Addiction

18

I grabbed his hand. "Don't, Tyler."

"I need to see." There was so much pain in his eyes. I let go of his hand. He pushed my tank top up to my ribcage. "Fuck." He put his hands over his face. "f**k. Penny, I can't apologize enough. I'm so sorry."

"Tyler, I'm fine. Really, I'm okay." I pushed my tank top back down.

"It really doesn't hurt?"

"Not as much as my head." I tried to laugh. It came out forced.

"Which is also my fault."

"I slipped. It wasn't your fault."

"You slipped because I knocked the wind out of you."

"Tyler." I put my hand on top of his. "Are you okay?"

"You mean my busted up nose? Yeah I'm fine. I kind of deserved it, didn't I? I provoked him enough."

"You both acted stupid. But it was my fault for putting you in that situation."

Tyler shook his head. "I don't regret being with you. Not for a second."

"I don't either."

Tyler sighed. "When you fell I didn't know what to do. I let him take you. I didn't know how to take care of you."

"It's okay."

"I was scared. I was so scared that you wouldn't be okay."

"I'm okay, Tyler."

"He knew exactly what to do. I just stood there like an i***t and watched."

"I wouldn't have known what to do either."

"I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you."

"I've forgiven you. Actually, scratch that, because there's nothing to forgive. It was an accident. You're being too hard on yourself."

"You wouldn't open your eyes. I was yelling your name and you just laid there. Penny so many thoughts went through my head."

"It's over. Please stop, I don't want to hear about it." I let go of his hand and touched my forehead. It was hurting more and more as I sat there.

"I'm sorry." He looked distraught.

"It's just a headache. I'm okay." I took a deep breath. I needed to tell him that I wanted to be with Professor Hunter. But he looked so upset. And he was barely wearing any clothes. I closed my eyes. "I heard you playing your guitar."

"Oh. Yeah."

I opened my eyes. "What was the song? I didn't recognize it. But it was beautiful."

"I wrote it."

"It sounded sad." I wanted to cry. I swallowed hard. This was so painful.

"Does he know you're here? I'm pretty sure he'd come back and break my nose again if he knew you were talking to me." Tyler gave me a small smile. I could tell that smiling hurt his nose.

"He doesn't know."

"Did you walk here? I feel like you shouldn't be walking around by yourself."

"Tyler, I'm fine. I needed to come talk to you."

"I guess you and Professor Hunter had some time to talk then?"

"Time to argue, yes."

"I want you to be happy."

I shifted in my seat. "He told me that he stopped talking to me because he thought he wasn't good for me. It wasn't because he didn't want me. He was being...selfless."

"And you believe him?"

"I'm choosing to. I want to believe him. You were right. I'm still in love with him."

Tyler nodded his head.

"It's hard, because I do have feelings for you."

"I know." He leaned in and placed a soft kiss against my lips. "But you don't love me."

"I do love you. I love who you are as a person. But I'm not in love with you."

He nodded.

"I'm sorry."

"I could tell you weren't over him. If I had agreed to be your boyfriend, would things be different right now?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so."

"Tyler?" A girls voice sounded from upstairs.

"I'll be right there!" he called back. He grabbed my hand. "It's not what you think."

Wow, Brendan was right. Tyler got me and now the chase was over. How could Brendan's awful advice actually be right? Was everything really just about s*x? "So that's why you didn't ask me to come into your room? Of course. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here."

"Penny..."

"And that's really why you didn't want me to take you up on your offer of being my boyfriend? All you ever wanted was sex."

"No. What? No. I mean, yes I wanted to have s*x with you, but I wanted more than that. I just wasn't sure I'd ever get more. I took advantage of the situation. And I'm sorry." He looked over at the stairs. "We didn't do anything. She gave me ice for my nose. We just fell asleep in my room."

"I want you to be happy too."

Tyler smiled his small, pained smile. "Well I've never been happier than I was last night. Before every possible thing went wrong."

"Thank you for trying to protect me."

"Don't put me in a good light for that. I think I did it more for my own ego than for you."

"Still." I bit my lip. "Do you think we can go back to being friends?"

"I..." Tyler shrugged. "It's going to take me some time to stop picturing you on my bed in nothing but green high heels."

"You're not easy to forget either." I looked over at him. "Actually, you're not leaving very much to the imagination right now."

Tyler laughed. "I should probably get back up there."

"Of course." I stood up quickly. I felt a little dizzy. I shook my head to help clear my head.

"Do you need me to walk you back?"

"No. I'm okay. Go back to your lady friend."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "It's Natalie."

I smiled at him. "I hope that you two can be together now. I'm sorry that I interfered so much. I'm going to go." I turned away from him and walked to the door. It hurt a little that he was able to move on so fast. But hadn't I? A selfish part of me was hoping he'd fight for me. Not literally this time. But he didn't seem hurt at all that we'd just become a one night thing. He had known what it would be the whole time. I was the only one who didn't know my feelings.

"Penny?"

I turned around. He walked over to me. He was looking at me intently. "Yes?"

"In case I never get another chance..." he grabbed both sides of my face and kissed me. I kissed him back. I wanted to remember what it was like to be with him too. When he released me, I felt a little lightheaded again.

"Feel better soon," he kissed my forehead.

"You too."

"I'll see you on Monday."