While You Pretended Not To See

The day I decided I hated the first days wasn’t dramatic or anything. No big disaster. No movie-style embarrassment. Just this weird feeling in my chest… like something was going to go wrong. I don’t even know how to explain it properly. Like… you just know, you know? Hi. I’m Natalie. Just a shy girl. That’s it. Nothing special. "Yahoo", it is nothing to be excited about, especially for an introvert like me. Why? But sometimes it is good to be an introvert. I also had the extrovert side, but it had to be unlocked. I’ve always been the quiet one. The background character. The girl who exists in the corner of every room but never really stands out in it. I am so silly... I once told my sister that I wanted that, before I get married to a person, I should have some cute scenes and a novel like a love story how stupid … thoughts and imagination. My sister. She’s the opposite of me in every possible way. People naturally gather around her wherever she goes. She talks easily, laughs loudly, fits in anywhere without trying. And me? I rehearse sentences in my head before speaking. Like I’m preparing for an exam I might fail. Today is my first day of college. Exciting, right? Except it isn’t. First days always feel like a setup. Like something embarrassing is waiting around the corner and I just don’t know what it is yet. I checked my bag again. Lip balm. At least I didn’t forget that. Small win. My heart was already doing that annoying fast beat thing. I’ve never been in a co-ed system before, and somehow my parents think that automatically turns life into a romance movie. Which is… annoying. “Be careful,” my mother had said this morning. Careful of what exactly? Anyway. I was already late. Perfect start. My father dropped me at the bus stop. And there it was. The bus. It looked old… like it had seen too many mornings and given up caring. Great. I stepped inside quickly. Okay. Breathe. Natalie Breathe. I found a window seat. Safe. At least I don’t have to talk to anyone yet. The bus started moving. Outside, everything looked familiar but slightly off today—like the world was the same, but I wasn’t. Shops. Roads. People I’ve seen a thousand times. But today, it all felt louder. I pressed my head against the window. Maybe today will be normal. Probably not. A girl like me doesn’t get “normal days.” We get awkward ones. The kind you remember at 2 a.m. and want to disappear from. The bus slowed. Traffic. Of course. My thoughts didn’t slow down though. They never do. When I finally reached college, my stomach dropped slightly. So that is it. Normal building. Normal gate. Nothing magical. Just reality. And reality was loud. Too many people. Too much confidence. Perfect hair everywhere. And me… Lip balm girl. Nice. I walked slowly toward the CS building, pretending I knew where I was going. I didn’t. Near the entrance, a group of senior boys was standing. “First day… jackpot,” one of them said. Another laughed. “Freshers everywhere.” "Very .. Beautiful Freshers, Everywhere," he said while looking at me. My face heated instantly. What can I do? I looked down and walked faster. My mom was always right… Careful. Too early for attention. A professor arrived, and everyone started moving inside. Relief. Inside the computer lab, noise hit immediately. Chairs scraping. Bags dropping. Voices everywhere. Too many people. Too much everything. I went straight to the back and sat down. Safe zone. Perfect. Then— “Introductions.” Of course. Why is it always introductions? One by one, students started standing. Confident voices. Nervous voices. Fake confident voices. I already knew I was going to be the nervous one. A girl was sitting after me. She talked with me. I asked for her name. She says, "Marie". Her name was pretty like her. After that I felt something. That strange awareness. Like someone had entered the room differently. I looked up. A guy stood near the front. Not loud. Not trying to impress anyone. Just… still. His voice was quite impressive. Very confident he was. Composed in a way that didn’t match the surrounding chaos. He spoke during introductions, but I wasn’t really listening. For some reason, my eyes kept going back to him. Then— “Next. Back row.” My heart dropped. Me. I stood up too fast. “Hi… I’m Natalie.” I give my brief intro. My voice came out smaller than I wanted. I sat down immediately. Face burning. I stared at my desk like it could save me. Please stop thinking about it. Please stop thinking about him. But then— That feeling again. Someone was looking. I hesitated. I hesitated. Looked up slightly. The same guy. He had turned. Not casually. Slowly. Like he had noticed something worth pausing for. Our eyes met for a second. And I forgot how to breathe properly. I looked away instantly. But the strange part was… he didn’t.