his love for me

ch 19: How I Met Nigel

"Don't show me moods", He said in a pleading tone. "You want me to smile so that a photographer can take our photos that we were smiling and you could get another tool to blackmail me", I said in a sarcastic tone. He was driving me home but he abruptly stopped the car. He took a deep breath to calm himself down and asked me "what do you want me against the favour you would render me,ask anything", it seemed like I won a lottery, he seemed rich , I could ask anything but why would I? I thought for a moment then said, "ok I will help you one more time (because i had no other option) after that you will give me that certificate and pictures and you wouldn't keep any copy of those and then we would never meet , do you agree? " He smiled ans nodded his head, oh my he looked so cute.

          He dropped me in front of my house and went away. I knocked my house's door impatiently twice or thrice and then my mother came out. I hugged her tightly, it seemed like years had passed. She hugged me and then pushed me a little and asked what had happened?She was confuse over my behavior.Would that i could tell her. She asked me how was the hiking and i told her lame stories which she listened with keen interest. It was half past ten when we ate our dinner. I missed this food. After dinner, I went to my room and after so many years I wasn't thinking about Nigel anymore. I was thinking about Jayce. I think it was a healthy improvement. I woke up with the sound of alarm and wondered where I was. At his place or mine? I tried my best to open my eyes and noticed sky blue walls of my room. Yesss, I was in my room in my blankets. I closed my eyes and straightened my legs and covered my face with blanket. This indicated that i wanted to sleep more. After exactly five minutes my alarm began to ring again. I am a heavy sleeper and always sets two alarms to get up. I got up, got into a formal suit and did my breakfast and went college on bus. I was thinking about Jayce all the time, and about the things in his kingdom. I tried to control my thinking to some extent. I reached college and everything was normal, same students, same arrogance, their same cool dude pretentious behavior and they didn't do their assignments as usual. In beginning, i used to scold them, shout at them, gave them private counselling but now I am fed up. Because now i have realized that no matter whatever i do, the person who doesn't want to study, he won't study. I continued my lecture, told them about arithmetic mean and other types of mean (not told about it as an adjective ,that people can be more mean than any arithmetic or geometric mean), i was delivering my lecture and looking at my whole class. Then there was a green eyed boy, and man he reminded me of Jayce . Let me tell you another thing, a good teacher is usually fully absorbed in his/her lecture.  Good teachers shut their brain for all their other problems and for those 45-50 minutes of lecture their whole attention is on you, i do same. It was quite distracting for me that my mind wasn't on my lecture now. For almost two minutes I forgot the formula of geometric mean, I started getting angry now. Enough Anora! i shouted in my mind. Rest of the day spent in a haze.

              I went home, did my lunch and went in my room. It wasn't right, why am i thinking about him? I shouldn't do it. I started staring at wall.

                  flashback #1

 I was in college (as a student), it was my first day. I was a shy, innocent , kind , intelligent and stupid girl. There was an orientation session and I saw my teachers . There was Nigel. Yes, he was a teacher. No, he wasn't my teacher because he won't have any lecture in my class. He had light brown eyes and fair complexion. He was wearing white shirt and brown dress pants. He was cleanly shaved. His arms were over his chest (After so many years i still remember everything like it just had happened yesterday). I was sitting at end of hall but my eyes were on him. I reprimanded myself after a few minutes. Orientation session ended and we came out. Regular classes started from next day and now it was a routine. I liked college because I was never too lazy to study. I saw Nigel in other classes but i never paid attention. I thought my crush was just for 5-10 minutes. It was weird for even my standards but i was single and happy because I had seen my many friends in a relationship and they weren't living a happy life like mine. They cried after every few day , used to beg their bfs and what not. I hated such scenarios. I was intelligent and soon got attention of my all teachers. I hate attention, I behave weird when i get attention. I can't tell how much i want to borrow cloak of invisibility from Harry Potter when a teacher gives me attention. One day, our one teacher was absent and Nigel came in our class as his substitute. Basically our principal was a strict man and he couldn't allow us to sit without supervision. He was just there to supervise us. My crush was totally gone by now and he was an ordinary human being for me. He talked to our class, my friend and i were sitting in one corner and we made a lot of fun of his conversation with class. It was a normal thing what students do. He noticed me smiling (that was suppressed laughter) and asked my name and turned around to write something on white board. At the same moment, devil in my best friend woke up and she put her hand on my mouth and i was unable to speak. Nigel spoke again," second last girl in corner, what is you name?" still a silence because my mouth was covered with my friend's hand,whole class was smiling. The moment he turned, my friend removed her hand from my mouth and i was dumbfounded."My name is Anora sir", i said with a confused look and gave him a sheepish smile to cover my embarrassment.

Days passed by, We met in corridor once or twice. He came in our class as a substitute once in every two ,three weeks. That lecture usually went smooth. One or two girls had a crush on him, hormonal girls. For me, he was just a normal guy, nothing more nothing less. It had been more than three months in this college. One day , he again came as a substitute but today our teacher was present then why did he come today,i wondered. "I came to your class because I had spent good time with you and today is my last day. So , i just came to bade my goodbye", many girls became sad but my friend and i were laughing, obviously it was a suppressed laughter. We both were like , " so what? If you are going , what can we do. " Actually our teacher was to take test in this lecture and any student can understand how happy we were, we were on cloud nine. Nigel noticed us and for a moment we felt bad that he is going and we are showing him our smiles. "Oh please, don't go, you are such a nice person", I said this to cover our not-so-acceptable behavior. He got serious and started telling us the benefits of his new job,better status,more income blah blah, man i wasn't even 1% interested in all those things. I was just interested in one thing that our test has cancelled. Lecture was about to end and the girls of our class started to take his good bye wishes on diaries, s**t, i hate girls. How can be they so dramatic and stupid at same time. My friend and I were rolling eyes at their stupidity. Who the *** takes a note on diaries in 21st century? He gave it to all and now my friend and I were the last person left. We had no intention of doing this act of lunacy but he was looking at us. My friend and I looked at each other and then my friend stood and gave him her notebook. I sighed because this was the only solution to avoid any awkward scene. After that I gave him my notebook. He wrote his wishes and gave me back. My friend asked me what had he written? I gave her my copy, why would I bother that what had he written? My friend was reading and out of boredom I took a peek to read that. But what I did notice was,,, below his signature he gave me his cell number.  size of my eyes got double with shock and i closed the notebook abruptly. My friend asked me what happened, i told her that it was last period so we should go back home. At my way back home, I kept thinking that why he did this. Now I bothered by what he had written. I came back home, went in my room and pretended that i am asleep. My kind got stagnant on that thought. Yes, i was overthinking even then. I couldn't decide that whether i should text him or not. It was a convoluted situation for me. I didn't text him for a few weeks but i was so stupid. I was so respectful towards others. I thought he was older than me and i was disrespecting him by not texting him. But i was the sunshine of my mum, I had never talked to a boy on a phone. I was just seventeen then and my mother was very strict in that regard. I found a solution. I wouldn't chat with him. I will just send a few messages. In this way, neither i will disrespect Nigel nor i will cheat my mum. Problem solved.ta-da.

           I texted him ,he replied. He said he was waiting for two months for my text and i was in a shock,a positive shock , that he still remembered me and waited for my text. We chatted for a few minutes and then i made an excuse and left chat because my conscious was taunting me that i was cheating my mum. But after that i never could live a normal life. I used to think about him all the time, all the f*** time. I used to pray that he texts because i didn't want to show him that i was so needy and clingy. He was all over on my thoughts .

          End of flashback

I was standing in front of mirror by now and my cheeks were wet due to tears. I can't be the same girl again. I can't allow my thoughts to wander away

 I can't allow a man to occupy my thought. I can't allow a man to ruin me again. I have been through a heart break, I won't survive to another one. From this moment onwards, I won't think about Jayce. He would come to take me,ok. I would go with him and after that it all would end. I am not that stupid girl anymore. I wiped my tears and fell on my bed. I only needed sleep by now otherwise i would have another depression attack. This is what my past does to me.