The weight of the crown

Chapter 9

I was named Alexandra after Alexander the Great. He was a leader, he led armies to victory and conquered so many territories, but despite his brilliant future, he died at such a young age.

The truth is that  I never really liked my name, my name made me feel as if from a young age I was expected to do great. 

It seems as if my life is about anticipation. Everyone expected me to behave well because of my social status.

Now I was in the forest. I was riding a brown horse that was racing fast. I looked forward at the wide path of the earth in front of me, on either side of which were rows of trees.

 The ride seemed to help distract me. The wind in front of me and the sound of the horse on the ground made me feel a certain calmness as if there was something in my life that I had control over.

"Hey, stop!" I heard a voice I'd already got to know too well. I ignored his words and continued to ride until the voice called out to me again, but now in a louder and clearer tone.

Reluctantly, I stopped and after a few moments, William appeared.

"Why didn't you stop?" He asked coldly.

"Why would I do that?" I asked calmly as I slowly descended from the horse but still stayed close to him.

He seemed to weigh his words because when he spoke a spark of anger appeared in his eyes.

"I heard what you did," he said, and when I was silent he continued, "You ran away at night to the village"

"If you came to scold me it is unnecessary, my parents did the work for you," I said dryly.

"You don't understand that what you did was so foolish, so childish, you risked yourself, and more than that, you risked England"

"Sometimes you have to take risks, and besides, the only reason I left the palace was to help England in the first place," I said, but he shook his head, looking at me in disbelief.

"You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me," He said.

"That's not true, nothing you just said is true," I said quietly.

I didn't want him to know that he had hurt me. I'm ready to confront him, and I don't care if he's going to be the King of Ireland or my future husband, whether or not we have an alliance.

"You think I'm just a spoiled princess, that I'm selfish and that I don't care about my country," I said quickly.

 My throat was dry, I wanted to cry, but not in front of him. I took a step toward him, trying to look into his brown eyes without fear. 

 "So let me tell you something, you're wrong. I understand that it's hard to be the next king, but it's hard for me too" I said while he was listening to me.

"It's hard for me to live with my parents and with their expectations," I said, hating the fact that I said more than I'd intended to say in the first place.

"You don't know what it's like to feel alone in the battlefield, that you don't have someone who really understands you," I said quietly.

He looked at me without saying a word, and for a moment I wondered if he had listened to me.

"Don't say such things and stop feeling sorry for yourself," he said stiffly, "You have to take things in proportion. Don't be so sensitive," he continued to say.

"I came here to let you know that tomorrow you are coming to Ireland with me, it's time you got to know the palace." He said, looked at me for another moment and left.

I thought about everything he said now and about how I would come to Ireland with him tomorrow.

I wasn't ready for it, and the thought of leaving England caused an unpleasant shudder to pass through my body. 

I didn't like the palace, but it was still a familiar place for me, I lived here my entire life.

The thoughts ran through my mind and I tried to imagine a future with William, but I couldn't.

All I saw was a heavy fog that wouldn't let me see anything.