Wake Up Sin

I woke up early this morning with a headache, buti na lang talaga sabado ngayon, wala akong pasok... Urgh ang sakit ng ulo ko!!! Kung pwede lang ipatanggal ede sana noon pa. I stood up from my bed and went straight to the bathroom to do my morning routine, including taking a bath obviously, since it's Saturday, my schedule today is to simply take a rest. I would do anything I wanted, maybe call my boyfriend for a date? But nah... I don't think it would be necessary... "Good morning Elsa..." I greet my roommate who's cooking our breakfast, actually she was my stepsis, not until we knew my dad and his mistress, her mother to be exact was just faking it. Who cares though. "Good morning Van, wait mo nalang malapit nakong mag luto, hinihintay ko nalang yung sinaing" "Yeah.. don't worry I won't be eating rice anyway... Siya nga pala, wag mo kong tawaging Van, Issa nalang or Ness, namiss ko lang kambal ko e..." I lightly snore, brushing my eyes with a yawn. "Ay nako sis, we both know that Van was already gone, Permanently, he won't even come back to us again. Beside even if you meet him, he won't recognize you either." "But still, I'm hoping I would ever be with him again, losing him was like losing my haft me...' "Ay ewan! Ito, kumain ka na! Wag mo'ko madaan-daan dyan sa pa-diet diet mo! Matanda ka na ting-ting ka pa!" "Whatever Elsa... Sya nga pala pag-pumunta dito mamaya si Howard paki-sabi umalis ako, sabihin mo dimo alam kung saan ako nag punta" "Ha? Bakit naman? Ayaw mo na ba sa kanya? Grabe ka sis almost 5 years kayong mag-on tas ngayon magiging cold ka sa kanya?" "Don't make me feel bad sis... You knew I'll fly to New York after I graduate college... Ngayon pa lang pina-paramdam ko na sa kanyang sawa na ako kahit na mahal ko pa sya, beside I know he's secretly cheating with my best friend." Padabog nyang binaba ang pinggan sa lamesa at sinamaan ako ng tingin "At wala kang paki sa kanila kahit ganon na nga?" "What do you expect me to do? Mag iskandalo? I would not, I rather see them kissing each other and silently seek evidence, than to humiliate myself from others, ayaw kong maging loka-loka sa ibang tao, problema namin to, kami kami lang dapat ang involve" "Is this because of your condition—" "Don't! Wag na wag mong babangitin ang bagay na yan sa harap ko! And you won't ever speak about that to others or I'll rip your ass!" I hissed, but she chuckled. "Galit na galit? Nag-aalala lang din kasi ako sayo... Bukod sa namamayat kana nga diet ka pa ng diet tapos ito ka ngayon tinatago mo yang sakit—" "I told you don't! Wala akong sakit!" I hissed, standing up at leaving her alone at our kitchen table. Ang pinaka-ayaw ko sa lahat ay ang babangitin ang tungkol sa sakit ko, I knew it so what? Mamamatay na ba agad ako? I would rather keep it myself than to receive sympathy from others... Wala akong sakit... Wala! It's been a month since my boyfriend and I last met, hindi ako nag-sisisi don. I'm still mad at him for betraying me, sino ba sya para iyakan ko? I mean Yeah I love him... Pero kung ayaw nya saakin ede don't! Hindi naman ako disperada... Well ngayon pa lang planado na ang future ko, after taking education at college, I'll fly to New York for a rest, siguro mga half year? Kunting pahinga lang, tas babalik sa pinas para kumuha ng bar exam, and pag-nakapasa... Mag-teteacher ako, yun naman ang pangarap ng nanay ko para saakin e, ang matupad ang pangarap nya noon sa sarili nya na hindi nya nagampanan, kaya ako ang mag-pupunan. I sighed as I went out of my room, wala na si Elsa sa kusina, walang kalat at malinis ang lahat sa paligid. That's what I like about her, masipag... I was about to go out for a grocery when my phone rang, it's detective Mousufie (Mosafi)... Sounds like a creep? Well it's fine. I've been connected to him since I was in gradeschool to help me find my twin brother and still... He can't find him. He's my only hope to reach my twin... He's my best friend, he never lose hope... So do I. "Hi babe..." I said, teasingly. Cause I remember on gradeschool, he confess his undying love for me. But sadly I turn him down cause I had a crush on his brother, cause way back then I'm thinking it would awkwardly having them both as mine, when his brother doesn't like me at all HAHAHA sad. [Cut it Emeline—I mean Vanessa] even though he's on the other line of the phone, my instinct telling me he's smirking. And o' by the way... Emeline is my current Best fake friend, and she's cheating with my boyfriend. Maybe Mousufie thought I would be irritated when I do not care at all. "Whatever mouse, so how's going? I mean why did you call?" [Nothing special, actually I'd just wanna check up on my not so good friend, and to know if.. by a chance... Have you took your medicine yet?] I sighed rolling my eyes. "Nope, and definitely I would not. Ayaw ko ngang sirain yung atay ko no? Kung ilang beses naman ako iinom ng gamot sa isang araw it's a no-no A-Y-A-W." [Well just reminding, it's for your own good.] "Good mo mukha mo! FYI hindi ko kailangan ng kahit anong gamot na alam kong imbis na makabuti saakin, mas makakasama pa, I'll never sacrifice my lungs just to cure my—" Aba bastos to ah! p*****n ba naman ako ng telepono? Ang kapal ng mukha! Tatawag tawag sya tapos! Urgh! Bahala ka sa buhay mo! I'm now on a counter, paying my stuff at the casher when suddenly, someone grab me from behind, before I could even turn my head on the guy who just grabbed me, forcely. I saw the look on the cashier eyes, nakakabobo. Sa halip na magulat o mag-panic nakangiti pa sya habang kumikislap ang mata na nakatulala sa likod ko. "O the hell are you—Howard? Geeze! What are you doing—" I was cut off when he hugged me. I was stunned, I'm waiting him to say something but he didn't. Few moments pass and we're still in the same position, no words came out of his mouth and just stay stilled. His heart is beating really fast and I can literally feel it. Pinag-titinginan na kami na mga tao kaya ako na ang unang kumalas. Too much humiliation, kailangan ko pang mag-bayad ng pinamili ko. But in my surprise, Howard's credit card is already holding by the cashier. A little bit of confusion when I turn on Howard. He smiled unknowingly, without gazing at me. Hindi ko alam ang tumatakbo sa utak nya and it's really weird, Howard is a man full of words. He never been this cold and stilled. Now I'm starting to think it my fault... "Howard what's going on?" "Call me babe like you used to" he simply said. "Really Howard. Tell me what's going on?" But instead of answering me, he'd just smiled and open his car pleasing me in. He didn't say a word while continuing driving, naninibago ako... Usually kapag mag-kasama kami sa kotse kinikwentohan nya ako ng nangyari sa buong araw nya, kung gaano sya kapagod sa shooting, at photoshop. Kung sino mga kinaiinisan nya sa katrabaho nya, at kung gaano sya kasawang-sawa na makipag-plastikan sa iba. He's an actor, not really a pop superstar but ayus naman... He's famous enough to get millions of fans. But it doesn't affect me, I'm a very supportive girlfriend kahit nong nag-sisimula pa lang sya sa pag-aartista. And honestly speaking I'm not a jealous type of woman and he's free doing all his stuff without me getting angry at him. Ilang beses na rin namin napag-usapan ang mga ganong bagay, kaya it's fine, kung saan sya masaya... Kung saan palagay nya komportable sya, kung saan yung bagay na panatag sya, suporta lang ako kasi may tiwala ako sa kanya. Kung mag c-cheat sya it's a choice, masakit man na ngayon harapan na best friend ko pa tinalo nya, pero ako na ang lumayo, dahil kung sa tingin nya mas the best ang best friend ko, handa akong mag-paubaya... Pero hinding hindi ako mag-hahabol, at hinding hindi ko na sya ibabalik sa buhay ko kailan pa man... I smiled to myself knowing I'm awake, they say every morning is a blessing, and I believe... I look up to my wall clock, it's just 6:15, I rush to my bathroom for a morning routine then dress my self up for church, Sunday, is for God day... I mean everyday is God day, but Sunday is more of a God going to a church day, if you know what I mean. I already wake Elsa, texted my Bestfrien Mouse, and Emeline. My boyfriend Howard and my other peer to remind them to go to church this morning. "Elsa ano ba! Mag-sisimba nga kasi tayo! Anong oras na o? Alas nuebe na! Ano pang aabutan natin don? Pasko!" "Wag mo nga akong pinag-lololoko! 8:00 pa simba, tsaka anong 9:00? Hindi pa nga natunog cellphone ko e! Nag alarm kaya ako ng 6:40!" "Aish bahala ka!" I hissed and leave her alone on her bed, siguro maaga lang talaga ako no? Habang hinihintay ang makupad kong roommate. Nag cellphone lang ako, scroll up and down lang sa social media. Tamang ignore sa mga basher na ayaw sakin dahil patay na patay sila sa boyfriend ko. And speaking of that MotherFather! Hanggang mahatid nya ako sa tinutuloyan ko kahapon, hindi nya ako inimikan at tinulungan lang mag-ayus ng mga pinag-grocery ko na sya ang nag-bayad. Ewan don. "Good morning" a familiar voice stunned me from where I am standing, I slowly turn on that person, cold gaze and dark aura is in his face. "Howard..." I force myself to smile as I walk toward him and kiss his cheek. He didn't say a word, just sit next to me. I'm kinda feel awkwardness but I have to pretend that everything is fine. Siguro may galit ito sakin, sino ba namang boyfriend ang hindi diba? Imagine for a month hindi mo sya kausapin. "Vanessa! Paabot nga ako ng towel! Bilis!!!" It was Elsa from the bathroom. I sighed before standing, ganito sya lagi. Yes masipag at maasikaso, pero makalilimotin. Pag-kaabot ko sa kanya ng towel, tumulo ang luha ko, dito pa lang bumigat yung dib-dib kung kanina ko pa kinikimkim... Alam kong kasalanan ko pero... Hindi ko naman kaya na ganito si Howard sakin... He's jolly happy go lucky kind of a guy... He's not this cold and quiet. Umiyak lang ako ng umiyak sa likod ng cr namin kung saan nag-bibihis si Elsa. And when she walk out of the lady's room I instantly hug her, sobbing over her shoulder. "Anong nangyari..." "N-nothing... B-by the way... Howard is in the dinning area, please do take care of him, I-I'll just took a shower-" "Van ano ka ba! Kanina ka pa naligo! Ano bang problema mo ah? Sinaktan ka ba nya? Ano! Sabihin mo saakin!" She hissed. "N-no... Ako yung nanakit..." I smiled and lock the door. Looking at my reflection... I smiled bitterly. Ito kapalit ng alam kong kabutihan para sa lahat? After a few moments, lumabas na rin ako ng cr na para bang walang nangyari, naghilamos lang ako at ng stay ng kunti para hindi halata ang pag-iyak ko. Sakto naman at oras na, kailangan na naming umalis para sa Misa. When we arrived at the church, there are already lots of people around. I smiled and sighed, as usual... Nakahanap na rin kami ng mauupoan, bandang gitna ng simbahan. "Magandang umaga po sa inyong lahat... Maari na po nating simulan ang misa sa pag-papasalamat sa mga dumalo, ang mga butihing mala-anghel na mga taong tumutulong ng bukal sa loob para sa simbahan..." Sister Anabel started. Ang boses taga-pagpahatla ng simbahang katoliko. "Para sa mga butihin na'ting mga katoliko na hindi nag-sasawang tumulong saatin, maraming salamat kina, Mr. And Mrs. Pablo and family. Mr. And Mrs. Marico and family, Ms Halguda, Mr. And Mrs. Limani, at Mr and Mrs. Salom. At higit sa lahat kay binibining Santiago na walang sawang pag-tulong sa aating simbahan." Siguro si Aira yun... I remember that innocent girl, who used to visit my cafe from time to time, lagi syang may kasamang makisig na lalaki, nakakatakot nga e, pero ang bait nong batang yon. "Girl, diba yun yung highschool student na nerd?" I heard someone from my back whisper. "Hindi naman yun nerd, grabe ka. Ang ganda kaya non... Kaya lang syempre tahimik, pero mabait. Nakausap ko sya one time, kinilabotan ako teh, biruin mo ang pormal nyang mag-salita tas mahinahon" I chuckled, natatakot sila sa batang iyon? Well as far as I know she's the sweetest... Even though how much money she had, ang sabi nya saakin gusto nyang mag-trabaho sa shop ko. Money means nothing to her, siguro dahil marami na sya non. "Sabi nga ng lola ko, 80k a month daw dinodonate non dito sa simbahan e, pero hindi na daw sya nakakadalaw simula nong namatay yung kuya nya..." "80k talaga? Parang ilang dekadang kitaan ko pa yun sa future teh, saan kaya nya kinukuha yung pera nya no..." "Sa kuya nga nya malamang! Ang boplaks naman nito" "Shh wag ka ng maingay, nasa altar na si father" and that's when their conversation ended. The priest speech is about a mother and child love. He said it's implacable and powerful, which I can't relate since my mother never make me feel how loved I am for her. "Tapos na ang misa... Humayo kayo ng mapayapa" when the father announced it, I kissed Elsa and Howard's cheeks, before we went out of the church. Hanggang makauwi kami sa bahay, makapag-pahinga at matapos mag-luto si Elsa, hindi nag-salita si Howard. Basta na lang syang nandito, at hindi ako iniwan. I must be happy for his efforts but I feel... Guilty... "Uhm Howard... Kakain na..." I said calling him from the balcony. But still... He didn't say a word, he's giving me this cold treatment since yesterday, I know it's my fault, but still it hurts. Hindi sya umalis hanggang ngayong mag-gabi na, kakatapos lang namin mag-hapunan pero wala syang imik na humiga sa sofa bed namin. Hindi ko na lang sya kinontra pa. Nag-tungo na lang ako sa kwarto ko para ikuha sya ng kumot at unan, nakakahiya naman na bisita sya pero ito wala akong ginagawa... Pagod sya sa trabaho pero heto... Andito sya saakin. For 5 years, kahit na gaano sya ka-busy sa work hindi sya nag-kukulang saakin. Pero ngayon nakaya kong iwasan sya, dahil lang sa nasasaktan ako. Ang sakit kasi, alam ko sa puso kong hindi nya ako kayang lokohin at iwan, pero nong ako na mismo nakatuklas ng pag-sisinungaling nya saakin, parang madali na lang saakin na iwasan sya... When I walk out of my room, he's already in his deep sleep. I stared at his innocent face and kiss his cheek. A tears fall from my eyes, a tears of pain. Kaya ayaw ko syang makita e, mas nasasaktan ako... When someone send me a video of my boyfriend with my Bestfriend making out on my boyfriend's apartment, broke my heart. I don't think it's edited kasi bago ko paniwalaan yung video pina-cheek ko kaagad sa expert. At kung sino man yung nag-send saakin non. Alam kong ayaw nya ako para kay Howard, at gusto nyang sirain saakin ang boyfriend ko. And that person does success, cause I'm hurt. "I love you..." I whispered in his ears continue crying silently. I could bare the pain alone, but not when he's around. Hanggang sa hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako, narealize ko lang ng maalimpungatan ako ng may naramdaman akong mainit na halik saaking labi. "I have to go..." He huskily said, and was about to stood but I stop him by giving him a hug. "I'm sorry..." I whispered. "I have a meeting later at 6... It's already 3 in the morning Van. Malayo pa ang byahe ko pa-antipolo" he plainly said, obviously avoiding my gaze. Smiled and nodded, my tears betray me again, lumuha nanaman ang mga mata ko ng walang paalam. I instantly wipe them before standing, I was about to went to the bathroom to wash my face when Howard block my way. "Will you come with me?" He asked. I smiled and gently shake my head, cause I have reason. First I still have class, second I don't wanna be with him but will just treat me this way and lastly, I don't wanna see him with my Bestfriend. Assistant manager kasi yung Bestfriend ko ng manager ng boyfriend ko, anong laban ko don? Sila laging mag-kasama while ako andito... Nag-hihintay lang ng pag-bisita nya pag may free time sya. Ilang beses nya akong pinilit mag-artista pero ayaw ko... Hindi ko porte yun. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." He just nodded and left. While I'm here left dumbfounded...