear you’ve had quite a day.” “You know me, tío. I live for excitement,” I reply sarcastically. Lola bounces out of the truck and Zeke pulls me in for a tight hug. I lean into him. The other source of my comfort and peace. After my parents died, I came to live with Uncle Zeke and now he’s my home. It’s late in the afternoon, and I can smell dinner. “Enchiladas?” I say with a hopeful smile as I pull away. “Go wash up so we can eat.” I head upstairs to my bedroom and even here are memories of us. Walking out my room, I see a note you scribbled for me. MY MATE—written on a purple post it with little hearts. I slide my finger across it and head downstairs. Zeke is finished setting the table and comes around the corner with two very big plates in hand. After a few minutes of quiet eating, I break the silence. “How about after this, we go and take care of the lawn out back?” I offer. “Feeling better already, I see,” he says. His food always leaves me full of energy and a clear mind. It’s pushed the dark thoughts back into a corner, even if just for a while. “I miss her so much,” I whisper into the dining room, unable to hold in the words. “I know son.” Zeke covers my hand with his and a comfortable warmth flows through me. We put away the dishes and I put out food for Lola and get to work. It’s dusk now, and naturally, I reach into our bond to see how you’re dealing. Nothing. I can’t connect with you. I think nothing of it— your mom taught you how to block out unwanted pokes into your mind. I move onto another task and after a while, I try our bond again. This time, I’m visualizing myself dismantling a brick wall, just like you showed me. I get through. I’m feeling impressions of what you’re experiencing. I can barely make out you and your mother’s voices. Then, as the bond starts to really open and I get a whiff of rain, something physically grabs me and hurls me across the yard. I land hard on the driveway by my truck. Zeke runs over, “What did you do?” he demands. I give him a cross look. “Why would it be something I did?” I say darkly. “Because, when it comes to Lupe, Vic, you don’t always think things through.” I lay back down on the ground and recount my steps to him. “I reached into our bond and at first I was blocked. I tried again a little later and this,” I gesture up and down at myself, “is the result of me getting through.” He comes over to help me. “I was texting Tonya when you pulled up,” he says. “She wants us there at 11 tomorrow to go over what happened.” He puts his hands on my shoulders and stares into me, “I don’t know what it is you’re hiding, but I know there’s something you’re not telling me.” I look away from his accusing stare. He gives me a gentle squeeze, “I will always be on your side Victor.” He drops his hands, “Let’s finish tomorrow. You look horrible.” Lola follows me upstairs, and I collapse onto the bed. She lies next to me, and I drape my arm over her. Was it supposed to rain today? Her sweet scent pushes away the angry thoughts that try to find me before sleep does.