Love to Love

The Guilt

Nadia laid on Ryan's chest and explained the Book of Shadows, her intrigue, her curiosity, her desire to have magic. It was a complicated yet simple explanation.

"So you just wanted to be a witch?" Ryan said with a tone of confusion.

"I know, that's not a great answer but it's the truth. I lived in a community with so many supernatural beings and I felt jealous. Cheated out of the selection for greatness. Obviously I didn't know I was a wolf. My parents did an amazing job at hiding that. I never once felt my instincts…"

"But you could smell me at our wedding? You could sense I was a wolf. Didn't that strike you as odd?" Ryan protested.

"No Ryan, it didn't. I've had magic for years. I've learned some wolf traits and apply them with magic. The sense of smell, the sense of feeling supernatural strength. But it's a very confined sort of magic. I also use human knowledge. Sense. Education. It's all intertwined." Nadia felt the need to justify herself.

"Still babe, I think those were your instincts and you thought it was your magic." He said.

"You could very well be right. I need to speak to Blair, my high priestess. She invited me to join her coven and gave me my magic." Nadia said with a hint of defeat.

"And she doesn't know you're a wolf? Bullshit." Ryan's tone took Nadia by surprise.

"Hey. That was mean. I don't need to defend myself to you. If you've forgotten what this whole thing is then that's on you." Nadia sat up and moved away.

"No, babe, I'm sorry. You're right, I'm an ass. What do you mean, this whole thing is?"

"It's an arrangement." Nadia said swiftly.

"Babe. This is what I was getting at. This wasn't an arrangement. At least not in the way you believe. We are fated werewolf mates. The Moon Goddess arranged this. Not our parents. Not any council. No elders. Our highest power chose this."

For the first time Nadia felt a sense of stupidity. He was right. She didn't know s**t about s**t. Not really. Tears filled her eyes and streamed down her face. "Oh, dammit. I'm such a f*****g fool." She collapsed onto his chest again and wept. Ryan quickly wrapped his arms around her. Feeling like he should have been kinder about this conversation. She really had no idea about any of her wolf life. What she knew she read in books. What she felt, she assumed was her magic. Maybe it was both but now she's just confused and broken.

"I need to call for Blair. Before we continue this conversation I really need to speak with her." Nadia pleaded but Ryan gave her a smile. "Of course babe, of course."

Nadia got showered and dressed quickly. She decided to visit Blair at her sanctuary rather than call her. She worried if Blair already knew everything she could refuse to show. Being a witch, Nadia had the ability to teleport. Her range was within a hundred miles, any direction of her current location. She walked to the back garden and stared at the pool. Memories of the love her and Ryan shared in the pool filled her mind. She couldn't focus enough to teleport. She turned her back to the pool, closed her eyes and pictured Blair, her sanctuary and the fields of lavender.

Blair was a solitary witch for years. Decades even. Nadia has never known her true age. After the outing, that she had nothing to do with, she became a recluse again and stayed hidden during the Great Divide. She had left behind her small coven and only made contact when called. Even then she didn't always answer. She was constantly cloaking her appearance. Changing hair color, body shape, even race. A Dark witch could do this without care or remorse. She was walking the sidewalk of a busy city when she caught a whiff of lavender. Suddenly a vision of her sanctuary and Nadia overtook her. She was being called… but this call was unusual. It was demanding. Urgent. Not just a call but an actual visit from a witch. With little control she turned quickly on her heels and headed back home. Her sanctuary was technically a small basement apartment under a coffee shop. She walked down the cracked cement steps and the smell of lavender was much stronger. There at her door stood Nadia. They haven't seen each other in years. Nadia had become a beautiful woman but there was something new about her, something familiar but uncertain.

"Hello my Priestess." Nadia said as thier eyes met.

"Shut up with that s**t Nadia. Get in here!" Blair rolled her eyes and pulled Nadia into the apartment. "What are you doing here? What's the emergency? Are you trying to out me?!"

"Now YOU stop with that s**t Blair, you know why I'm here!" Nadia was angry.

"So. You've shifted, have you? Congratulations Dog, what color is your fur? Black? Like your soul?" Blair snickered.

"You b***h. You knew. You knew all this time?! How dare you grant me magic knowing I am a wolf! How dare you break out sacred laws!" Nadia felt her skin grow hot.

"No. You don't get to come to MY sanctuary and speak to YOUR priestess like this! Do not forget who is in charge!" Blair's eyes turned dark and Nadia felt pressure on her body. The atmosphere was changing, she was slowly pulling the oxygen from the room.

"Blair. Please. Give me air. You're right. I'm just...I'm just so f*****g pissed at everything right now!" Nadia felt dizzy.

"You have reason to be pissed. But not at me." Blair flicked her wrist and fresh air filled the space. "I'm not the one you should be angry with. I protected you. I gave you what you asked. I was there for you when no one else was."

"You're right. So please. Please tell me. Tell me everything." Nadia sat to her knees and stared at Blair. Her eyes lost and teary.

POV Blair

…

I love my magic. My natural magic. It's pure, strong, elite. I never expected to have a coven of whiny, needy disrespectful bitches. I never expected to be a Priestess either and be in charge of these bitches too! Being exposed to the world was bullshit but at least I could escape without much trouble. Now here's Nadia. My worst mistake. My biggest regret. And she's a f*****g wolf who has shifted. Damnit.

…

Blair put her hands atop of Nadia's head. All these had to do was make contact like this, fall into a trance and she could see everything that had recently happened. It was an easy peasy memorie player; a dark witch speciality. She let go of Nadia and backed away. Not sure where to start because this girl was about to go batshit crazy.

"It's best I be blunt with you. I'm not gonna sugar coat shit." Blair said as she swayed across the room to her chair.

"Fine. I can handle it." Nadia said as she rose to her feet and sat across from her on the sofa.

"No, you can't. Want a drink? Let's have some gin." Blair stood quickly and went to fix two cocktails. Nadia shifted in her seat, sighed and felt her heart rate increase. Was this wolf? Or witch? Or human?!

Blair handed Nadia her drink and she swirled the mint leaves around the ice cubes. Gin, mint, ice and probably a relaxation spell, it was Blair's signature drink. "Ok, I'll start off with, yes I knew you were a wolf." She slammed back her own drink quickly, wincing at the cold ice.

"But second, none of this s**t was my idea. You can thank Violet and Helena for it all."

"What?! My mom and grandma? You know my mom and grandma!?" Nadia's mind began to spin.

POV Blair

…

That day in the lavender field was my first time trying to levitate. I wanted to feel the weightlessness of the breeze. The butterflies in my belly of excitement to do something inhuman. I gathered a swarm of monarchs and let them guide me. Levitation is tricky, it takes immense focus and patience. So when I had finally achieved my first lift off, I was nearly killed by the scent of a wolf! I was maybe 15 feet off the ground when I smelled that pungent b***h and lost my focus. I immediately cast a safety spell and was able to cloak my panic. To Violet I didn't miss a beat when really I was terrified. She caught me using my magic, she was a wolf so it wasn't likely she was alone, everything told me to be ready to fight. Just as I was ready to cause a small land quake, I sensed her own fear. She didn't seek me out to fight. She needed help.

I slowly gazed into her mind and concentrated on reading her. I smelled flowers and saw a shade of one color. It wasn't the lavender beneath me but it was very, very close. The more my eyes pierced into the more I came to it. I spoke softly yet firmly...Violet…Soon this mystery hound was nothing but a newborn puppy looking for a treat.

I let my guard down enough to sit with her. To listen and be kind. I needed to gain her trust and she kept sniffling me. She was getting too many scents and I gathered she was confused. I showed her my bag of herbs I always keep with me. Then I gently blew my breath to her nose. It's an old, old trick to get an animal aware of your scent. It worked as I felt her chin relax. I was exhausted and truly felt this wolf was not a fighter. She had an urgent need from a witch and she found me. I was being careless in the field. Fine. I'll help, but first I need a nap.

Violet allowed me to rest and I sunk into the grass and dozed off.

"She needs a binding spell. I can bind her dreams." Violet's need was easy which I was thankful for. I'm a dark witch but making deals and spells for a wolf can be dangerous. We made plans to meet back in the field in 3 days. So I could prepare a potion for her daughter.

The day arrived and I saw two wolves approach me slowly in the field. I had made a circle of salt and once they entered the agreement was to be made.

"Hello Helena. Violet, good to see you. Full disclosure of what's about to happen. There is a circle of salt around us. This will hold our agreement. I will grant you a potion and you will grant me payment."

"Payment? You said nothing of payment?" Violet said confused.

"Nothing is free my sweet wolf. I'm not asking for much."

"We didn't bring anything of value." Helena spoke.

"Oh yes you did my dear. You brought information. You are a turned wolf, once human. You are considered royalty in your community. Most importantly, You are close friends with the Luna." Blair said.

"How...how did you know all this?" Violet asked looking back at Helena in surprise.

"Violet, I'm offended! I'm a witch! A Dark witch. Shame on you for not doing your homework. The moment you set foot in the salt circle I've been privy to your thoughts." Blair laughed.

"Mother, this was a mistake. I think we should leave." Helena said and began to back up.

"You tricked us." Violet whispered.

"That's fine, you can leave. I still have the information I needed. It wasn't a trick, it was protection."

"Mother, let's go." Helena snuffed and turned to leave the circle.

"No Helena. She conned us, we may as well get her help." Violet was defeated and felt incredible guilt.

"Good. Let's head back to my sanctuary. I have a car not far from here. Do not shift. When I get us back to the city I will cloak you to appear as a domestic canine and place a collar and leash on you. Do not fight this. It's the safest way to get us past any humans or rogue vampires."

"Vampires?! Mother no! This is too dangerous!" Helena pleaded.

"We'll be fine Helena. Let's just calm down and get this done." Violet was firmer than she's ever been before. Helena felt an intense need to obey her mom.

The drive to the city wasn't long. I remember Helena whimpering in the back seat a lot. Shaking and pacing. I decided a Chihuahua was a perfect fit. Violet on the other hand just looked pathetic now. She'd make a perfect basset hound. Mopey and pitiful. I nearly felt sorry, even guilty but that's my own curse. Dark magic isn't for the weak, shake those feels and move on. We park on the side of the street near my apartment. I had already placed the cloaking spell when they were both to busy panicking.

"We're here. Remember you're a dog. My companion. My property. Put on the collar and leash with no fussing. Violet you can walk in but little- miss- gonna- piss- herself; I'll carry you."

"I can't believe you. The stereotype is true. Never trust a dark witch." Violet sneered.

"I told you who I was. Again, shame on you for not doing any research. Google survived the apocalypse deary. There is more information about supernatural beings than ever before." Blair shook her head.

I grabbed my new handbag-dog and pulled on the leash for Violet. To anyone on the street I was a tall, thin bleach blonde with a Louis bag. Very retro chic of the early 21st century. I even added extra bronzer for the full affect. We got to my door and they both started to squirm, whine and shake. I bet they were expecting a dungeon of sorts. I could have cloaked my place too, for the fun of it but eh, let's not waste time or energy for jokes.

"Alright ladies, we're here. You will stay in wolf form. I don't wanna know what either of your humans look like. After today, we never met. Since mommy dearest doesn't know jack s**t about dark magic, allow me to illuminate you."

"Now is the time. This is my magic.

This is my power. Now is the time. This is my magic. This is my power."

I flicked my wrist and closed my eyes. The room began to change. White fog rolled on the floor and the ceiling grew thick vines of dead brush. Crickets sung and frogs croaked.

My words will sink into your soul

don't fight it,

you'll have no control.

You seek the dark magic

You seek relief

My powers are quick, quite automatic.

Your womb is growing

Your heart is full

You fear everything without truly knowing

Your daughter is healthy and perfect

Just like any true mother

Your job is to love and protect

Rid these thoughts that fill your mind

They are gone now

Your fate is signed.

…

POV Helena

…

My head. My belly. Why is it so tight? What's that taste? This isn't right, what's happening?! Mother? Help me. This isn't right. My baby, oh no! My baby!

"Helena stop thrashing...you are ok." Violet whispered. "Relax my sweet girl, relax. Drink the potion and relax."

"Ok, ok… I trust you" I said back to her.

I could smell the lavender and salt. The air was so thick, so humid. I looked down and saw a black ribbon wrapped around my belly. It was wrapping tighter, all by itself. The witch was a few feet away from me. Her hands stiff and her eyes white. I felt the ribbon creep up my body like a snake. It went past my neck, jaw and snout. It began to loop around my head, ears and eyes.

Tighter.

Tighter.

I could hear a chant being spoken but also in a sing-song way. I couldn't quite make out the words. What is she saying? What did I agree too? The ribbon stopped moving and just began to squeeze. I worried for my baby. I was worried for myself. I lay on the floor motionless, scared and blinded.

All at once the atmosphere changed. Everything was different. I no longer felt the tightness. I opened my eyes and me and mother were back in the lavender field. Alone. The witch was gone.

"Spells cast outward onto thee, may bring back consequences...3 times 3."