Faithfully Yours

Is this what I really want? Masaya ba ako sa gagawin ko?. Siguro oo masaya ako, pero sya ba masaya? Malamang ang sagot hindi. Tinititigan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin isang napakagandang babaeng naka suot pang kasal. With my hair expertly maid it to a tight bun, simple Make up that would just enhance the beauty I already have. And the dress that cost a fortune. Pinagawa pa ito sa Paris para lang sa okasyong ito. My wedding gown. Yes. This day is my wedding day. I should look happy but here i am gusto nang mag back out. hindi ako lubos na masaya. Pano ako sasaya kung ang taong mag papakasal sakin ay napipilitan lang?. Pikit matang Napabuntung hininga ako. Iniisip kung pano ititigil ang kasalang ito. Ayoko ng ganito hindi ko sya dapat pinipilit sa bagay na alam kong hindi sya masaya. Maybe its time for me to give up. He's the one for me but I am not the one for him. "Tammy come on the car is already here, they are all waiting for the bride" "Mom" Hawak ang seradura ay tuluyan na syang pumasok sa aking silid. Pinunasan nya ang bandang pisngi ko "Hey sweetie, What's wrong? Why are crying?. Hindi Ko napansin na umiiyak na pala ulit ako. "Let me guess? Its a tears of joy right?" humalakhak pa ito at niyakap ako. "Ohhh Tammy you are no longer my baby. Look at you now so pretty and old enough to marry". "Mom theres something i have to tell you-" "Its okay sweetie, I know you'll be happy with Vince, after all he's your one great love. I know that he's gonna take care of you. So Don't worry okay everything's gonna be alright". She kissed me in my forehead and smile to me warmly. Nawala na sa isip ko ang dapat na sana ay pagtutol dahil hinila na nya ako pasakay ng bridal car. Is this what they called cold feet? Because literally Hindi lang paa ko ang nanlalamig kundi ang buo kong katawan. Halo halong emosyon ang nararamdaman ko. as they open the church door. They are all looking at me, the bride, with an appreciation in their eyes. I walked in the aisle slowly with my parents behind me, cameras flashing everywhere. They also have a press for the magazine and news paper. Naririnig ko ang ibat ibang papuri na nagmumula sa mga bisitang naroroon. Kung gano ako kaganda kung gano ka ganda at ka perpekto ang nangyayaring kasalan. But here i am nakayuko lang and thinking of how I'm going to stop this wedding. And Damn it I cant even smile in my own damn wedding. When I already made up my decision I stop walking, Maybe I could be a run away bride. kung hindi nya kayang tanggihan ang mga magulang nya maybe i can, even if it means that I have to accept that I lost the chance of having him in this lifetime. Kahit sa isipin palang ito ay para na akong pinapatay sa sakit. How can cupid be this sadist. He will give you and experience the love this intense yet hindi nya hahayaang maging masaya ka sa piling ng taong gusto mo. The pain, its killing me inside. Kahit Sana sa papel matawag ko syang akin kasi alam ko naman na ang puso nya ay hindi ko kayang angkinin. Hindi sapat ang ako lang ang masaya. Mas mahal ko sya kesa sa sarili ko kaya hindi ayokong mahirapan sya sa piling ko at magdusa ng habang buhay. Handa na akong pumihit patalikod ng kinuha ni Dad ang kamay ko na nakahawak sa bouquet. At iabot ito sa lalaking papakasalan ko. " Take care of her Vince like we did. Cherish her and please love her just like how we loved her, she's our princess but now she's going to be your queen. I don't Want her to get hurt." "Dad." Mahina kong bulong. Ang kaninang masakit na puso ko ay parang nawawasak sa nasasaksihan ko. Alam ni Dad kung anong nangyayari. I am more of a fathers girl. He knows everything on what's happening to me. " Be careful princess, I love you so much that I can give you anything that can make you happy." Tumulo na ng tuluyan ang kanina pang Pinipigilan nyang luha. Oh My father's crying because of me. I love him so much but I made him cry because of my selfishness. i can't watch him hurting just because of me. "D-dad n-no-" I was about to say that I'm not going to continue this wedding. " Of course Mr. Ong, you can count on me. I will take care of Tamara." Maang akong napatingin sa aking groom. He said that habang matiim na nakatingin sa akin. As if he's reading all of my facial reaction. Wearing his white tuxedo, Hair that slightly disheveled, he looks like he really don't want to attend this wedding. His wedding. My heart ache with the thought of that at the same time im glad that he made it. Letse nababaliw na nga tlga ako. "You should start calling me Dad right now son, ikakasal na kayo ng anak ko ganyan pa din tawag mo sakin" nakangiting saad ni Daddy. "Yes Dad" vince said eyes on me with smirk plastered on his face. kinuha nya ang kamay ko kay Dad at mahigpit itong hinawakan. "Wag mo ng subukan pang umatras sa kasalan na to at ipahiya ako Tamara Czanelle, ginusto mo to kaya panindigan mo" madiin nyang banta sakin. Nasasaktan ako sa higpit ng hawak nya sa pulsuhan ko. Alam nya pala ang balak ko. Well he can always read me like he always do. kung sana lang pwedeng ibalik ang nakaraan. Kung saan masaya pa ang lahat, na problema lang ay kung pano tatakas at mag lalaro. He used to be my bestfriend, my other half, partners in crime. But now he seems so distant at palaging nakabulyaw. Hindi ko din naman sya masisisi. Ako ang may kasalanan ng lahat, kung hindi dahil sa pag kabaliw ko saknya. kung hindi lang sana ako naging selfish kung sana hinayaan ko na sya maging masaya na kasama ang iba. Hindi ko lang kinaya ang sakit at selos Coz when i saw him taking care of other girl maliban sakin, ngumingiti dahil sa ibang babae. nagpapaka effort para iba. Nasaktan ako at natakot na din. Ayoko ng may ibang nag papasaya sa kanya maliban sakin. I only want him for my self and only for my self. " Will you Tamara Czannelle Ong take Laxus Vincent De vera as your lawfully wedded husband for rich and for poorer for sickness and for health?" Nagising nalang ako saking malalim na pag iisip ng nag tatanong na ang pari. Pinisil din ni Vince ang pulso ko at matiim akong tiningnan na parang nag babanta. "y-yes father" "i announced you man and wife, you may now kiss the bride" Kinabahan ako bigla, baka mapahiya lang ako at hindi ako hahalikan ni Vince alam kong galit at nandidiri sya sakin, ang pag hawak sa pulso ko ay alam kong mahirap din para sa kanya. He even said that he will never ever gonna touch me again dahil nandidiri sya sakin. I was shocked when suddenly he went below and have a peck on my lips. Naghiyawan ang mga tao because of the sudden movement coming from him. awang ang labi ko syang tiningnan. hes smiling habang tinatanggap ang pagbati ng marami samin. tiningnan nya ko "close your mouth wife if you dont want it to get swollen" sabay balik ang pansin sa mga bisita. w-what had just happen? anong nangyare? at anong ibig nyang sabihin?