The weight of the crown

Chapter 1

Have you ever been surrounded by people, but still felt alone?

I always hated parties and especially ones such as this, it was so boring.

I stared at the same people who were talking about the same subjects; usually politics. Some danced slowly while the music played in the background.

I glanced around the huge ballroom and saw many servants approaching the guests. Once in a while, I could recognize the guests from the royal court and, of course, I also noticed my family members. Thomas - my brother - spoke to one of the many women in the court. She was wearing a simple, white dress that flattered her fair skin. He smiled at her and she giggled under his gaze.

I wish I were as charismatic as him.

People always laughed at his jokes and listened to him with full attention. No wonder he was going to be the next king.

 Although he is only two years older than me, he is much more suited to lead the country, and to be honest, I am quite happy that I don't have to deal with that amount of responsibility. I took a sip of my wine while my eyes wandered toward my parents.

My mother's blonde hair was styled into a low bun and a crown was resting on top of her head. She smiled softly at a servant who took the empty glass from her, and I let my eyes wander more. My father, who was standing beside her, spoke to an unknown person whose face I couldn't see from my position in the ballroom.

I thought for a moment how strange it was that I wasn't like either of my parents. My mother has blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes, I've always wanted to look at least a little like her, but I guess the genes I ended up with aren't chosen by me. 

My brother, for example, is the perfect combination of my two parents. He has blonde hair like my mother and blue eyes like both of them. I was so jealous of his appearance.

While I was thinking, the man who was speaking to my father turned for a moment while my father said something.

When I saw his face, I froze for a moment. It was the French ambassador, what was he doing here?

I know that we are in a complex relationship with the French. Even though they helped us in the last rebellion we had in the northern part of England, we never really got to form an alliance between the two countries, especially because of our differences in opinions.

 I was curious to find out why he had come here so I put my glass on the table and started walking toward my parents.

"Ally, wait!" someone said and pair of hands were placed on my shoulders. Thomas looked at me with amusement when he saw the surprised look on my face.

"Do you know why the French ambassador is here?" I asked him. He glanced briefly at our father and narrowed his eyes; I could see that he was curious about it, too.

"They must be talking about politics, as always," he said indifferently after a few moments, but I could see that he wasn't really concentrating on what I had said to him.

"Are you alright?" I asked him, a little worried.

"That isn't something you need to worry about," he smiled. I hated it when he treated me like a little girl, like I couldn't handle certain things or that it was better not to involve me in anything. But even though I was irritated and wanted to hear more, I didn't ask more questions, I knew that now wasn't the right time to question him. 

It was less than two months before his coronation and he had to concentrate on speaking and presenting himself to people in order to make a good impression. As we talked, I saw our mother walking toward us.

"Dear," she said to Thomas, "Lady Elizabeth of York would be delighted to dance with you."

She smiled at him as he looked at the woman in the blue dress that was standing where our mother was a moment ago. She smiled kindly at shyly played with her hair,

Thomas chuckled and shook his head in disbelief. "You know, mother, the fact that you haven't found me a match yet doesn't mean I have to dance with every girl in the room"

"It's still necessary for your image," My mother said. Well, she was certainly good at making correct claims. Thomas moved away from us and walked over to the seemingly sweet Lady of York.

"Now that we're alone, there's something important that I need to talk to you about." My mother said, and I knew I wasn't going to enjoy this conversation, On the other hand, I don't remember the last time I had a pleasant conversation with one of my parents

"Your father and I spoke, and we both agreed that we have been too easy with you lately and it seems like you're not using your time wisely," she said as I stared at her, trying to see if she was joking. She kept talking to me in a calm tone and I realized she was being serious. "Starting tomorrow, you are going to start learning Portuguese. In addition to that, you will join the parliamentary discussion with your father and brother. You may not be the next queen of England, but you still have a responsibility. I don't think you understand that."

I raised my eyebrows when she finished talking. I was never allowed to participate in parliamentary debates, something here was strange.

"Your father spoke to the fellow parliamentarians, and although they didn't like it, you will join the discussion tomorrow," she added as she saw the confusion and disbelief cross my face.

"Mother, I don't wish to offend you or father, but I believe I have enough responsibilities. Thomas is going to be the next king, not me," I said. As soon as I had finished speaking, I realized that what I had said was a mistake because of the look on my mother's face, she was glaring at me.

"It doesn't matter to me, Alexandra! It worries me that you don't care about your country the way you should, all evening I see you looking at people or drinking wine while your brother is making connections with the intention of helping England. I am so disappointed with you."

"I never wanted to be a princess, Mother," I muttered, hoping she would understand, but she would never understand.

"I don't care if you want it or not, you are a princess. That fact will never change," she hissed angrily. She glared at me for a few more moments and then left.

I looked around at all the people; they were smiling, talking to each other, or drinking from the sparkling wine glasses.

One of the things I hated in this world that I lived in is that it was all so fake. On the outside, my mother behaved as if everything was okay, even more than that, she behaved as everything went smoothly for her. She would smile and walk with her head held high, but inside? She hated being a queen; she hated her role but would never admit it.

My father's job was to participate in discussions and wars, to speak to citizens, or to make difficult decisions. My mother's job was to provide heirs for the royal lineage.

I glanced at my father, who was now shaking hands with some of his advisers. He also kept his expression serious and confident. I could see that he was trying to keep his composure, although he knew that our security situation was precarious, that there would soon be war, that it was only a matter of time.

I didn't want to be in such a place. A place where I was expected to marry someone I didn't know and my main job would be to provide heirs, just because I was a woman.

A place where I wouldn't really influence or change anything in the way I really wanted to. It was a place where everyone was fake. People were hiding behind their smiles while they planned their next move against the people closest to them.