INTO THAT DEEP SOUL

So, here's the thing. I've known him since four years ago. Only 2 months left before the wedding. I was give up before it planned. Thinking he might just playing or joke around. I was nervous now. Do I have more patience if he never says "will you marry me?" long time ago? I think I already give up. In my mind, it will never happen. It seems impossible. He's the one who keep reminding me and supporting me to be strong and believe in us. Our relationship. One day, about a few weeks ago, he told me he already bought tickets. Going here and get back there to United States. It will be in July. I don't know how do I feel by that time. Happier than anything but also, afraid. Afraid if we can't afford the wedding. Afraid he will run away when he see me for real. Afraid if he can't accept me after he meet me eye to eye. All the mix feeling. Thanks God, I managed to find a rent house around this place. Thanks to Phoebe, I can lived here now. She's the one who told me about this place before she goes to another State for work. So, if he come here soon, we got place to stay. It's not a good place but better than any other rent house around this place. Actually, a shoplot rent house. I already told him about this place. So, I told him don't expect to much. It's easy to be honest with him. Comfy to talk with. I don't know if it's just my feeling or nature. Because I was never talking to anyone especially man before. But with him, it all become natural. I can't deny sometimes it's so hard to translate things and I had to search on google for some words, but he managed to understand me like water flowing in the river. I'm so nervous now and serves me right. "Will you marry me? ", he was asking me that question since 2 years ago. Or maybe around 3 years ago. I reply him with confused because it's only after a few months knowing him. But I would never deny that I was happy too. I said I do. Because he was the one who be with me without any complain when I'm in trouble. He's the reason why I'm still alive today. When no one around me, he's talking to my soul. Can't deny he's healing me even sometimes I'm the one who have a bad temper. He's better than me. That one day I was crying thinking, "He's the one. He's my Mr. Right. " Our challenges is only timezone, different place and money. Without money, we can't meet each other. We can't go to each other's place and through the timezone's issues. But whatever it is, we made a promised to keep believing each other and believe we can make it. Meet, and married. Have family together and through that hardtime together and keep trying. He make me believe in those fairytale even I'm still in guard. Honestly, I can't believe we make it this far. He took time to put me in this situation, until I get used to him. 4 years is not a game to be with somebody. Still, I asked him, "Are you serious about this? Are you so serious about marriage?" Everytime I asked, his answer still ferm. Still the same answer. Even his dad can't make him give up. I was so lucky I found this kind of guy. But yeah, that's what I think. Who might knows. Anyways, he's so nice. I can't even tell how nice he is. I never find anyone like him before. Also, very attractive.