The weight of the crown

Chapter 5

I sat in one of the rooms of the palace, trying to learn the strange words I had read. I thought that Portuguese would be an easy language to learn, but I must have been wrong about it. It was relatively early, and the sun lit up the room and its dull furniture.

"Ally," I heard Thomas's voice enter the room slowly. I turned toward him, seeing on his face that he seemed wide awake this morning, his blue eyes shining and a small smile on his face.

"Let me guess," I said, noticing his slowly growing smile, "you came here after you were with Charlotte?" I asked though I knew the answer in advance, I knew how Thomas looked when he liked someone. He never managed to hide these things from me, I knew him too well.

"That's not what I came to talk to you about," he changed the subject, but from the look on his face, I knew I was right, and I was glad that even though they had known only a few days ago, they liked each other.

"So what did you want to talk about?" I asked him curiously. He moved toward me and I closed the book and put it aside, at least now I have an excuse not to study.

"I listened to everything that was said yesterday in the discussion and you have nothing to worry about."

"Father made it clear to everyone what the procedures were and how everything was going to be done, I don't believe anyone would break his words," he said calmly, but despite his relaxed expression, I wasn't calm.

"I know what I heard yesterday- "I began to say, but he quickly interrupted me, which annoyed me.

"Everything is fine to me, besides the need to concentrate on other things," he said and I looked at him a little confused.

"Like what? Learn how to say hello in Portuguese? I'm sure there are many more interesting things I can do," I chuckled as I imagined myself running barefoot in the woods and Mother shouting at me to go back to the palace.

Or maybe I could try to eat with my hands, without having to eat politely and with little bites.

"Ally," Thomas said, interrupting me from my amusing thoughts, "I don't mean just that, although of course, it's very important, it will help you communicate with all the guests and learn a language that-" he said but I interrupted him now.

"And help me develop and learn a new culture. Mother gave me the lecture countless times, Thomas, "I said when a little smile came over my face, and my whole family was so stressed about these things.

"And your best friend is from Portugal, did you think about it?" He asked, and instinctively I rolled my eyes, of course, I did.

"So what do you mean if not for that?" I asked most curiosity now. His smile slowly descended from his face and he looked more focused, he narrowed his eyes for a moment, as if trying to weigh his words. He took the chair next to mine and sat on it.

"I heard Mom and Dad talking in the room, I was going to talk to them, and I know it's wrong to eavesdrop on conversations, but I couldn't help-" he said, and I hurried to stop him, why did he look so serious?

"Tomas, just tell me, I'm sure it's not so bad." I giggled, but he was still silent.

"I don't think what they talked about is bad, I just know you, and I know you won't like the idea," he mumbled now, running his hand through his fair hair.

"It was a bad idea to talk to you about it when I think about it now," he said, intending to get up from the chair, but I was holding his hand, preventing him from going.

"Now I have to hear what you have to say," I said seriously.

"You didn't hear it from me, but they found you a match. I don't know who that is, but he is coming soon to the palace, "he said. The room was silent and I looked at him in shock.

"Why? Why would they want me to be with someone, there's your coronation and we've just made an alliance with France, why does it have to happen so fast, I'm too young," I muttered quietly.

Perhaps now I looked relatively calm in front of Thomas, but inside I felt like I was about to cry. I couldn't do it; I'm not ready for marriage.

I couldn't respond to Tomas like that, because I knew how hard the last period was for him.

All I wanted was to go to the room and scream, or go outside and throw as many stones as I could into the lake.

Actually, it doesn't matter what I wanted to do, because it's not going to change the outcome.

It doesn't matter to my parents that I'm still young and that we are safe from a military and political point of view.

It doesn't matter to them that I'm not ready for any of the tasks they throw at me.

They don't care. They never care.

"Hey, Ally," Thomas said softly when he looked at me.

He couldn't understand what I felt, even if he tried to listen to me.

"I can't Thomas, I think you're the only one who really cares about what I feel, what I'm going through," I said quietly, blinking my eyes to get rid of the tears that were about to break out every second.

I couldn't cry in front of him, not now at least. He approached me slowly and hugged me. I wish I were like him.

I wish I could look at things and think positively about them, to not let my fears and feelings overwhelm me.

"You didn't even see him, how do you know you won't love him?" He asked quietly.

"I just know," I whispered quietly after a long silence.

I didn't want to tell Tomas my real fear, the truth.

I wasn't afraid just from this, there are fears that I wouldn't say out loud.

"You are upset right now, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you that, I should have waited for Mom and Dad to tell you when things are much more real," he said sadly and I knew how sorry he was.

"I knew that this moment would come one day," I said quietly, and I pretended to smile at my face, even if it was a fake, I had to show that I was all right, that he wouldn't worry so much about me.

"And I'm sure Mom and Dad would let me know about it the day before and wouldn't let me adjust to this fact, so you have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who should thank you." I said quietly and meant my words this time.

Father would leave me in the dark. Always informs things a second before they happen, so everything he says feels to me as a painful blow, and it is impossible to mend it because it's so fresh.

"That's not true," he said quietly, looking for a moment at the green cover of my book, which was a bit too thick for my taste.

"You are honest and true with me, and it shows not only that you will be a good and fair king, but that you care, that you will never hide anything from me," I said, and he smiled at me.

"Now you should go, I'm sure you have a lot to do to get ready for the wedding and the coronation," I told him.

"You're probably right," he said, and I was glad to see that he was smiling and looking relaxed again. Just before leaving the room, he turned again.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" he asked to make sure, and as soon as I nodded he left.

I looked at the book and put it aside.

I realized I wouldn't be able to concentrate anymore today, especially not in learning.