Broken Pieces

CHAPTER ONE Excitement bubbles in my chest when I hear a car pulling onto the driveway. I stand, looking out the window. “Christ, Andi, will you just relax,” says Beth, laughing. We’ve been friends since we were three years old, eighteen years in total, and pretty much inseparable. The reason behind my excitement is the return of Beth’s older brother, Nathan. It’s been exactly four months since I last saw him. Four months since he gave me hope, and little did he know, a reason to keep going. Because that day four months ago was the day we buried my older brother, Beckett. He had died in service at just thirty years of age, and it tore my world apart. Nate and Beth have lived next door to us for eighteen years. They moved in one hot summer, and Mum and Beckett helped them carry in boxes. Our parents became friends, and with all us kids being around the same age, it was inevitable we’d be friends too. Beck and Nate were as close as me and Beth, so losing Mum four years later was hard on us all. But we got through it with the love and support of Beth and Nate and their parents, Bill and Sue. And it was a good thing because my dad, Phillip, had lost his way pretty much the day we lost Mum, and then losing Beck sent him over the edge. It’s been a tough few months. I rush outside with Beth hot on my tail. The second Nate is out the car, we’re both on him, and he laughs, wrapping us under each arm. “My two favourite people,” he says. I’m relieved that it’s not awkward like I feared it would be. I relax against him and inhale his spicy scent, closing my eyes. It feels so damn good to be in his arms again. “Okay, okay, let me breathe,” he adds, and we both take a step back. I smile shyly and take in the way his hair has grown out on top. He’s also added more ink to his skin, and I can’t wait to trail my fingers over the decorative art just like I did four months ago. Bill and Sue stand on the steps of their house, watching with wide smiles. Telling them about us is my first priority, because I’ve hated keeping us a secret all this time, but I wanted to do it with Nate by my side, and I know they’ll be over the moon for us. It’s not like Bill and Sue don’t know about my crush on their son. I’ve been mad about him since I turned twelve years old. It takes a second for me to process the passenger door opening, and we all turn at the same time as a woman appears. “Guys, I’d like you to meet Rebecca. She’s my girlfriend.” Nate’s words cut me like a knife. And as Rebecca smiles wide, showing her perfect white teeth and gorgeous blue eyes, I feel the knife twisting in my stomach. I watch as Nate’s family embrace her, welcoming her into their home like this is all normal and I’m not standing here dying. I’m rooted to the spot on the driveway, staring in horror as the door bangs shut. He has a girlfriend . . . since when? My dad looks up as I go into my house. He’s slouched at the table with a can of beer in his hand and at least twenty empties carelessly lying around. “What killed your mood?” he slurs. “Are you hungry?” I ask, knowing he won’t be. He never is. “I could fix something?” “Is he home?” “Who?” I ask innocently. “f*****g Nate,” he growls. Dad’s bitter, despite Beck’s accident being out of anyone’s control. Nobody could have predicted a suicide bomber in a town where the soldiers had managed to gain peace. “Yes. I’ve left them to have some family time.” “Family,” he grunts. “I remember when I had that.” “You still have it,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. “I haven’t gone anywhere.” The door opens and Beth bounces in. “What happened to you?” I force a smile. “It’s a family moment, Beth,” I explain, grabbing a slice of bread to give my hands something to do. “You are family. You’ve been excited to see Nate all day.” “Yeah, but he’s brought his girlfriend home to meet you all. I’ll call over later.” “Don’t be ridiculous. Mum made you a cup of tea, and we thought you were right behind us.” Beth takes my hand and pulls me back towards her house. CHAPTER TWO I stare down at my fingernails. I’d been trying hard not to bite them. It’s such a bad habit and one I’ve had for far too long, but sitting here beside Nate while he gushes about his new girlfriend has me picking at them until spots of blood begin to appear. “I can’t believe you met as pen pals,” says Sue. “It’s so romantic.” I scowl. I’d been writing to Nate every week from when he joined the Army. But since Beckett’s death, I’ve not had a single reply. At least now I know why. “We’ve been writing for almost a year,” says Rebecca. I look up in surprise. “A year!” I repeat. “We met six months ago in person, and I knew the minute I met him that he was the one,” she continues, oblivious to my heartache. “So, you’ve been together for six months?” I ask, and she nods, squeezing Nate’s hand. “That’s not all,” says Nate. “Mum, Dad, we’re getting married!” Sue and Bill jump up, smothering the happy couple in kisses and congratulating them. Bill drags Nate away to his study, telling us he needs time with his son to celebrate the moment. I blink hard, trying to contain my emotions. “I can’t believe my son is getting married,” gushes Sue. “How many times have you met?” I ask, picking harder at my sore fingers. “Andi,” says Sue, “that’s rude.” “Sorry,” I mutter. “I wasn’t being rude, I was just wondering.” “It’s fine,” says Rebecca, smiling that big, stupid smile. “We’ve spent every free moment together. It’s been hard with him being away a lot, but whenever he’s had leave, he’s travelled back to me. He came over four months ago and proposed, and this is the first time we’ve had a chance to come here and tell you the good news.” “April twenty-fifth?” I ask, and she nods. The day after Beckett’s funeral. Everyone’s smile fades, and Beth rubs my arm in sympathy. “Nate told me about your brother. I’m so sorry. He found it real tough. Beckett sounded like a great guy,” Rebecca replies. I stand and the chair scrapes back, making a screeching noise. “I should go. I’ll call later.” “Are you coming to the dinner?” asks Sue with concern etched on her face. I feel the tears threatening to fall and my throat tightens. “I don’t think so. Dad’s drunk, and I don’t want to leave him alone for too long,” I mutter, backing out the room. “Have a great time. And congratulations, Rebecca.” I turn and push hard out the door, breaking free into the fresh air and gasping in a lungful. Running until my feet hurt and my eyes sting, I don’t stop until I’m staring down at the gravestone of my mum and my brother. I drop to my knees and the tears release so freely, rushing down my cheeks and dripping onto the muddy heap of dirt. I run my fingers over their etched names on the cold marble. I miss them so much, the pain threatens to rip me apart. “I’m such an i***t,” I whisper, digging my nails into the dirt. “Why did I think he’d come home to me, and we’d live happily ever after?” “The reunion didn’t go well then?” I look to my left where Nyx is resting against his grandpa’s headstone. Beck and his grandpa were buried on the same day, it was pure coincidence that their plots were side by side, but I took comfort in knowing Beckett had someone beside him when they knocked on those pearly gates to Heaven. Grandpa Jack sounded like a great guy. Nyx always seems to be around when I need him, and we’ve often sat here putting the world to rights. It’s nice to have someone who isn’t so involved in my life. I turn until my bum hits the dirt and lean back against the headstone, staring straight ahead at the rows upon rows of graves. “Nope.” “What happened?” “He brought his girlfriend home.” “Holy s**t!” he says, almost laughing. I turn my head to the side and roll my eyes. “Thanks.” “Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just unexpected. I mean, when did he get a girlfriend?” I sigh heavily. “They’ve been talking for a year, met six months ago, and he proposed the night after he f****d me.” “Wow, charmer.” “I just don’t get it. He told me he liked me, that he had for years!” “Maybe he was grief stricken?” suggests Nyx. “No, you don’t understand. He was so into me, just like I’d always dreamed he’d be.” “Well, did you ask him to explain himself?” I scoff. “No way. I ran out of there like a heartbroken kitten that just got stomped on. I’m so f*****g dumb. I should have known when he didn’t reply to any of my letters.” “You deserve an explanation, Andi. Go back there and ask him what the f**k he’s playing at.” “I can’t face it right now. Dad’s drunk again, so I need to deal with him. He’s struggling with Nate being home when Beck isn’t.” “You can’t blame the guy. He’s watching them live happily ever after. It’s the life he should be having with his son and wife.” “And in the meantime, I’m right under his nose.” “Hang in there, Andi. Things will get better. CHAPTER THREE It’s not unusual for Dad to lash out, he’s so sad all the time. And so, when I try to help him to bed, he freaks, calling me every name under the sun and shoving me away hard enough for me to hit my cheek on the side unit and cut it clean open. We end the night with him sobbing on top of his bed sheets, and me watching from the doorway through silent tears. I want to make things better for him. I wish I could bring Mum and Beckett back. I’d give my life for them to be here instead, just to stop Dad’s suffering. And I’ve begged . . . trust me, I’ve begged to every god possible to end our suffering. What did we do so wrong to deserve this? When his sobs fall silent, I grab a washcloth and head outside. I lower myself onto the steps that lead up to my house and gently dab the cut on my cheek. “You didn’t come to the meal.” I start at the sound of Nate’s voice. He appears through a gap in the fence we never got fixed. “What happened?” he asks, concern lacing his voice. “Nothing. I came out here for some peace,” I say, hinting for him to leave. “Things been getting worse with your old man?” he asks. “Did I imagine it?” I ask, lowering my eyes so he doesn’t see the sadness there. “Because I felt something, and I thought you did too.” He sighs and lowers down to sit beside me. “It’s complicated, Bug. So f*****g complicated.” Bug, the nickname he’s always called me because I’d bug him until he paid me attention when we were growing up. “Break it down for me,” I mutter coldly. “What happened between us shouldn’t have,” he begins, and the burning ache in my chest intensifies. “It’s not your fault. It was nothing you did.” “You said you’d liked me for years,” I remind him, refusing to believe he lied. “And I did. But Beckett was my best friend, and there’s no way he’d have approved of us. You’re his kid sister! Besides, there’s ten years between us!” “That didn’t bother you before,” I mutter. “None of that mattered.” “I know, but it should have. I was grieving, Bug, and—” “Andi,” I hiss. “My name is Andi.” He shifts uncomfortably. I’ve never been mad at Nate, ever. “I don’t want things to change between us,” he says, and I stand, resisting the urge to scream in his face. “Please, Bug . . . Andi, I want you to meet Rebecca properly. I think you’ll really like her.” “Good night, Nate.” I head inside, making sure to lock the front door, not that he’d follow me. He’s made himself clear. I clear away Dad’s empty cans, holding myself together while I tidy around. It’s not until I get into bed that I allow myself to break into a hundred pieces. When strong arms wrap around me, I let them. Nyx presses his nose into my hair and whispers comforting words while I cry into my pillow, all the while rubbing his hand over my tiny bump. When the sun brightens my room, I slowly open my eyes and stretch out. Memories of yesterday flood my mind, and I groan when my heart twists. It wasn’t a bad dream. Nate really did come home with a new girlfriend, he really did announce his engagement, and I really am four months pregnant with his baby. Rolling over, I smile at the small, blue forget-me-not flower lying beside me. Nyx has been great these last few months, turning up whenever I need him. I don’t know how he knows when I’m struggling, but his night-time visits have comforted me through some dark times. It used to freak me out, especially when he first turned up, but now, I’m used to it. I almost depend on it. Dad is nursing a tall glass of water when I go into the kitchen. “What happened to your eye?” he grumbles, hardly looking up. I touch the sensitive wound. “I slipped on water and hit it,” I lie. “How’s the head?” He shrugs, not bothering to reply. “Yah know, I’m heading to work, but when I get back, we could go for dinner,” I suggest. He nods, his eyes finally meeting mine. “I’m gonna try harder,” he mutters. “I promise.” I gently squeeze his shoulder and smile. “Okay.” *** I love my job at the bridal shop, but I hate my boss. We secretly call her Cruella, but her actual name is Ella, and she’s strict on times and snotty as hell. She’s been running the business for a year, ever since her dad died, leaving everything to her. Errol was a fantastic boss. We all loved him, and his death affected everyone here. Everyone except Cruella. He wanted to help me fulfil my dream of making my own dresses. I design them, but it’s not often Cruella allows me time to work on them. I fluff out the train of the dress our latest bride is trying on and then step back and smile at her reflection in the full-length mirror. “It’s perfect,” I say. “I want more in at the waist,” she demands, turning side to side to check out her already tiny figure. I arch my brow. “Are you sure? There’s still six weeks to go. We could wait until your final fitting and make any adjustments then.” “I want it taken in,” she says, more firmly this time. “It’s just . . . well, it’s easier to remove extra material than add it in. The dress is a perfect fit right now and anything can happen in six weeks.” “Are you actually stupid?” she snaps, getting Cruella’s attention. She rushes over. “Is everything okay?” The bride-to-be wastes no time listing my incompetency, and Cruella glares at me. “Take a break,” she hisses. “I’ll take over.” I roll my eyes and sigh, marching over to the front desk and opening the appointment book. I have back-to-back clients all day, so it’s a welcome rest. The shop doorbell tinkers and I look up into the eyes of the man I love. “Nate,” I murmur. He smiles, leaning on the counter to reach across and gently stroke his thumb over my cut cheek. “Nasty,” he whispers. “How are you?” I glance at Cruella nervously. “I’m at work, Nate, what do you want?” “It’s about work actually. Mum told Rebecca what an amazing dress designer you are, and I was wondering if you’d design hers?” I’m already shaking my head before he’s finished. “It’s not a good idea.” “Why? You’re brilliant, and she’s got some great ideas.” “Because you know how I feel about you,” I hiss, as if he’s lost his mind. “And now you’re asking me to have consultations with your fiancée to talk about your wedding?” “Come on, Bug, we went through this.” “I’m sorry. I’m booked up, so it’s impossible.” Cruella strides over, her smile firmly in place as she assesses Nate. “How can we help you?” “I wanted Andi to design my fiancée’s dress, but she tells me she’s too booked up,” he replies glumly. “Nonsense,” snaps Cruella, snatching the diary and flicking through. “I can move things around. How does tomorrow suit?” I glare at Nate, but he’s already grinning and nodding. “Fantastic. Andi, give this gentleman your hourly rate and an appointment card,” she orders. CHAPTER FOUR “You’ve been avoiding me,” says Beth accusingly, placing her hands on her hips. She’s standing in my bedroom doorway and glaring like an annoyed parent. I laugh. “I have not. I saw you yesterday.” “And then you ran out on me. And you didn’t come to dinner.” “I told you, Dad wasn’t well.” “He’s an alcoholic,” she snaps. “He’s never well.” I scowl, and she sighs. “Sorry,” she mumbles. “I’ve had a hell of a day at work. Cruella was in top form and completely screwed me over. She squeezed your brother into my day tomorrow, and now, I’m pushed to the limit.” Beth flops down on my bed. “Yeah, he said he went to see you.” “I’m not sure I’m right for Rebecca. I have so much on, I’m worried I won’t give it my all. Maybe she should find someone else?” Beth takes my hand and gives me a sympathetic smile. “Listen, I know how much you like Nate, and it must be hard to see him happy like this. But to him, you’re like a kid sister. He loves you, just not in that way.” I snatch my hand away. “I know that!” I snap. “So be happy for him,” she pleads. “I am happy, Beth. I just have a busy schedule.” “She’s practically family. You have to design her dress.” ❦ “It’s like they want to torture me!” I yell, throwing my arms in the air. Nyx watches from his usual spot on his grandpa’s grave with a smirk on his face. “Just don’t do it. Or make it hideous so she goes elsewhere.” “Cruella will fire me. She gave me a huge lecture about turning business away and said she’d cut my commission if I didn’t do it.” “Then take a cut.” “And who would pay the bills? Dad certainly won’t. Yah know, he told me this morning that he was gonna try harder. I got home and he was passed out with a bottle of Jack.” “It’s an illness,” he mutters. “He can’t help it.” “I’m getting sick of the excuses.” Nyx pushes to his feet. “Give him a break, it’s not his fault. And design the dress, make it magical and everything Rebecca wants. She didn’t ask to be stuck in the middle of your love triangle. And chill a bit. Your negative energy scares the spirits away.” He kisses me on the head and walks away with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his cap pulled low over his eyes. I kneel beside Mum and Beckett. “Am I scaring you all away?” I ask no one in particular. “Who else am I supposed to talk to?” The silence stretches out. “You’re right, maybe I should take a chill pill. Maybe Dad has the right idea.” ❦ I don’t hear from Nyx that night. I toss and turn because I’m used to having him here lately and I feel the loss. By sunrise, I’m irritable about not being able to sleep. I dress in my running gear and hit the pavement, loving the sound of my feet pounding hard. Whenever Beck was home, we’d go running together. Sometimes, Nathan joined us. I loved those times the best, but right now, I’d give anything to have my brother pushing me with words of encouragement. I do a full circuit and stop outside my house with my hands on my knees, trying to suck in enough air so I don’t pass out. “Still running?” asks Nathan from his doorway. “Looks that way,” I bite back. He strolls over, holding a cup of coffee. “I miss it. I might take it up again if you fancy a running partner?” I straighten, pulling my shirt loose to hide my bump. “I’m good, thanks. I prefer to run alone these days.” A sad look passes over his face. “Rebecca is looking forward to her appointment later.” “Great. Can’t wait.” I start to walk up my path. “Bug, please, be nice.” I roll my eyes, keeping my back to him. “I’m the queen of nice.” ❦ I get to work, and I’m relieved my first client is early. Maybe my day will run smoothly because of it. All the other girls are busy with their own clients, which means there’s no one to help out by running to fetch accessories. By my third client, my feet are burning. When I spot Rebecca, part of me is relieved. At least we’ll get to sit and talk about designs for a while. She hands me a take-out latte. “Nathan said it was your favourite.” I smile awkwardly. “Thanks.” Damn, why is she so nice? We sit opposite each other at my desk, and I pull out my folder of sketches. “Have you set a date?” “Yes, New Year’s Eve.” “Wow, that’s four months away.” I know without checking because I’m having a January baby. “We’d better get to work.” I watch as she flicks through my designs. She’s pretty, in an understated kind of way, and she doesn’t need makeup and perfectly styled hair to pull off a great look. She’s in jeans and an olive-coloured jumper, her hair pushed into a messy bun, and yet she looks radiant. I know I have so many designs that would suit her perfectly, and I begrudgingly take the folder back and turn to the winter collection. “None of my brides have seen these,” I tell her. I leave out the part that I designed these for myself. My dream dresses. “And I think any of these will be perfect for your figure.” She smiles wide, her eyes glistening. “Oh my god, I love them all,” she whispers in awe. “You’re an amazing designer.” “Thanks.” I laugh. “If only Vera Wang would recognise me.” “Forget her, these are incredible. You need your own shop!” I laugh again. “That was the dream,” I trail off without adding before my life went to total s**t. “I love the style of this but with this detail,” she says, flicking between two pages. “This thin belt is gorgeous, and I like the way it breaks the dress up.” I nod, grabbing my pencil and adding the belt to the design she likes. “I think little pearls along here would suit you. You have a skin tone that would tie in great, and pearls have an understated beauty.” I add them to the drawing, and she nods with excitement. “I honestly thought I’d be here for hours, but you’ve nailed it.” Reaching into my side drawer, I pull out a batch of material swatches. “We’re not totally done. Now, the fun starts.” ❦ “So, was she everything you expected from your arch nemesis?” asks Nyx, smirking. I run my fingers over the engraved letters of Mum’s name like I always do when I sit here pondering the state of my life. “What did you do today?” I ask. “Huh?” I look over to where he’s resting with his head tipped up to the sky. “I don’t know anything about you.” “Your life is so complicated, you don’t have room for my bullshit.” “What job do you do?” He sniggers. “The less you know about that, the better.” “What other family have you got? I know you lived with your Grandpa Jack, but I don’t ever see anyone else visiting here.” “You look tired. You didn’t sleep last night?” I shake my head. “Do you have siblings?” “Maybe I’ll call by later.” It’s the first time he’s acknowledged his night visits. “How do you get in?” “That’s your only concern?” “If you’re some kind of criminal, I need to start locking up better.” He grins. “Bit late to push me out, Andi.” ❦