The weight of the crown

Chapter 3

I decided to go out to the yard, rather than go back to my room and start practicing Portuguese. I looked at the women in the courtyard who walked side by side and occasionally giggled quietly. A few maids walked around carrying baskets full of clothes. I sat down on one of the stone surfaces and looked at the landscape on the horizon.

A cold wind struck me and some leaves fell onto my lap, all orange and reddish. I looked up at the tree and thought to myself how strange it was that in the past the leaves were green, that nature was always changing and no one had control over it.

I didn't like autumn. Other people thought it was a nice season, but for me, there was always a lot of tension in the air. It was the season between the heat of the summer and the cold of winter. It was a season that was neither hot nor cold, an unclear season. I never liked it when things weren't clear to me.

"Hey, can I join you?" I heard a familiar voice. I looked up and saw Thomas, who was now sitting next to me.

"Where were you today? I didn't see you," I said when I remembered that there had been no discussion with my father at all. I'm sure that because of the upcoming coronation there is a lot of pressure on him, I'm definitely not jealous of him.

"There was something more important that I had to attend," he said in an unclear tone.

"What happened, Thomas? You've been acting strange lately, you're so quiet … I wish I knew what you're thinking about," I muttered quietly. He grinned for a moment and I was glad I managed to bring a smile to his face, even if it was small.

"Tell me a story," he said suddenly, making me look at him in surprise. When we were younger and Thomas was upset I would always tell him a story, and he would listen intently to my words until he fell asleep or felt better.

One of the secrets I never told my parents or anyone else was that I read stories about the Greek mythology in my spare time. One day when I toured the palace I found a book full of stories, all about love, death, sacrifice, and courage; I couldn't resist and took them to my room.

In every bad day I went through in the palace, I read a chapter until I finished them all and started all over again.

 My parents might have been angry to know that I was reading in the time I was supposed to study, but I think that a little imagination and escape from reality isn't a bad thing, and Thomas thought that just as much as I did, because he loved those stories as well.

"You remember that I told you about Aphrodite once?" I began, and he looked at me for a moment, frowned, and after a moment answered, "Goddess of love and beauty," he said, and I smiled.

"So I have a story about who decided she was the most beautiful of them all," I said.

"There was a contest between the goddesses Athena, Aphrodite and Hera. Each proposed to the human who was the judge, something in return so that he chose her as the winner. The winner received a golden apple symbolizing her victory in the competition and that she had won the title of the most beautiful one," I said, and Thomas narrowed his eyes.

 "What did they suggest to make him choose them?" He asked.

"Well, there was Athena, who promised him victory in every war, skill in battle, and wisdom," I said.

 "I don't think I would have objected to such a proposal," Thomas laughed softly.

"Yes, but you didn't hear the others. Hera decided to give him control and political power over all of Asia, "I continued.

"And Aphrodite?" Thomas asked, wanting to know why her suggestion was the most convincing of all.

"She offered him the most beautiful woman in the world," I said.

 "I don't know if I would necessarily make the same decision," he said while he was looking at me intently.

"Why not?"

"Because she offered him beauty, but he didn't know anything about that girl, I would have chosen to win the war, to know that I wouldn't lose and that I could help England as much as I could."

"You would choose that because you aren't selfish and you care about England, but you as everyone does, deserve to love, even if you are destined to be king." 

I knew what his answer would be, he always put others first, including the country, he was always thinking so rationally. I was exactly the opposite of him, directed by emotion, and letting my heart speak for me. Thomas looked thoughtful, but now more than before.

"Please tell me, I promise if it's illegal, I won't tell anything to our parents," I said, and he chuckled. I knew he would never break the law, but it was amusing to imagine such a situation.

"Ally..." he began to say and I looked at him intently, waiting for him to speak.

"Do you remember the evening in which you saw the French ambassador talking to Father?" He said, and now the conversation intrigued me even more. I nodded quickly and waited for him to continue. He rubbed his hands together and looked at his shoes for a moment and then again at the view.

"They talked about me and my future as the next king of England," he said, I was trying to figure out where the conversation was going, it was good that they were talking about it, which meant he had made a good impression on the ambassador.

"At the end of this month-" he began to say, stopping himself, as if trying to pick his words carefully, "I'm going to marry Princess Charlotte, the princess of France," he said, then looked at me, expecting to see my reaction.

"What?" I said in confusion, "I mean, congratulations, but how-" I went on muttering quickly, with uncertainty until Thomas interrupted me.

"Father told me that he had many discussions with the king of France and that the French king finally confirmed the matter and the ambassador was the one who came here to officially inform him," He finished, making me look at him in silence, trying to digest his words.

So that's why he was here. I didn't even give much meaning to his visit here. My brother is going to get married at the end of the month, and he doesn't even know who's going to be his wife, the next Queen of England.

I stared at him in silence, completely shocked.

"Father knows who she is? If she's fit to be Queen of England? And more importantly, if you can love her," He said, looking at me for a moment.  He was playing with his fingers. He always did that when he was thinking of something that he didn't know how to say.

"You don't have to worry about me," he said, holding my hands softly, "I'm sure she's a lovely person," he said, but his answer didn't satisfy me.

"But … but you haven't met her, you don't know if you will be happy with her, and you still have to have children together, to be together in the good and the bad, you need-" I went on but he interrupted me gently.

"I know I have to find a wife and bring heirs to help the stability of England," he said, and apparently saw that I didn't like his answer because he continued. "And even if I don't come to love her, then she will be a good friend and a confidante, I'll be fine."

"But you won't be happy," I murmured quietly, the sadness in my heart, seeping through into my voice.

"Love is a privilege in our lives, Ally, you know that. We have to take care of the country and put our desires behind," he continued, and you could see how much he believed in what he said. 

When I looked at him, I thought to myself how many times Father had just spoken to him or talked to him about heirs or the stability and power of England. I suppose it's like brainwashing. After a while, you accept the things that are said to be self-evident and irresistible because you understand the consequences of your actions.

I didn't want to think about Thomas, marrying someone he didn't know, and he might not be able to love, it was just too sad for me to think about. According to my family tree and many others, love was a rare commodity in each of them, my parents might have been lucky, but would we also be?