suicide
I was working overtime in the office building when the news of Li Chishu jumping off the building came.
At 10:30 pm, the whole building was as quiet as a dark old tree, and only my small piece of land was used to bore a small hole in it with the light.
Luo Ke called me, her voice was shaking like a sieve, which made me suspect that the cables in the entire city were cut one by one in just half a minute, which caused her to jump out like a sieve word by word: "Shen Baoshan... Li Chishu jumped off the building."
The gap was still the bright gap, but I, a borer, drove recklessly on the way to the First Hospital of the City without blinking an eye - just kidding, life is precious, and no one understands this truth better than me at the moment.
But in the end, I ran two red lights at an empty intersection.
When I went to the hospital, Li Chishu was still in danger of death. Luo Ke asked me to sit down over there. I was stiff all over, and my brain was so numb that I couldn't recognize my hands and feet. My ears received Luo Ke's words, but my fingers refused to move even a little.
"Sixth floor... I don't know how he climbed up... When he fell, he said he bumped into something to cushion his fall... The person who was brought here was already unconscious..."
I forgot how long I waited outside the ICU that night, and I also forgot what color the light under the sign changed from. I even forgot what the facial features looked like when Li Chishu was pushed out - no, I never saw it, his whole head was wrapped up.
I only remember that I saw many sunrises and sunsets in front of his bed. Those days when my memory was blurred to a blank, I occasionally wondered if anyone turned off the lights in the office building later. After thinking for a few seconds, I saw Li Chishu on the bed, and I thought, screw him, I don't care if you turn it off or not, I have money, I can turn off the sun, but don't turn off Li Chishu's oxygen mask.
Even if the King of Hell comes, it can't be turned off.
In the end, it wasn't the King of Hell who turned it off, Li Chishu pulled it himself.
I was speechless.
Li Chishu didn't want to live anymore, and this was not the first time.
He has taken pills, cut his wrists, and even tried to strangle himself on the doorknob. His crimes are too numerous to list. If I had installed fewer cameras, this bastard would have succeeded.
This time he was smart and jumped off the rooftop. Damn it, who can install surveillance cameras in the sky?
Dog.
One day I will ask the aircraft carrier builder who can bring one up for me. It won't be used before, but it will be used after he dies.
... Forget it. If I had that ability, could I still make Li Chishu look like this?
Speaking of this, Li Chishu actually woke up once one night. But now I'm not sure whether it was my dream or he really woke up.
I remember that his eyelashes moved first.
Li Chishu's eyelashes are very eye-catching, thick and long, and his eyes are so beautiful, like a Barbie doll. In the past, when he was shy, his eyelashes would cover his eyeballs as soon as he lowered his head. I couldn't see his expression. Every time I had to lower my head to look, and when I looked, he would hide. I realized it only after his ears turned red. Oh, this guy is embarrassed again.
In my life, I always realized things about Li Chishu after a while.
I realized after a while that he had liked me for many years, after a while that he was sick, after a while that he was taking medicine, after a while that he was seriously ill, after a while that he wanted to die for a long time.
There are many popular sayings about his disease. Some say it is a rich disease, some say it is a disease of idleness, and some say it is an art disease. What do they mean? Most people with this disease are artists.
Yes, yes, yes, that's it. The scientific name is depression.
This is not our Li Chishu trying to cheat. I have to correct the name. This disease is indeed popular. He is not a person who likes to chase trends. He can wear a white T-shirt for three years. How can he know what is outdated?
He just got it simply, and he didn't know how he got it.
One day, he was sitting on the sofa at home waiting for me to come home. Looking at the fruit knife on the table, he suddenly wanted to stab himself.
This is what he told me when I found out for the third time that he wanted to commit suicide.
I'm getting off topic.
What happened when Li Chishu woke up that night? I remember it so clearly.
That short minute is the clearest part of my vague memories for so long. I can even count the number of times the oxygen mask on his face exhaled and exhaled.
So I think it was so clear that that minute should not be a dream.
He was quite entangled when he opened his eyes, and his eyelashes trembled a few times before he opened them. As soon as he opened his eyes, he saw me staring at him.
He didn't seem surprised, and he used the same look he had given me countless times before to deal with me, plain and indifferent.
He looked at me and smiled like this when I was talking nonsense in his ear, when I hid flowers on my back to give him, he looked at me and smiled like this, when I secretly tattooed his name on my arm, he looked at me and smiled like this, and when I found out that he was secretly taking medicine, he also looked at me and smiled like this.
Now that we are saying goodbye, he still looks at me and smiles like this.
He smiled like this: his eyelashes fluttered a few times, then his eyes curved up, and then he slightly raised the corner of his mouth that was exposed under the gauze, his eyes were watery and lively.
That smile was like saying: Okay, Shen Baoshan, don't be angry. For the last time we met, don't always give me a bad face.
When he smiled, I stared at the ceiling.
Tears still rolled down to the ground.
The doctor said that his internal organs were damaged and there was no hope. It would only be a few days.
I looked back and Li Chishu smiled even more flatteringly.
He smiled for a while, and my face was not so bad. I saw him say a few words.
In fact, Li Chishu couldn't speak for a long time, and I couldn't hear him even if he could, but I knew a little bit of lip reading.
I don't remember when I started learning lip reading, probably when he attempted suicide for the second time. One day, I searched for courses online for no reason.
From the first time I looked up information, searched online courses, finished my homework, and chose a class with the best reputation, I was ready to pay, and I woke up from my dream, closed the page in panic, and finally carefully selected courses and studied meticulously, it only took a few days.
At that time, I had no idea why I wanted to learn. Later, I thought that it should be driven by a nerve in my body that loved Li Chishu more than my brain realized.
That nerve, perhaps Li Chishu secretly transplanted into my body some year in the past, was actually earlier than Shen Baoshan himself to realize that Li Chishu would have such a day.
He said: Shen Baoshan, go home.
It sounds very romantic, right? It's like he wants me to take him home.
So why does he, Li Chishu, love me, because I can understand what he says.
He didn't want me to take him home, but I wanted to go home by myself.
I tilted my head and looked at him.
He smiled at me, shyly, with a little flattery.
He was almost breaking his head and still smiled?
This was the last sentence I cursed him with in my life. That night was the first time I went home after his accident.
I sat on the floor of the living room, doing nothing. Outside the windowsill was the gardenia he planted last month. June was about to end, and the gardenia was about to wither.
I fell asleep in a daze at dawn. It was strange that I, who could stay up all night to watch over Li Chishu, fell asleep tonight.
Later I had a dream, and I heard a knock on the door in my dream.
It was the knock on the door that only Li Chishu could make, slowly, knock three times, wait a few seconds, and knock three times again.
I suddenly woke up from my dream, the lights in the living room were still on, I stared at the door, but I didn't hear the knock on the door.
Turning my head, the gardenia fell on the windowsill.
I looked at the gardenia in silence for a long time, and said, Li Chishu, I won't see you off.
