I will never reject you

Punch punch sidekick hook punch punch uppercut front kick knee punch punch punch punch round kick punch punch I am so angry… I just can't stop punch punch… I am just letting it all out on this punching bag...punch kick punch...controlling my anger has been an issue for me lately. My beast within has gone feral. It takes all my energy to contain it. Punch punch uppercut...I can feel the skin on my knuckles burning and breaking… punch punch… I see the blood staining the punching bag… punch front kick punch...I can't stop myself… It's Sunday morning, the only day we have breakfast, just the family in the smaller private dining room usually reserved for when high profile wolves come to visit or do business. We usually take all of our meals with the rest of the pack in the big dining hall. When I arrived, everyone was there, my adoptive father Alpha Dave with Luna Kate, their toddler Matthew, my two brothers Andrew with his mate Sara and Elias with his mate Julia. "Sofia, you are late." Scolded me, Dave. "I am sorry, I was studying till late." I took my seat next to Julia and poured myself coffee. I started eating my eggs when I realized everyone was unusually quiet, I brushed it off and kept eating. I was still sleepy and tired. Dave cleared his throat " As you all know, next Saturday we are hosting the annual mating party…" Oh s**t, I forgot about that. " Sofia, you are going to attend." I nearly choked on my bite of eggs, and my response came out impulsively. " No, no way I am not attending." " I didn't give you an option." " You know I don't want to take a mate… Have I disappointed you so much that you want to get rid of me?" I am starting to boil with anger, my fists are clenched, I am trying to control my feral wolf within. The rest of them watching our exchange, no-one reacts. It's clear whose side they are on. " You haven't disappointed me…" " That is a lie... you were disappointed when I gave up my warrior position." He sigh " You are a great warrior Sofia with more training you could be the best...but I respect your decision. I am not disappointed. I am proud of you... you excelled as a warrior, you are excelling now with your studies and your job at the pack business." " Then why do you want to get rid of me?" I am shaking trying to remain in control. " I don't want to get rid of you. Meeting your mate is a blessing from the moon goddess herself, one that once you welcome it in your life will give you happiness like you have never experienced before, and you deserve to have that happiness." Truth is, I don't want that kind of happiness… I don't deserve it... I am content being here with my family. I don't deserve them either, I've done bad things. Things that would shame my adoptive father and pack. But I am determined to work hard for my pack. " Blessing is for me to be here with my family… not far away with some mate who is a complete stranger, and for all I know might be an a$$hole." " I didn't want to push you six months ago when you turned 18. I wanted to give you time to heal. It's been a year and a half, and even though you seem well on the surface deep down, I know... we all know you are struggling." I looked around, and everyone seemed to agree except Elias. He gave me a guilty look and then looked down to his plate. "This is a setup." I yelled, storming out. I could barely hold it together, so I ran to the gym straight to the punching bag. Punch punch kick knee punch uppercut uppercut. "SOFIA SOFIA " I think I hear my name, I ve reached red, and my head is throbbing. I've lost all control, alI I see is the blood staining the punching bag and my bloody fists. Punch punch I punctured the bag, sand is spilling on the floor. I stop hugging what's left of the punching bag, trying to catch my breath. "Sofia" I hear Kate's soft voice as she is standing behind me. I take deep breaths. Finally, my anger is under control, I didn't hurt anyone, thank goddess. "Sofia" She says again, putting her hand on my shoulder, I flinched. "It's ok, sweetheart, just breathe." Her voice is soothing, and my breathing is back to normal. Kate took me from the arm lightly pulling me, and she guided me to the lockers. I sat on the bench while she took a clean towel, placing it under the tap to wet it. Then she approached me and lowered herself in front of me. She took my hand in hers and started cleaning my wounds. It stung a bit, but I kept my face expressionless. "We love you, Sofia. we don't want to get rid of you." She said while tending to my wounded knuckles. " You are hurting… we don't know how to help you... you are not letting us help you…" I closed my eyes. It's like I am back there all over again… I can smell their fear mixed with their blood. I can hear their screams for mercy. The smoke is choking me… I take a deep breath and open my eyes. " I am fine." I say dryly. "I don't need help or a mate." She sighs, I can tell she wants to push me more. " I've raised you since you were 10 years old, I know you haven't been the same since...the incident...even before that… you can talk to me..." The incident... I scoffed internally, one of my low moments, and my family has given it a name. She was right, though she did know me well. The shame, regret, and fear of the consequences would not let me talk. " There's nothing to tell." " It wasn't your fault. You were attacked. They were going to kill you." Damit, I didn't want to remember this, I could still taste their blood in my mouth. Those two damned rogues had no chance against me. I didn't have to kill them, at least not the way I did. I was on patrol in my wolf form when I left my team to check the perimeter. That is when I came across the two rogues who attacked me without a second warning. That's the first time I completely lost control of myself, of my wolf side... I went feral. I bit a chunk of the first one's throat and spit out. He dropped to the ground and bled out a slow, agonizing death. The second one bit my back, I quickly overcame him by kicking him with my back legs. When he was off me, I started biting and spitting chunks of his chest until there was a hole left. I heard my team howling. I heard them through our link pleading for me to stop. I felt their fear. Finally I was back from my momentary madness. I was ashamed I couldn't face anyone, I ran away hiding in the forest for the next two days until my brothers found me. " Sofia...Sofia.. " Kate's voice drew me out of the horrible memory. " Please." She pleaded with me. I took a deep breath. " I am fine, I promise...I just don't want to leave here, my brothers are here...my family is here. I want my life to be here. I really don't want a mate, maybe if he was from here, but he is not. So please don't force me to attend." " Ok, Sofia, I'll talk to Dave." "Thank you." I gave her a hug. " Your knuckles are already healing. Get cleaned up." I was a mess sweaty full of blood stains. *** The rest of the week, I was on edge. I avoided Dave, which was easy with him being a busy Alpha and me working full time hours by day and studying by night. The day of the mating party was here, I could hear the commotion of the preparations. Even though the pack house is five storeys big with over 100 rooms for pack warriors, guests and whoever needs it. Also gym and spa, a big dining hall, a celebrations hall, reception area, a few meeting rooms, and cells. It would probably be hard for my possible mate to sniff me out, but I can't take a chance. In a couple of hours, the place will be full of unmated wolves, and she wolves from all over the country. Some of them coming from far away will stay here the night. I opened my wardrobe, took two cans of scent masking, and sprayed my room from top to bottom myself, including. I jumped out the window, I am fine, just three storeys up. I didn't want to explain myself to anyone. I decided to head to Cole's place. Cole is a friend from work. He works in the factory side of the business. Neither Dave nor my brothers approve of my friendship with him. They think of him as a bad influence. I mostly go to see him when I am on edge. He always has something to relax me. I can see his house, he lives in a small house at the edge of the forest 10 minutes from the pack house. He is sitting on the porch. " Hey." "Hey Sof." " Care for some company?" "Always." He said, taking a deep puff from his jo1nt. He was sitting comfortably in his chair. He looked at me as I approached him and took it from his hand. I sat down in the comfortable armchair next to him and took a deep puff. " How come you're not at the party?" He inquired lazily "Don't want a mate… you?" " Same as you, maybe one day, but I am not ready yet." He is very handsome, tall with long blond hair, blue eyes, tattoos on both arms. He could easily be a warrior but is not the kind of person to conform and follow strict rules and a clean lifestyle. Also very popular with the females. "Can I stay here tonight, I don't want to take a chance…" " Won't you be in trouble with your pop?" "I am an adult, I make my own choices." I replied, slightly annoyed "Sure." He gave me a smile, we spent another hour on his porch, making jokes about the mating gatherings, then we ordered pizza and watched movies while smoking. We were sitting on the sofa comfortably next to each other when, out of nowhere, he turned and kissed me, I froze in place. He pulled away. " You've never been kissed?" I nodded, feeling shy. "Can I?" He was looking straight into my eyes. We were really close. " Yes." He started kissing me softly, I put my hands around his neck, his hands started exploring my body, kneading my breasts. He broke the kiss with a raspy voice he asked. " Do you want me to carry on?" My heart started racing, I am not taking a mate, so why not… "Yes." I replied with determination, we started kissing again, he pulled me up, taking me into his arms. He took me into his room and laid me on his bed. He took his t-shirt off and climbed on me. He tried to take my top off, I stopped him, and he looked at me curiously. " I want to keep my top on…" Just my top." His eyes travelled to my right shoulder where my tank top was failing to cover from view one of my scars, then he looked into my eyes. " Ok." *** I returned to the pack house late in the afternoon the next day. As soon as I went through the front door into the main reception area, I was met with Dave. Seems that he was waiting for me. "Sofia…" A few curious wolves that were hanging around started paying attention to our full tension exchange. I really don't want to do this now and not in front of these gossips. " Come into my office." He said through our private link. I guess there's no way out. I followed him quietly down the long corridor into his office. " So where have you been?" "I am an adult, I shouldn't have to explain myself or ask for permission." I replied defiantly. My response seemed to anger him. " You live under my roof." " Many live under your roof, but I don't see you interrogating them for their whereabouts?" " You are not just anyone! You are my adoptive daughter…your choices of friends worries me." It was obvious he knew where I was. " Cole is a good person, and I am not a mindless child that can't distinguish right from wrong. No one can make me do anything I don't want to do." I started shaking. My anger started building up. I clenched my fists and took a few deep breaths. " Sofia, I only want what's best for you! Finding your mate will help you control your beast…" " No… I don't want to depend on someone else to control my beast… I am learning to do it myself." " Is this the reason you want me to leave one less problem to deal with?" " Stop attacking me like that Sofia, you know that it's not true." " Then please trust me! Trust my choices! I am a good student, I work hard, I belong here with my family." I gave him a big hug. "Ok, Sofia, I am not going to insist on finding your mate, but I want you to keep an open mind in the future." " Ok." "...and I want you to start training again...don't give up on your potential." " Ok, but I am not a warrior anymore." "Fine.. but you will start training the pups in self-defense twice a week." " It's a deal."