LOVER'S PARADOX

CHAPTER II

● TO BEHAVE WELL,

YOU HAVE TO BEHAVE BADLY●

I looked for Jared inside the resto and walked to his spot once I found him. I was staring at his eyes as I felt the crowd's gaze all over my body.

“You good?” he asked while holding a bouquet. It was white tulips with some red roses.

It is my favorite bouquet—is it for me?

I nodded my head and sat when he offered me a seat. “Do you have a date?” he added as he scanned my whole dress.

I looked at him—confused. What the heck? What does he want me to wear inside this goddamn resto? A f— pajamas? Tsk.

I slightly pulled down the dress that I am wearing before I shook my head and shifted my gaze. I don't want to see his face for f**k's sake. He's still an asshole up to now.

“Anyways, my date will be here in... five minutes. So, please, feel free to choose another table before she arrives.” My lips parted as I heard him say those words.

His what? Wait. So, what the hell am I doing here? If he has a f*****g date then... oh yeah right, I forgot, I am just here to observe his shitty behavior and told him what to do and don'ts to make that girl fall for him.

I rolled my eyes before taking the seat on the left side of his table and after a minute or two, a girl suddenly approached him. Wearing a white dress—same as mine—f**k, and black stiletto heels. Her hair falls perfectly and she has a small doll-like face.

Flashbacks started to occupy my brain—how Jared teases me back then and told me that I looked like a freakin' witch.

She's so far above me.

They look good together.

Bet they'll make a great couple.

I shook my head once more as I heard my voice.

Thankfully, the waiter approached me and offered the menu. I ordered some medium-rare steak and some beer without even looking at the list.

Oh, God, she looks so sophisticated. She never forgets to cover her mouth when laughing and smiling. She's so... classy, I must say.

Curses. I should be observing Jared's behavior but all I can see and hear was laughter from both of them.

Forget it. I should just focus on my food, this is a blessing after all.

I was busy hitting up my steak when I noticed Jared stood up and made his way to the comfort room—not a minute passed, my phone received his text.

“I told you to observe us, didn't I? Stop eating for once in a while, damn it.” He texted.

He's so f—demanding, isn't he?

“Fine.” I shortly replied after rolling my eyes.

I wiped my mouth using the napkin and noticed that the girl was staring at me, so I tried to act normal but it was awkward.

I also noticed how she bowed her head and whispered something as soon as Jared sat across her again.

Jared looked at me as the girl took another sip from her martini—and then he laughed.

He f*****g laughed.

Oh God, I don't think I can do this.

[ JARED' s ]

“Aww. Thanks for the flowers! Did you know that white tulips mostly mean 'condolences' or 'I'm sorry?” Iris asked while staring at the bouquet.

I simply cleared my throat. What the f**k?

“Ah...” I was about to say no when she said “Forget it. It's alright. White tulips could also mean purity and holiness.” I raised my eyebrows and smiled.

“Holiness, haha! Know it's a perfect gift for someone celebrating a religious milestone, such as a communion, baptism, an—” This time, I'm the one who didn't let her finish.

Damn it. It feels like I'm dating Siri.

“Haha! Well, then, that's enough. How was your day though?” I tried my best to change the subject and thank God it worked.

She told me about her day—how her dad wants her to have the latest model of her owned car, how she wants to cut her hair short but she can't because she'll look eighteen, how she used to hate their neighbor because of always wearing the same clothes every Friday. I sighed and faked my laugh.

I simply glanced at Mia on the other side. She was busy having her steak without a care in the world.

“Hey, are you listening?” Iris slightly waved her hands on my face.

“Yeah, I am. I just need to go to the comfort room. Give me a minute.” I stood up and made my way through the hallways.

Fuck it, Mia. I can't pay you like this.

“I told you to observe us, didn't I? Stop eating for once in a while, damn it.” I instantly sent a text message and fixed my hair before going back to our table.

I didn't even bother to look at her reply. Is she expecting me to pay her for being an undercover third wheel? Tsk.

“Hey ...” Iris signaled me to lean forward as she whispered “Look at the girl on your left, wearing the same dress as mine” I'm well aware that she was referring to Mia, “Poor dress. I bet it's fake.” she giggled as she took a sip on her martini. I also laughed while hoping that it didn't sound fake.

[ MIA's ]

I stood up and took the whole bottle of Devil's springs to the waiter. Let's see if you can still laugh with the price of this 1000ml vodka, asshole.

I bit the lemon and took my first shot while looking at them.

They look like clowns, to be honest—plus they don't compliment each other's faces. The girl's eyes were too big for Jared's tantalizing eyes.

She looks like a doll, but the one witches use for witchcraft. Her legs are too small, mine was f*****g thick. Tsk!

I took my second shot.

Jared's lips were too small for hers. They won't enjoy kissing each other, I suppose. Oh, and her hair, 'twas too straight—Jared likes wavy hair.

Oh, wait. Does he?

Does he still like wavy hair? Like how he used to like mine four years ago?

Fuck, whatever, mine's more attractive than hers.

“Ughh,” I murmured after having my fifth shot.

What else, Mia? What else...

I stared at the girl who was now looking straight at Jared. She was smiling all the damn time and trying to look cute.

Eww. She looks like a pig's foot. She's also tall, which doesn't compliment Jared's height. I bet she's 5'7 even without those heels. I'm 5'4, perfect for those who are 5' 9.

Oh, God. I feel so... pathetic.

“Mia?”

I can feel my eyes getting heavy.

I don't want to see them. They both look so ugly with each other I must say.

“Hey...”

I can feel someone's hands on my burning cheeks before finally losing my senses.

What an awful day, indeed.

I woke up in Jared's room—again, but this time, I'm the only one who was there.

Oh for f**k's sake, I need to contain myself when he's around. I can't act like I'm still affected by what happened four years ago cause I'm not anymore.

Am I?

Forget it.

I went straight to the fridge to get some cold water then to his living room where I saw his Mother's Starry Night's diamond puzzle.

I can still remember the way he smiled that night when he told me how his Mother loves to build and collect diamond puzzles.

The frame on the right wall catches my attention too, it's their family picture and they looked so happy.

I dropped a bitter smile knowing we don't have any of that. Isn't it ironic when you don't even feel that you belong to your so-called family?

As a kid, I always thought that being home is entering the four walls of your house, laying in bed with the cold old ceiling above, but it's not—being home is a feeling.

You can feel like you're home wherever you are as long as you're with the right person.

Unfortunately, I honestly think I would never feel any of that. I would never feel like I'm home—not even with myself. Not with this prison flesh of mine.

I don't even know myself sometimes. I don't know if I'm afraid of getting hurt or if I'm afraid of hurting someone... someone I love.

I am so f****d up.

My chest began to gasp for air.

Fuck, not now, Mia.

I sat in the corner while slowly tapping my chest.

“Why now?” my voice cracked as I asked myself.

This is what I'm talking about, I can't even control this goddamn flesh, this body, I can't even make myself calm down. I hate it.

Breathe. All you need to do is breathe. I suddenly heard Cole's voice as if she was sitting right next to me.

I tried to gasp for air as the tears traced my face.

Breathe...

Breathe...

I started to look for five things... five things that I can touch.

Fan

laptop

pen

Curses.

I can't think straight.

The slowly tapping on my chest began to get aggressive...

I hate it.

I hate how they see me

I... I just want to dissolve into thin air

As if I don't even exist.

I can feel my chest begin to feel numb when someone grabs my hands.

[ JARED' s ]

I ended the call soon as I thanked Glem for dropping Mia at my apartment.

Everything went fine, I also got the chance to drive Iris home. She's a bit off when it comes to storytelling, but we'll be able to work that s**t out.

“Damn it, Glem.” I said when I noticed that he left the main door open.

I was about to throw my suit and tie at the couch when a silhouette passed by.

Oh hell, I thought it was a f*****g ghost. I was about to scream when I realized that it was just Mia wearing the f*****g white dress, of course.

She looks so innocent.

No one can ever think she can hurt someone just like that.

Easy as that.

My jaw tightened while watching her roam in my living room.

I still want to ask her why.

Why did she do that?

Why did she leave just like that?

Easy as that.

As if I'm nothing to her.

My eyes began to feel the warmth.

“You know, it's human nature. To set fire and walk away.” I heard her voice in the back of my head.

That's what she said, four f*****g years ago.

My tears wanted to escape, but I won't let that happen again. Not again. I have run out of tears since the day she left me just like that.

I was about to go upstairs when I heard a sob.

Is she crying? f**k. Enough with the drama.

I quietly went to the other side of my desk and found her sitting in the corner. Sitting while gently tapping her chest.

What the f**k?

I wanted to hug her but I couldn't.

I just have one thing for her.

One f*****g thing to offer for her.

And that's madness.

I stared at her while standing tall. I can see how I cried for her four years ago.

I gulped and felt my heartbeat begin to rise.

I want to hold her so bad—but I couldn't, I won't, I shouldn't.

Her tapping began to be so aggressive I bet her chest will begin to feel numb at any moment by now.

“Mia!!”

The voice brought back my senses.

I simply gasped for air while the girl grabbed Mia's hands and hugged her.

That's Cole.

I'm sure of it.

“Clean that f*****g mess.” I said before turning my back on them.

[COLE'S]

“Mia?!” I looked back at Jham and found him outside the car while mouthing me to knock at the door.

Great, I didn't think of that, huh. How embarrassing.

“Mi—” I paused for a while when I noticed that the door was still open.

Should I come in?

No. Oh my God, Cole.

Should I leave?

Maybe?

What if they're having their perfect time inside?

What if they're having some closure? Or they're having their second shot? Oh, please, God!

I tried to look inside without making any noise. The lights were off when my eyes noticed Jared standing beside the desk.

What's going on?

I look in the direction where Jared's eyes are locked. I didn't see anything but I started to hear sobs and some... tappings.

My heart began to skip a beat as I realized what was happening.

“Mia!” Oh good Lord.

I grabbed her hands to stop her from tapping her chest. “Oh my God, I'm sorry. Hey, I'm here. This is Cole, Cole is here. Jham's outside. We're here, Mia.”

I tried my best to hold back my tears but it wasn't enough. I feel bad. What could've happened if I left earlier? s**t.

“Clean that f*****g mess.” Jared said with a cold voice.

Wait, was that him? I don't think it was him. Maybe it was his cousin? Or a caretaker? He can never be that cold to Mia.

“I'm sorry.” Mia whispered with a shaking voice.

Oh, right. I forgot what happened years ago. I'm sure he's not over it yet.

Nobody's over with it—yet.

“Hey, shh, let's go home.” I said.

After making sure that she was asleep and calmed, I went straight to the dining room and hugged Jham while he was busy with his ice cream.

“I like to think of it as a dream.” I said while pouting my lips on his cheek.

“Pfft. A nightmare, indeed.” He giggled as I gave him a soft slap on his shoulder.

“But, hey, do you think Jared's still mad at her?” I asked.

“Who wouldn't be mad about that? Imagine being left out without knowing what the reason is.” He replied before digging in another spoon.

“If only he knew what the reason was. I mean, I couldn't blame him if he got mad and if he's still mad at Mia. But you know, some things aren't better off unsaid.”

Jham pulled me closer for a hug. “But, hey, it is not your responsibility to say anything regarding them, alright? Let them do what they want to do. I'm sure if they both want something to happen, it will. Just trust them and let out a little prayer.”

I am so lucky to have this man in my life. I started to feel like I was about to palpitate so I hugged him tighter.

Feels like home.

[ GLEM' s ]

“Why don't you answer your phone?” My wife asked when she noticed how I stared at it for thirty minutes straight.

“Uh... Nothing. It's Jared. Let him be.” I replied while slicing the chili at the counter.

“Did something bad happen?” Maisie's voice begins to sound sweet and low.

“Nothing.” I lied.

“See. That's your problem, Glem. I asked you with a sweet tone yet you still chose to lie! What are you—”

“Okay, okay! It's Mia! And Jared! Dang. I think Jared's mad at me for some reason!” I said.

“What?! Mia as in Jared's TOTGA!?” Maisie cupped my face as if she was all excited.

“Okay, babe, calm down.”

I followed her breathing as she instructed...

I can feel my heartbeat starting to slow down...

“Okay, inhale... exhale...” Maisie said

“Glem!”

“Jared!”

“Bullshit!” I said while trying to hide at my wife's back like a f*****g i***t.

“Why aren't you answering my calls, huh!?” Jared's eyes were so mad I couldn't even look at them. Dammit. Dammit!

“Well, as you can see, we're busy cooking here, Jared.” That's Maisie. Yeah, that's my wife.

Jared sat on the couch with his left foot above his right knee. Lookin' like a frustrated king.

“You should always remember what I told you during our last session, Jared.” Maisie added.

My wife is a Licensed Therapist and Jared is one of her clients. I know when he is mad and when is the best time not to talk to him for a while. I know when to give him space or a hug.

“f**k it. I'll see you at the company later.” He grabbed one bottle of beer before heading out.

Oy! That's mine! That's my brooklyn!

“Hey, babe. Can't you just give him some medicine that he can take every time he's mad? Damn, I swear my heart will leave my body every time he's mad and shit.” I said to my wife while hugging her from behind.

“Glem, if I have that kind of medicine, I'll drink one of it every time I see your face.” She teasingly replied.

“Oh. Wow. The audacity, ha! Okay...” I let go of the hug while she burst into laughter.

“Tsk. Hate you.”

“Hahahahaha! I was just joking, baby!”