Colliding Rulers

Love-Hate Relationship (1)

Gevia's P.O.V

"You're glowing. Slaaay," Joshua said in such a tone that it made me question my opinion of his gender. But I kept it to myself. Maybe I read it wrong. Maybe he's just into the trend. It's been blaring up lately. The LGBTQIA+ community deserves their freedom and importance.

Alex is a part of the community. I should show my support. That way, they know that I'm on their side, and not an enemy.

Bitch. We are enemies. My mind was telling me otherwise. I pushed it in the back of my head, ignoring those words. It didn't feel like we were enemies anymore. What with Alex sleeping over, us f*****g, and sneaking up kisses. I doubt we're still eligible for that label. No matter.

"I am? Really? I feel indifferent." I looked at my reflection through my phone's camera and did notice that I was glowing.

Did the s*x do the deed? Does everyone glow after having s*x? Numerous at that? Oh, my gosh. I need to do research on that stuff.

"b***h, you are. Damn, how to glow like that?" again, there was that tone. The gay-ish tone. It suited Joshua in a sense that I think that was his true self. I don't know. Maybe I'm just overthinking things.

"b***h, get some sunlight or some shit."

He pouted his lips while looking at his arm. I could probably read what was on his mind. 'Me? Under the sun? No thanks. That s**t hurts.', is probably what it was. I could read him like an open book. He shivered before hugging his body. He looked at me with a scowl on his face, rolling his eyes at me.

"On second thought, I'm okay with my pale glow. Thanks," he started walking and I followed behind him diligently.

Even until now, those that we pass by kept on looking at us. As if I wasn't used to it, I felt a bit weird. I mean, it's like they know something that they shouldn't know. A perfect example would be me and Alex having s*x. A one-way s*x. All that hype went to waste when I didn't see Alex's body.

"Geez, you really hate sunlight that much?"

"Of course I do. That b***h hurts like hell."

"You're supposed to, you know? Early in the morning for it to be considered vitamins still." he shook his head, whining like a little baby.

"No, no, no. I refuse to believe lies like that."

I poked his side, making him giggle.

"Alright, then. We have classes, right?" I shifted to another topic. It's been ages since I've been serious about my studies. With everything happening around, I doubt I could concentrate.

Alex has been on my mind lately, like 24/7. Even when I sleep, I dream of Alex. And funny enough, we were an item in my dream. I didn't even hate the idea.

"Yep, we do. Let's go?"

"Mhm,"

Once we were inside the classroom, Alex was already there. Sitting with their eyes closed. I could literally see how long their eyelashes were. I'm so envious of that s**t. Like, why not me? Alex opened their eyes and looked at me directly, knowing exactly where I was. How could Alex tell that I was here? In this exact spot?

I saw a greeting smile before Alex closed their eyes again. I didn't even smile back before they decided to close their eyes. Did Alex not have enough sleep?

The teacher suddenly came in and asked for me. It wasn't a good look on her face. I felt nervous.

"You'll be okay," Joshua managed to say before I left him. I doubt I'd be okay. I don't like the look on the teacher's face. It screamed trouble and, hmm, disappointment.

I slowly dragged my feet to where the teacher was. I have to listen to what the teacher has to say, otherwise I wouldn't know. f**k. I hate this side of me. It was so evident on her face that what she was about to tell me was something bad. I hate failing. I hate being a disappointment.

"Gevia, I need to discuss important matters with you after class." I gulped. Her voice was almost as if comforting me. I still don't know the reason, but there could be two reasons why she'd ask for me to come see her after class. One would be that I did something wrong, or that displeased the teachers.

But that wouldn't be the case.

The second and most probable reason would be that I was flunking my grades. I bit my lower lip, and nodded with remorse.

"You should go back to your seat now."

"Yes, Ma'am."

I went back to my seat still lost in thought. I heard Joshua asking if I was okay, but I was too far out to respond. His voice was somewhat distant even though he was sitting right beside me. I couldn't focus at all today. I kept on regretting and blaming myself for being a failure.

I can't even hear the teacher discussing. I can't hear anything aside from the voices inside my head telling me that I will never get anywhere. Where did I go wrong? What was it about that made me feel so complacent about my standing? I know I'm not naturally smart. I had to study to actually be on par with Alex. But now that I'm not even studying, I feel like I'm dropping down.

I hate this.

"Gevia? Gevia!" I felt my arm being gripped, causing me to snap back to reality. I looked around hastily, searching for that person who wanted my attention. Only to see that it was Joshua.

He was grabbing my arm while looking at me with concerned eyes. The entire classroom was silent, and I felt eyes on me. A lot of them. I looked around and saw that everyone was looking at me, including Alex. The nonchalant look on Alex's face made me realize that Alex didn't care about me. The cold look, the chill body posture, the void aura- everything seemed cold.

I see that I don't deserve any kind of emotions from them. I should've known, since we're only f**k buddies.

"Uh,"

"Are you okay? The teacher has been calling your name about three times now. All of which failed to get your attention."

Once again, I was caught, lost in my own world. I keep malfunctioning where everyone could see. I'm trying to embarrass myself, and I don't know how to stop it.

"I'm, I'm quite alright. Sorry. Ma'am, can I excuse myself?" the teacher looked at me, probably contemplating whether she should let me or not.

I really need to get away. I need time to recollect myself. I silently prayed that the teacher would say 'yes'. Or I could just use my power to go outside without the teacher's consent, like I did before. But won't that mean that I'm vulnerable, and the worst part is that everyone would witness it.

I have to stop making a fool out of myself in front of everyone. I chewed on the insides of my mouth, nervously wrecking myself with aggressive thoughts.

"You may go." there was something in the teacher's tone that I knew made her answer otherwise.

"Thank you," I turned to Joshua whilst I grabbed my things, "sorry. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I went outside the classroom and ran away. I don't know where to go. Where should I go? I fight back my tears while walking and keeping my head down. I didn't know where I should go so that no one would see me crying my eyes out. The path in front of me was waving due to the tears.

I found a big tree and a bench directly under it. The bench was perfectly shielded from the sun's harsh gaze and the breeze came and went in a benign mannerism. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I sat on the bench and my tears ran down almost immediately. My face felt hot from suppressing my tears.

The comfort of the place begged me to let all these out. The raw emotion that I've been harboring.

I don't know how long I was crying until I finally burnt out. After taking a break for a few minutes, I decided to go to the teacher's lounge and finally listen to what the teacher had to say about my performance lately.

"Ah, you're finally here." the teacher paused once she looked at me, "but I'm guessing you already know why I called you here."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"I won't ask why, nor will I ask anything of you. I just genuinely hope that you're okay."

When I didn't reply, the teacher said that I could go home. I bid farewell and,again, dragged myself to the parking lot. It was almost dark and there were no more students in the hallways. My car was the only car left in the parking lot. When I got to my car, I saw Alex leaning on the trunk of my car.

They saw me and instantly stood up straight and approached me from the front. Usually, Alex's scent would bring me comfort, but this time was different. I felt nauseous and I hated the fact that they were in front of me.

"Were you crying?"

"Oh, so now you care?" it came out harsher than I intended it to be.

My tears started to well up again and my chest started to tighten.

"What do you mean?" they asked.

"Go away."

"Gev-"

"I SAID GO AWAY."

I got inside my car and instantly turned on the engine, driving off fast.

"f*****g b***h,"