Forbidd3n

do you see me now?

I walked back to the lab frustrated with myself, what had I done?was I going to mess all of this up before I even had her ? But honestly a part of me was proud that I hadn't made a fool of myself after all maybe this things came naturally.

I'd have to stop overthinking and just let fate take it's course. I smiled when that thought hit me , quickly pulling out my pen to write the final letter, I was gonna ask her to come meet after classes, this was my chance probably the last so I was gonna use it well.

“hey beautiful, I don't know how you manage waking up so dazzling everyday because you take my breath away every time I see you , may it be day or night .I don't think I can manage to stay away any second longer, maybe this is the part in our story when I stop lurking in the shadows and come out graced by your presence, maybe this is the part I get to touch your skin and wrap you in my arms , maybe this is where I get the chance to be in your presence, get the chance to cuddle you up when your skin gets cold or hold your hand when it's freezing, maybe this is where I get to taste your lips and get addicted to the feel of it , maybe this is where I get to claim you as mine .

with love

love, anonymous ”

I folded the paper carefully then gave it to a random person to take it to her , I was dying of nervousness but I wasn't gonna back out , it was now or never I said to myself out loud.

hours passed slowly , truth be told I wasn't concentrating I didn't hear anything the teacher said my mind was brimming with ideas of what would happen when we met, what if she straight on rejected me , would I be able to handle it ? would my tears come falling Infront of her or would I walk away strong but go cry when others slept.

I don't know why we fight so hard to find love , is it really worth it , mostly at the end of love ordeals, hearts are broken , lives are shattered , but yet we sacrifice everything for it , even when we heal we still seek it out again, why can't we survive on loving ourselves and bettering myself.

Even when my mind showed me the many cons of pursuing us, I still couldn't let it go , not before she broke me apart or well accepted me . which was less likely but I was still holding onto it .

The end of our lessons came faster than expected, well mainly because I was counting down seconds on the wall clock, with my heart in my hands and my mind working overtime I walked to the meetplace I'd Scrabbled at the back of the letter.

it was the rooftop of our hostels, I was there faster than I'd ever been , luckily she hadn't arrived yet so and I had time to calm myself down Abit, I had footsteps coming from the staircase and my heartbeat skipped eight beats , I turned around to see her smiling at me ” I knew it was you M”

“what do you mean” I asked not expecting her to be that direct and well even have a clue of who I am.“ you aren't subtle, if you think you are , I've been seeing you eyeing me , I just couldn't talk to you yet , the wait was fun, ooh and I loved the letters" I've never been as speechless as I was at that minute , I had compiled a list of things id say , but right at that moment nothing was on my mind .

I thought you didn't see me I argued back , because truth be told I never thought I'd be worthy of her attention, I thought In her world I was invisible, but all along she saw me , she sees me.

“ooh and I knew your handwriting before you even came up with the letters” now that left me even more astonished but some of my fears faded away , maybe I love fate now , in all of my thoughts never had I thought it'd go that well , but maybe luck was with me now.

can I get a hug , I said lightly almost jokingly, maybe I thought she'd say no and I'd lessen the pain , but she opened up her arms for me hugging me back as tight ,maybe we were all waiting for this moment well maybe except you , ?you thought we gonna kiss , sorry reader

we sat at the edge looking down on the swamp , getting to know each other better , just enjoy each other's company , I didn't wanna rush this and I'd do anything just to do everything right with her , I wanted her for forever not just for a moment.and that shocked me to my core.

surprisingly I wasn't even her first girl, she had been gay for a while , I had to tame my tongue about my past beliefs and just pretend that this wasnt new to me , and I was sure of what I was doing , we all know I wasn't and I was scared shitless her ex's were better than me and had her in ways I wouldn't ever know how to have her or please her.

I just hoped if I gave my all , she'd appreciate that and overlook my undercomings because I'm sure they will be many , I just hoped we'd get a chance to become something, mean the most to each other , grow in love and in friendships, I wanted everything with her , not just in the moment or in my schooling years, for forever