LOVER'S PARADOX

[The beginning after the end] “In order to find, we must let go.” replays in my mind. We will indeed be forced into situations in which we have no control over how things will turn out. In this earthly hell, we must seek equilibrium. A calm state of mind, indeed. The calm before the storm—except you don't know when the storm will arise so, it's not really calm at all. ☄️☄️☄️ I woke up with a sore throat on the same shitty day of June; perhaps the frappe was to blame. Despite knowing how terrible it was for me, I still bought two of them. Well, I guess that's what most people do, no? We always want what's bad for us. Damn. “Where are you?” I opened the chat that Cole sent me five minutes ago—oh God, I'm late again. “On my way.” I replied before getting out of bed. I wore my no-makeup look and a black satin dress with my red heels before heading to the club. Ah, yes, it's Saturday, which means we might stay out till dawn. “You're always late, aren't you?” Cole gave me her death stares before handling the tequila. I gave her a cold shoulder before hitting up drink after drink. This is a lovely day to do some ungodly things, no? I was busy savoring my lemons when one of the guys who was just sitting across our table grabbed my waist and whispered to my left ear, “Shall we dance?” I bit my lower lip and threw a smile at him before gently nodding my head. I can't help but feel his breath on my neck when he pulled me closer. His right arm was on my back and the other on my butt. He started to kiss me when the lights gradually turned dim. I tried to let go but I couldn't, he was holding me so damn tight and it hurts me more every time I tried to escape from his force. “Welp. That's enough." Someone said before I heard the crowd's loud noise as if there's a demon who just showed up. I don't know what's going on—the liquor's starting to steal my senses but I am well aware that someone is carrying me right now, I just can't see his face. [ JARED's ] "What about that one?” I sighed when Glem continuously pointed at the girls on the dance floor as if he were asking me to pick and buy one from those girls. “Cut it off, Glem.” I turned my back to the dance floor and asked for another Brooklyn Lager. “Dude, we're now in our early 30's. Come on, you should start to mingle with one of these wild girls.” I let out a soft yet mean laugh after hearing what he said. I don't know but, personally, New York isn't the best spot to find me a wife. “Look, look at that girl with the black satin dress. I'm sure you'll like h—...” Glem didn't finish his sentence when his phone rang up. “Where the hell are you, Glem!?” Maisie on the other line asks the shaking Glem beside me. “I-I'm on my way home, babe. Be there at 12.” He said before buying another bottle of Brooklyn—that’s for him and Maisie, of course. “Aight, I need to go now. My wife's waiting for me.” He patted me on my shoulder before leaving my sight. It's funny how fast time flies. It's like four years ago, I was the one who taught him how to get a goddamn girl and now he has someone waiting for him to come home. And here I am—wifeless. I slowly nod my head before facing the dance floor again. “Look, look at that girl with the black satin dress.” I heard Glem's voice in the back of my mind while drinking my beer. Black satin dress you said, huh. I wiped my eyes and tried to look through the blinding lights. Curves, soft lips, wavy long hair, familiar. I took another sip of my beer and locked my gaze on them. It's been four years since the last time I talked to her. If there's anyone who can help me—it must be her. I found a leap of faith after realizing how she can help me with my agenda. But wait, is that her boyfriend? I took my time watching them from a distance and decided to leave when I saw the guy kissing her. “Fuck.” The empty bottle of brooklyn didn't let go of my hand as I was about to leave the club when I heard her voice... “I'll never love someone as much as I love you.” I shook my head and looked in their direction once again only to see how she was trying to let go of that man's grasp all along. I slowly made my way through the dance floor with the empty bottle of brooklyn in my right hand. “I'll let you go to the club soon but when I see someone being too close with you, I swear, I'll knock him out.” I suddenly hear my voice from like what... four years ago, I guess. f**k it. "Welp, that's enough." I casually said before hitting the guy's head with the empty bottle of brooklyn. I hastily grab her waist and carry her on my shoulder. Damn, I swear I wouldn't be able to carry her if this s**t happened years ago. I put her in the back seat of my car and let my suit be her blanket since she's wearing a f*****g short dress. “Let me go” she whispered while brushing off her waist as if my hands were still there. [ MIA's ] Curses. I badly wanted to open my eyes but I couldn't, it felt heavy—everything in my system felt so heavy. I scanned the bed and looked for Jesse—my stuffed toy. I wanted to hug him but I couldn't find Jesse or any pillow on my bed. “Goddamn.” I said. I was about to lose my senses again when I suddenly heard a man's voice. “Shut the f**k up, will you? Everything's fine, I'm alright.” he said as I believed he was talking to someone over the phone. “I'll see you later for dinner. And don't forget the flowers, Glem.” Glem? I paused for a while and slowly opened my eyes to have a glimpse of what-the-f**k-is-going-on. I saw a lantern at the side table and a couple of Dane Maxwell and Napoleon Hill's books and that's when I knew that this was not my room—cause if it was, that'd be Agatha Christie's books. “Are you awake already or just dreaming with your eyes wide open?” Shit. I tried to get up while catching my head as if it could fall from my body at any moment. “I'm awake.” “Good. Fix yourself, I'll wait for you downstairs.” I didn't get the chance to see his face but I am sure that I know his voice. It took me half an hour after changing his clothes to my dress. Also, I don't have much time to wonder if anything happened between us. I assumed there were none since I'm still wearing my undies. And oh God, I'll kill myself if anything did happen between me and whoever that man is. “Great. Well then, the deal's closed. I'll see you later.” I silently found the dining room and the man who was standing in front of the window while drinking his coffee. He has a nice back that looks like a roman greek body type and he's freakin' tall and oh, he has a nice butt. “Are you done scanning me?” My jaw dropped and my eyes widened when I realized who was in front of me. What the fork? “Jared?” I said his name as if it didn't make my heartbeat stop for a moment. I can't breathe. “How are you?” he asked before taking another sip at his cup. Fuck, Mia. Breathe. Breathe! “Woooh! Hey, uh, long time no see. It's been a while, no?” “Four years.” “Yeah, four years. So, Uhm... Where's the goddamn door?” He gave me a small chuck before heading his way to offer me a chair. “Sit and calm the f**k down.” He ordered. “Don't talk to me like that.” I said. He gradually turned his head at me before smirking. “Still got the attitude, eh?” I rolled my eyes at him. “Aight, then, stand the f**k up until later.” Oh for f**k's sake, he still has the same attitude after four freakin' years! My eyes started to scan his place until I found the goddamn door. That's it. I'm leaving. I started counting in my head... one, two, —I looked at him and cursed, he's staring at me as if he knows what I'm about to do. THREE! I closed my eyes and ran as fast as I could just so he wouldn't catch me. I'm close... That's right, Mia. Run... Closer... closer... The door's locked. s**t. I slowly turned my head and saw him chillin' while slicing the freakin' hotdog on his plate. “I-it, it is locked. The door's locked.” I said. “Yeah. Forgot to mention that.” He flawlessly replied. “Okay, Jared. What's the business? Why don't you just let me leave, no?” He wiped his mouth with the freakin' towel and said “I already did that, right? Like... four years ago.” I raised my eyebrows as if fuckyou-ing him. He laughed and told me that it was just a joke. But hey, “That's too personal.” I said in all seriousness. He cleared his throat and told me to sit down once again. “Por favor,” he added. I took the seat in front of him while thinking of the times he said Please four years ago. Guess this was the first time I heard him say that. “I need your help,” he said. “Where's my food?” I asked. He looked at his plate and slid it in front of me. “You can have it.” I sighed and rolled my eyes—again, this is stressin'. “What kind of help do you want?” I said without looking at the goddamn plate. “I need you to...” “To what?” His sweats started to become visible and I can see his hands slightly shaking. I reach for the glass of water beside him and drink as if I am the one who's nervous at the moment. “Help me to get a girl.” My throat tightened and that made me spill the water from my mouth. “Are you serious right now?” I asked in return. “Listen... you're my…” I'm your what, Jared? I gave him an empty stare while waiting for his next words. “You're my past …” I gulped. I can still feel my throat tighten at that very moment. “You know all my flaws, issues, and s**t, I believe you can help me fix those.” I stared right through his soul—waiting for him to say that he was just messing around. He wasn’t. “Don't f**k with me, Jared. That's nonsense.” I was about to stand up again when he said “I'll pay you.” I slowly took a seat again while maintaining my poise. “How much would it cost?” He slowly raised his head and took a deep breath. “We'll see.” [ JARED ' s] "Mia as in MIA? From four years ago?” I was holding back myself from punching Glem's face. Too overreacting. “Yeah.” I timidly replied. “Damn. Are you out of your mind? You know, there's a reason why her name is MIA. ” He stared at me like he was waiting to get a why from me. “Come on, Jared. Ask me 'why?'." I deeply sighed and asked him why. “Because she's always MIA. Missing In Action it is. She has some self-issues, right? The one who always leaves. That's her.” I stared at Glem and said “It's alright. She's not the one I'm aiming for anyway. I'm courting someone that's way too stable from her. I just need her help to fix some of my issues.” “Alright, you say so. Just make sure you'll be able to handle it once she leaves again and again and agai— aw! Dang, that hurts!” I slapped his head with the folders to make him shut up. “You're too loud, Glem. Anyways, where are the flowers?” [ MIA's ] “Jared?! The guy that you just blocked—for like six times, four years ago!?” “Ah, it's just actually five times.” It's been two hours since Cole and I started staring at the ceiling of our apartment and for f**k's sake, she still can't get over with me and Jared. “You know, I genuinely think you two belong with each other.” I looked at her with disgust. “Oh for the love of God, that wouldn't be possible. It's just pure chaos for us. Never-ending rage. We can't be at peace with each other.” “There wouldn't be peace without chaos, you know.” She said while seriously staring at the ceiling as if there were invisible constellations above. “I need to take a bath, I'll be having my dinner with him by the way.” I calmly said—trying to make it less awkward. Cole's gaze shifted at me “Are you freaking kidding me?! Omg, Mia, you should wear the freakin' white dress! You look like an angel with that one!” “Cole, you should calm down. I'm only there because of the money after all. It's not like we're having a second shot or what. Besides, I may look like an angel but, Jared knows that I am—definitely—not one of them.” “Yeah, right. After what you did to him four years ago.” Cole replied while shrugging her shoulders. I took a deep breath before finally entering the bathroom.