I See You

Memories

The rain beat against Amelia's window violently as she stared into oblivion once again. It was 10:30 pm and she was placid. The nurses and doctors were quite perturbed, she hadn't had an episode today. No unusual screaming, banging on the door crying for help, not even a restraint when it was time for her to take her drugs.

What's going on in that head of hers?

The physicians asked themselves from time to time.

What made Amelia so special? Her condition seemed to get worse and worse by the minute but on some days, she'd click, a little memory would slip right into her brain. Sometimes, the workers were convinced she was getting better but schizophrenics have a way of turning their memories into nightmares and when that happened, they couldn't differentiate reality from fantasy.

Dr.Anderson, he took Amelia's condition the hardest. With him being her fiancé of course he would. When Amelia was admitted to the Institution, Dean couldn't bear the thought of having to live without seeing her. He still wanted to take care of her even though she had no memory of him. He was no doctor and the facility shouldn't have hired him but when you see a grown man like him, with everything that had happened, how could one say no?

The owner of the Institution agreed for him to work, only administering drugs to Amelia because that was all he wanted

To be around her

From the corner of her eye, she spotted something shiny behind her bed, intrigued, she got up and walked to it.

It was a blade

A blade? She thought to herself.

She sat on her bed and studied the silver sharp object. Just like in the fairytales, she raised her finger to the tip of the blade and touched it. The action caused blood to trickle from the tip of her finger to the end of her hand. The way it flowed filled her with such curiosity, so much that her brain didn't even register the slight sting the blade caused. Amelia had never seen blood, at least not hers.

Whenever her blood was taken to be tested, she always buried her face in her arm because she feared what the sight of blood might do to her.

But now, now she wanted nothing more than to see more of this blood. She stared back at the blade and smiled

Maybe you can be my friend. She said to it.

With the blade in her right hand, she lifted it up and slit the flesh on her left forearm, and gasped when the blade made contact with her skin.

She felt giddy

She slit her forearm again, and again and again, twice more before slight pain began to seep into her body and she dropped the blade beside her on the bed and stared down at her arm.

Art, that's what she told herself it was. Art, beautiful decorations that will remain on her skin forever. It was dark but she was sure her hand looked beautiful with all that blood trickling down. She didn't care that her white garments were soiled.

She brought her hand to her mouth and began licking up the blood that had spilled from her arm and she moaned.

Yes, she moaned out of pure satisfaction. It was at that time she knew she'd love the taste of blood forever.

The clock struck 11:00

It was time for her drugs. She hadn't drawn today, she didn't feel the need to, the monsters were at bay

Probably on holiday she thought, it was Sunday after all

Amelia lay on her back and stared at the ceiling. She wanted to feel, feel something aside from the pain from her arm. She wanted to feel happiness. She felt it when she shared a moment with Dean in the garden but even that memory was beginning to fade away slowly, she didn't know why but she held on to this particular memory, not wanting to let it go.

Dean intrigued her, out of all the doctors and nurses that had treated her, he stayed on her mind for reasons unknown to her.

She had dreamt of him many times, she wasn't going to deny that. In the dreams, they were together, happy. They did everything together.

Another patient told her that if you dream about a person more than once, they're probably thinking about you.

She thought she was mad, after all, they were all mad there.

Now though, Amelia couldn't help but wonder if what the woman said was true. Was it remotely possible that Dean was thinking about her? Even if he was, why? She was just another patient who freaked out at the sight of everyone and everything.

Her brain started to hurt.

That's enough thinking for today

She heard her door open and she sat up

Finally the nurses were here.

But it wasn't the nurse, it was a boy, a baby boy

Not more than 2 years old.

What was a baby doing in a mental institution. She tilted her head to the left and the baby mimicked her. He walked to the foot of her bed, arms folded on the metal bed frame and he gave her a cheshire cat grin.

Amelia's heart rate increased drastically but she didn't move

She didn't know much about babies but one thing she knew was that they weren't meant to smile like that.

"Mummy" His voice was alarming too, his voice was strained like he was being choked.

"I-I am not your mother " Amelia responded whilst trying as much as she could to hide the fear that had crept into her voice.

The boy pouted and walked to her, causing Amelia to shift to the back of her bed.

"Go away!" She screamed and looked around her room.

Where were those goddamn nurses when you needed them? She closed her eyes and tried whispering that what she was seeing wasn't real but when she opened her eyes again, he was still there, this time, he looked like a baby, a cute baby but he had tears in his eyes.

"W-what's wrong?" She asked the little thing he looked up at her and held his wrist out for her to see. He had slit marks on them, like the ones she made on her forearm earlier.

"Who did that to you?" Amelia asked and the boy looked back and pointed at a wall, when she looked there, she didn't see anyone.

Confused, she looked back to the boy, but when she did he had a knife in his chest and she slapped her hand over her mouth to refrain herself from screaming. The little boys' sobs got louder by the second and Amelia didn't know whether to comfort the baby or run away.

"Mummy you have to come with me. He did this to me" He said in between sobs

"Who is he?" She asked but the boy only walked closer to her and she was too petrified to move so she stayed still. When he was a mere inch from her, he lifted his hand and brought it to her forehead

"See" was the last thing Amelia heard before she felt her eyes roll to the back of her head

Blinding lights occupied her sight and she found herself in a hospital room. Amelia was standing by the door were in a bed lay, Amelia?

She was confused and watched as the event played out. Tears streamed down her face as she familiarized herself with the memory

This was the moment, the moment it all began and ended for her.

She watched as a man walked into the room, completely ignoring her presence, and walked to a crib where a baby lay. Amelia watched as the man picked up the baby and turned to Amelia that was laying on the bed.

Amelia watched as her past self began to shake violently on the bed and she rushed to the bed to get a better look at the man and she almost felt her heart stop

Holding her baby with a sinister look on his face and dagger in hand was Dean. She ran to him and tried to pry the baby out of his hands but she went right through him. Amelia felt so helpless and started panicking

Why would he do this?!

She screamed and kicked and begged just like her past self did on the bed but just like in that time, no one was listening.

For the second time in her life, Amelia watched as the love of her life drove the dagger right through her baby's heart and as if rehearsed, she and her past self went numb at the same time and the world became black and Amelia was back in the four walls that were the mental institution

Tears still formed in her eyes when she felt a small hand on her thigh

She looked up and saw her baby, with the blade in his hand and he handed it to her

"Come with me." He said in a soft voice "Come with me mummy, we can be happy together, forever"

Happy

That was what she wanted, more than anything at the moment

Especially now, knowing that Dean was the one who killed her baby

How could he? After being so loving when they were at the Garden together the other day. What would his girlfriend think if she found out that he was a baby murderer.

And just like that, Amelia fell into despair, she wanted to die because she couldn't fully understand what was going on, because she didn't see the point of living anymore, because- well because why not

I already fall into the abyss from time to time, forever shouldn't be so bad. She said to herself

So, she took the blade from the little boys hands and brought it to her wrists. She looked back at the boy and he simply nodded at her as if to tell her she was doing the right thing.

She took in a deep breath and held it

It'll probably feel like I'm going to sleep she said in her mind trying to comfort herself

"Amelia! Time for your drugs" This clearly wasn't a saved by the bell moment as Amelia gasped and turned to the nurse that had just interrupted her suicide attempt

The nurse saw the blade in her hand and dropped the tray, rushing to the girl but Amelia hid the blade behind her.

"Where did you get that?!" The worry in the nurses voice was unmistakable and her eyes were like saucers "Give it here Amelia" She said sternly

Amelia had plans of her own so she shook her head and held onto the blade tightly

"Don't you understand? I have to do it" She said and the nurse softened he features

"No Amelia, you don't. You don't have to do this so please give me the blade and I promise you will be fine" Amelia looked away from the nurse

"Promises are empty" She whispered into thin air.

Amelia looked back to the nurse and the nurses eyes were pleading with her

As much as Amelia wanted to leave this forsaken land, she didn't want the nurse to go to bed with nightmares

That would be selfish.

She watched as the nurse averted her eyes to the door but before Amelia could look back to see what distracted her, the nurse held her hand. Amelia opened her palm and placed the bloody blade in the nurses hand but before the nurse could grasp it, Amelia slit the woman's flesh causing her to withdraw her hand and hiss in pain.

Amelia stood up from her bed and bolted to the door but was met with two male nurses who grabbed her immediately and hoisted her from the ground as Amelia kicked and screamed. They strapped her to a stretcher and took the blade from her hand. Amelia continued to thrash around but the restraints held her in place as she was being wheeled down the hall.

Dr. Anderson just happened to be leaving the sick ward when he saw the love of his life being wheeled down to what seemed to be the ECT room.

He chased after the men and told them to stop

"Where are you taking her?!!" The men didn't answer and Dean punched the wall beside one of the men's heads causing him to flinch

"The patient was caught attempting suicide," One of them said and looked down

Dean couldn't believe what he heard, he didn't believe what he heard.

Amelia would never try to commit suicide. He rushed to her side but when he made eye contact with her, her screams got louder

"Get him away from me! Get him away from me!" She repeatedly screamed and both male nurses stared at Dean with confusing looks while Dean's heart broke

"He killed my baby! Get him away from me!" She screamed again and Dean understood, she remembered the hospital. The messed-up part of it.

He tried to touch her, to calm her down but her screams only got louder and her tears flowed faster.

The scenery broke Dean, tears slipped from his eyes and it was the first time any worker had seen him like that.

He couldn't take it. This was the last straw

He had really lost her, if he continued to have faith in her, he might as well run mad too.

Dr. Milbrough joined the scene, he knew the situation between the patient and the doctor so when he saw Dean with tears in his eyes, his heart clenched for the man.

"Dean, we have to take her in" He said. Dean cleared his throat and wiped his tears away

"If she goes through this procedure, you know she would most likely gain more memory loss" Deans voice still cracked but Dr. Milbrough just looked to the girl

"A loss of memory if better than the loss of a life." He looked back to Dean

"I've already lost her" Dean said and Dr. Milbrough gave him a sorrowful look

The two could pass for best friends with the number of things they had shared with each other.

"Don't be like that Dean. You need to be strong. For her" He said and annoyance overcame Dean

"I'm only human Castiel !" He shouted before his voice softened "I'm only human, I don't want to give up Cas, I love her. You know I do but it's been two years, two years and she can't even remember me. I can't help but want to give up" Dean's shoulders slumped and the doctor walked up to him

"She's running away Dean, instead of facing it, she's running" Dean looked away from his friend and took off his coat

"Yeah, well she's running in circles and you know something Doc?" He asked

"What?"

"There's only so many rounds I can go chasing her before I get dizzy and fall too" Castiel looked away from his friend and signaled to the nurses to take Amelia to the room.

Once he left, Dean turned around and walked to the ECT room, sitting outside the door as he brought out a cigarette pack and lit one.

He could already envision her being strapped to the chair, electrodes placed on her scalp and anesthesia coursing through her veins.

He heard Castiel count down

"Patient is sedated. On my count...1.....2.....3"

Dean heard the electric machine go off and the buzzing sound it created caused little shocks to go through his body as well as he took another drag telling himself what he has been for the past 2 years

Breathe

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Okay! So for those of you that are not familiar with the term ECT, it is a procedure, done under general anesthesia, in which small electric currents are passed through the brain, intentionally triggering a brief seizure. ECT seems to cause changes in brain chemistry that can quickly reverse symptoms of certain mental health conditions.

In Amelia's condition, to treat her schizophrenia that led to her depression and suicidal attempt.

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I hope you loved this chapter!

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Love,

Ada