Heart Of Shine And Shadow

DONALD. “Wake up!” I heard a voice, so cold that it took me a moment to actually realise it was Phillison’s. It sounded nothing like her, but I knew it was her even before I pried my eyes open to the sunlit room. “You need to leave,” she threw my trousers at me, and I noticed she already had her clothes back on. I sat up, dazed and confused at her behavior. “Everything okay?” “I want you to leave, Donald.” She called me Donald. Not Donny. Not good. Totally not good. I sat up, pulled on my trousers before standing up. I walked up to her, and tried to pull her into a hug but she moved away. “Don't you touch me! I told you to leave!” “Sweetie…” “This isn't going to work, Donald. You and I cannot work. We can't be mates. It can't happen.” Something dropped at the pit of my stomach. “Excuse me?” “You don't get it,” she pulled at her hair. “I am not good enough for you. I have tried to ignore everything and just accept you as you are but I just can't. We aren't a fit.” This couldn't be happening. We had a great time together last night. I had thought it was perfect, even if she didn't let me mark her, claiming she wasn't ready yet. It was one of the best night of my life. I had thought we were a match, two souls bonded in one. I had thought everything was finally falling into place for me. Little did I know… “But why?” I asked, glad that I didn't let my voice betray what I felt on the inside. “We had a perfect night. You wanted this. You wanted me…” “I didn't!” She screamed, throwing her hands around. “I didn't enjoy it, I freaking faked it! And I am sorry you are too dumb to notice that. You aren't man enough for me, Donald. I deserve better. I deserve more than you. I deserve more than half a man.” I pulled at my hair, growing panicky with each passing second. It wasn't helping that Miko was about to lose his s**t as well. “I… I don't understand…” “Don't try to understand. Don't do it. Is it so hard to understand that I do not want you?!” She screamed again, pushing me at the chest. “Leave, Donald. And I want you gone forever!” My body was shaking. I suddenly felt sick, and I could feel the anxiety closing in. The helplessness. I told her everything. I bared my very soul before her. She listened without interrupting as I shared my darkest secrets with her. She accepted me. She wanted me. And now this? This was why she didn't want me to mark her when we mated last night. This was why she felt distant. Why Miko couldn't feel her wolf. This was why. I knew something was off. I knew something had happened when I felt a bit of resistance last night through the bond as we mated. But I brushed it all off because it felt so good. We were so good together. I didn't understand what was happening then, or why it was happening. But now I realised it wasn't just in my head. It was real! Miko was panting, tethering upon the thin thread of sanity and insanity. This was worse than ANYTHING we have ever endured. Ever! “And this is why I am going to end this shitty bond between us.” My guts twisted, my heart shattering into tiny pieces. Pieces that could never be mended. Ever. “Phillison…” But she wasn't listening as she looked me dead in the eyes, her own eyes wild and cold, lacking whatever touch of emotion I had seen in there last night. “I, Garba Phillison Namade, reject you, Lukari Donald Dakarai, as my mate and partner. May our bond be severed forever.” It took me a moment to register what she had said, for the pain to finally hit. For the wheels in my head to start turning. Yet I couldn't move. Couldn't blink. Couldn't bring myself to say anything as she threw my shirt, my shoes, and socks at me. “I don't want to ever see you again,” then she walked into the bathroom, but before closing the door, she turned over her shoulder and spoke again. “And in case you didn't notice, you weren't even my first,” then she closed the door with a bang. The sound seemed to give me the push I needed, as I slowly slumped to the floor, my head pounding. I couldn’t remember how I got it done, but I found myself outside her apartment, the sun starting to come out, with my shirt worn inside out. I wasn't her first. She had someone else. She never truly wanted me. Neither Miko nor I had said anything to each other. All I felt, all that was inside me was a pain I couldn't describe, and it was slowly eating at me. It yanked at my very being, making it extremely hard to breathe properly no matter how hard I tried. It felt like someone had lit a fire in my chest, making it burn. I slumped outside the door, leaning my head against the door and just… waited. As though that would make her pull the door open and tell me that she was kidding. That this wasn't real. But if the pain I felt was any indication of this being real, then I had my answer. It was absolutely real, and it was my fault for actually believing anything could ever work in my life. I mean, I knew right from the start what I amounted to. I just didn't have the balls to accept that. What did I do instead? Tell myself lies upon lies. I believed that I was capable of being loved. Of being wanted. But I knew, as much as anyone who had ever tried to want me more than the damaged person I was, that I was a worthless piece of s**t. And I would always be. I'd always known that, too, but my feeble mind kept telling me it was okay to hope. It was okay to try. That maybe, just maybe, I could do something right for once in my life. That it was okay to hope. To imagine myself actually living a life with Phillison. Pathetic bastard! ‘It hurts,’ Miko finally spoke, and it was like that was the signal I was waiting for, as my chest caved in, raw pain eating at my insides, sucking in all the remaining life juice I have left. It hurt. It hurt more than anything I had ever felt, and I had certainly felt my own share of pain over my twenty eight years of life. I was drowning, I knew it, and I doubted anything could pull me out of this pit of hell. ‘I guess we were never destined for anything good,’ Miko said again, his voice losing its toughness with each passing second, and I didn't know what to say. Then suddenly, I heard a groan. And it wasn't Miko’s. There was also something that sounded like someone was stretching, like an extension of my mind being pulled elsewhere, but it wasn't Miko. So what the hell was that? ‘Ahhh! Man, wheww… now, that hurts, but I can’t be mad, it was exactly what I needed. s**t! This place feels crowded with this oversized smelly dog in here,’ a voice suddenly said, and I pushed from the door, my brows furrowed in confusion, as Miko growled loudly. ‘Aww, s**t! Did I say that out loud? Now you all know I am here so there's that,’ then the voice started materializing into a man with horns. ‘Oh, what's up, bro. Remember me? I am Dawood. See how you and I are a match already? Dawood and Donald do have a ring to it, don't you think? Oh, before I get carried away, I am that Jinn you agreed to have in your body ten years ago? Remember me now? Yeah, that's me.’ Then he stretched again. ‘Now, what do you say, I help you ruin that b***h for hurting your ass? You in or you in?’ What? What in the flipping hell was going on right now?