Shattered Glass

Beginning of February , year 2024 , I was out with a couple of friends and then got bored , cause we were out for a solid 4 hours , so i decided to call some friends who could have been around. So I landed on this one guy , who is Russian, speaks close to no English and so he was out in front of a friend's house . So I just kind of drifted away from the group that I was bored with , and walked over to the “Russians” . And so I'm kind of just switching up my mood because I'm with people from the same place as myself , so it just feels more comfortable . So I start greeting everyone , most of them are my friends, some people I've met before and some people I have never seen . So as I'm greeting everyone I stop on this girl (SHE) and so she's just kind of there , with one of her friends , enjoying her time basically . And at that moment I didn't know what it was , but it felt like the beginning to something. I don't know, I just felt that I could do something , like start up a friendship with a new person . And that exactly what i did , i was just talking to her asking stuff like , “where you from” , “what's your name” and e.g. As we all met up and walked our way to a small hut to just chill at , i realised that i could not snap my eyes of this girl and i'm just standing there confused because i personally never seen anyone as beautiful as her . Not the point , so we sat down and just talked for a bit , as a friend group , and so believe me when i say this , holy s**t there was something different about her . She wasn't like all these other chammaks , she had a solid personality , amazing looks and just everything was perfect . So by the end of the night I got her snap and telegram . Next morning I wake up and send an average 'GM'(good morning) message , and I receive a very strange response {“I hope we're not talking because of my body”} And I was just really confused because what? who asks that s**t . So obviously i say “no” i'm not gonna waste time on a girl just for her body , so we then chatted back and forth for a while and then we agreed to meet on my birthday which was two weeks after our meetup , i was kind of happy to see her , because well in the two weeks we built a solid friendship and I really opened up . And found out alot . I apparently looked like a movie star named “Marat”? Like what , how , where the hell do I look like him???? . And that she has a f*****g crush on the actor of “Marat” . Not the point at all, so as we met up for my bday we chilled for a bit and well ive crossed the line by pissing her off , i took her phone, took a snap (photo) and sent it to half her friends…I dont know whats so pressed up on that . But she got mad and pissed over it . So on chat we got into an argument because she threatened me with her older brothers and I threatened back with mine , so just back and forth again . But we got over it . So more meetups and more bonding lead to me being in the holy month of Ramadan during my half term break . So on friday (last day of school before holidays) we met up and hung out , me, her and a guy . The guy was acting very clingy towards her and through the couple months of us chatting I couldn't really wrap my head around who she really liked . Because it really went from turks to russians all the way to uzbeks . So I knew she wasn't smart or knowledgeable enough to date anyone because she could not possibly make a decision so she would escape the conversation by saying she would get in a talking stage and then leave it in a while . And a solid bit of background , at that point in time i saw her as a best friend, cause she was there for me on many different occasions , sometimes it wasn't even her chats or her words that helped , it was her presence that gave me comfort . Like one time , I have just got out of a fight with some guy and so I had a lot of pressure on me with all the problems and all the fights and e.g that were in my life . I did not know what to do so I called her. On the call she told me to start worrying about myself instead of trying to fix other people's problems. I didn't take that as an answer but still appreciated it . But anyways back to the friday night , as we sat at the little hut thing wtv , she took my hand and put it over her her shoulder , that was the moment when my life turned around , i started to realise that i cant keep this girl in my life for long , because i had the pressure of my friends absolutely killing me , they kept saying she like “block her'' , “bro remove her” , “don't forget what happened” and those words meant nothing to me until i realised i was pushing my friends away to hang with this girl . So I started panicking , I had a choice , so instead of making that choice I ignored it , and stuff seemed off , because then I would hang out with them and her at the same time , which didn't give me the same vibe as before , The vibe of comfort .