His Mark On My Madness

"One day my mate will find me and burn this damn place to the ground." I said to myself again, under my breath like it was some sort of magic spell that could keep me standing even when my knees were shaking and my throat was sore from holding back screams because no matter how many times i told myself i was strong, worthy or choosen. The truth was that the blood on my hands had dried years ago the night parents died and no one cared that i was the Alpha's daughter anymore, not when i couldn't even shift, not when the pack dumped me like i was trash at Aunt Osa's door step after the car crash. She didn't cry or even blinked, she just pulled me inside like i was another duty, another burden, another mouth to feed and from that day i stopped being Reina the heir and became Reina the problem, the weakling, the curse, the girl who scrubbed floors while they spit blood at her feeth and no one dared to look me in the eye except the ones who wanted to hurt me. "You missed a spot." His voice made my fingers go still on the mop. That stupid voice. Marcus. I didn't look up, not yet. He kicked the bucket with the side of his shoe making the red water splash onto the tiles like he wanted me to start over, like this was his fun for the day. "Didn't you hear me?" I looked up then- slow and quiet because i learned to keep my face calm even when i wanted to scream and saw his smug face. My Aunt's lapdog, her messenger boy with too much pride and not enough brain. "I heard you." I answered, mopping and squeezing it back into the blood stained stone walls. He knelt down with his eyes cold. "You still think you are better than us?" "No." I said calmly. "Just better than you". He made a face and i braced myself for it but instead of striking me, he leaned in closer. "Your wolf still hiding? or maybe she died that night your parents did?" That one stung, he knew it did but i smilled. “She is smarter than you.” I said under my breath but stared straight at him. “She knows garbage when she sees it.” "Better don't speak about things you are too weak to understand." That did it, he caught me by my wrist, jerked me up and squeezed me viciously against the wall. "You are nothing, no wolf, no pack and no one wants you, not even your mate." I didn't flinch. "You think you are scary?” I asked quietly. "You are just loud.” His hold crushed and then suddenly i caught it, the quiver of fear behind the anger. I wasn't afraid of him, i never had been. He shoved me and then released me. “Funny how you keep crawling down to my level then. What’s the matter? Not man enough to fight someone your size?” I replied "You are going to die here just as your parents." I didn't answer, i just picked up the mop and started cleaning again. Later that night, i sat on the floor of the laundry room, the smell of bleach still in my nose and then i drank the wolfsbane tea Aunt Osa had brewed and left in my room- same time, every night like a routine or a ritual to keep my wolf asleep, though sometimes i wondered if i ever had one at all. She never says much to me but her eyes did, her eyes screamed things her mouth never said. I told myself i didn't care but i did especially when i thought of him. Alec. My first mate. The one who gazed at me with those soft and almost pitying eyes when he saw that i could not shift, the one who pulled me behind him when marcus tried to get rough, the one who says i will take care of you on the first week and on the next one "You are not enough for me." He rejected me, said i wasn't strong enough and i believed him. This did not prevent the manner in which my heart still would twist at how i see him in the distance. It could not cut down the memory of his hand touching mine or how he used to protect me as though i were worth protecting- when he was the first to tell me im nothing. God i hated him so much for it but sometimes hate felt a lot like longing. So when i snuck out that night through the back door and into the cold air, i didn't do it to find anyone or feel free, i did it because i needed space and quiet. The only place which did not make me feel suffocated was the woods, no guards stopped me, they never did at night anymore, maybe they assumed that a person like me would never dare to run, or maybe they thought i had no where to go and they were right. I felt the moon gazing down upon me like a huge eye seeing everything, the trees had their long branches touching the path and the wind blew between the leaves as though it was telling secrets. I went on on till i could no longer see the estate, untill the world felt still and then i stopped because the air changed. It felt heavier and thicker like it was watching me. The old leaves were crushed beneath my bare feet as i forced my way farther into the trees, compelled by something i could not describe, of which i felt unsafe and then i heard it. A snap, a twig, i froze and my heart pounded against my ribs so hard that i was sure, it would break. "Who's there?”