I Was in an Abusive FICTOSEXUAL Relationship

That Ole’ Battle Axe

Bed warmer, Bank teller, Baby maker, b***h. A Beauty, with a big ole' BOOTY!

When an angry woman called in and asked, “What do men think women exist for?” Dinero and Luchini responded with the ever mature: “Bed warmer, bank teller, baby maker, b***h. A beauty, with a big ole' BOOTY!” Then exploded into laughter as they hung up on the woman and high-fived each other, having destroyed another “feminist.”

Mia sat at the table and played with the tab on her Coke.

“You forgot one ‘B’ She muttered, still not making any eye contact with the “men” she was surrounded by.

“What’s that?” Dinero asked with a smirk.

“You forgot that Ole BATTLE AXE!” Mia growled as she slammed her fist into the wooden table, making it vibrate under her anger and power.

Dinero was too wound up to back down now. He started swinging his head around like a wrestler gearing up for a match.

“Well, BRING IT ON THEN, Lil’ Mama!”

And this is how Mia, an online relationship blogger and social media influencer, got her nickname. “That OLE’ BATTLE AXE!”

“The old Battle Axe” is what some men call their wives when they complain about them. This ‘slur’ always confused Mia, though. A Battle Axe was a terrifying and powerful weapon. It was an axe with spikes on the head, making it even more deadly and horrific. The only men who could handle it had to be incredibly powerful. It was also a very heavy weapon. A man had to be very strong to wield that kind of power.

Clearly, weak men like Dinero, Luchini, or Patrick Scar couldn’t handle a woman like her. Thus, the BATTLE AXE was the perfect moniker for her.

This would be her second time on their podcast show. She crushed their egos the first time and was here to defend her crown.

Dinero and Luchini spent the entire 2 years since their last battle trashing her online, calling her an angry feminist who hated men.

She wasn’t worried. She was ready for the gender war.

But the boys would fight dirty.

Dinero continued his argument. “You mad we hung up on that last caller? Huh? She’s a man-hating feminist like you talking about women should divorce a man just because he cheats!”

His dim-witted sidekick, Luchini Charles, had to come back him up. “Yeah! Aren’t you women supposed to be empathetic? Where’s all that Empathy? Men cheat. We can’t help it! It’s in our DNA!”

Mia probably could have ended Luchini’s entire career by just asking him to spell “DNA” and waiting the 10 minutes it would take him to figure it out. But she decided to push forward with her argument.

“I’ll tell you when and where I use my empathy,” Mia responded. “And my empathy stops when you try to reduce women to ‘bed warmers’ and ‘baby makers’.”

“Oh, come on,” Patrick sighed. “Now you’re taking things too seriously. It’s just a joke! And cheating is not that big a deal for men. We don’t even care about the women we cheat with.”

Luchini nodded and added, “I hate all the women I sleep with. But I’m not married, so it’s not cheating.”

Patrick shrugged, and his eyes bore into Mia's, looking at her like she was an insect. “You women get too emotional. That’s the problem. You take everything personal.”

We take personal matters, like being betrayed by someone we loved, personally? How dare we! Mia thought as she leaned in.

“So let me get this straight. You cheat because you lack empathy. You sleep with women you hate. And you think that’s a strength? That's actually sociopathic behavior.”

Patrick chuckled. “See? This is why men don’t open up. Now all men are sociopaths? See how you twist everything!”

Mia smiled. “I’m not twisting anything. I’m just repeating what you said minus the bullshit.”

She continued. “I’m not married. Because I understand what marriage means, it’s not just vows—it’s fusion. What you do, I do. What you feel, I feel. So if you cheat, you’re not just betraying me. You’re dragging me into the betrayal. You make women feel like they betrayed themselves by loving someone who would do that to them!”

“Here we go with all the EMOTIONS again!” Dinero shouted. “Now it’s men’s fault women feel betrayed? It’s an Optical Illusion of emotions over here!”

Luchini and Patrick chuckled at that. “Optical Illusion of Emotions” was about to go on a T-shirt. Mia could bank on it.

“Well, there’s always the more ‘logical’ option,” Mia began. “You men like ‘logic,’ right? The logical option would be for a wife to either divorce a cheating husband or bring another man into her bed while her husband goes and spends time with his mistress. So how come you guys never mention these ‘options’?

Patrick gladly answered. “Because that will piss a man off. That’s why! He won’t look at you the same if you sleep with another man. You’ll be used and damaged goods to him!"

Mia didn’t flinch. She’d been on enough podcasts to know the drill. They wanted her to c***k. To cry. To conform.

Instead, she gave them clarity.

“Well, that all sounds like EMOTIONS. Now you males are getting emotional. Why are you taking it so personally, Patrick?”

Patrick stayed silent as he continued staring at Mia with pure hate and malice that almost made Mia laugh out loud in his face.

"This one's gone, Dinero. Feminism has rotted her brain," Luchini muttered.

“Don’t worry about her,” Dinero said with a smirk that could curdle milk. "I got a little present for her. We're gonna see if this feminist is really as hardcore as she's acting.”

“We got a caller on the line,” he announced. “We got your baby daddy on the phone, Mia!”

Mia blinked. What?