Love n' Dear

Chapter 36: Restart

The glam team that my stepdad booked for us to is really annoyed by the fact that I can't calm myself. It’s been half an hour but my make-up is not yet done. Screw memories! They are still here, fooling me that I'm fine.

"Are you okay, My dear?" I quickly hug my mom so I can feel that I’m safe.

She tapped my back adding what's the matter with me today. Iyont nagtatagal dahil talaga sa kaartehan ko.

"Isn't time to visit him?" I answered her. Pero kaya ko bang dumalaw? And why am I being weird? Parang noong isang araw lang, nagtatalo pa kami ni Liam tungkol sa pagdalaw tapos heto ako, inaalok si Mama.

Natigilan siya sa sinabi ko siguro dahil ngayon labg ako nagtanong sa kaniya ng ganitong bagay bago hinawakan ang balikat ko para makita niya ang mukha ko I know what she'll say because she's not favor to visit him, my biological Dad and what am I even thinking?

"I got carried away, forget it," I said, changing my expression to a calm one. Lumapit na ako sa make-up artist and let her finish what she's doing to me. We're late but it won't matter.

The party already began when we arrived. I didn't know its Elle Father's Birthday so there's a party. This is probably the reason why she didn't attend the class for today. I’m not expecting that I can talk to her because she's like a finish product, proudly introducing her to everyone here, that's how business works. I wonder why Troy is not around because I notice that I didn't know him before, because he's not attending any party. Kung dumadalo siya kahit sa ganitong gathering, edi sana hindi ko siya pinatulan.

I'm alone here eating the food while Mom and Tito are also busy greeting people with my brother Kerr which is life of the party because he's so cute and adorable.

"Cheers?" Renz raised his glass. Hindi ko namalayan na nandito nga pala siya. Ito siguro ang sinabi niyang magkikita kami and he sits across my sit.

Elle and I don't talk about our love life with each other but if ever this is her boyfriend, I will surely bury him six feet under if he ever hurt my best friend.

"What's with death glare? You're scaring me."

I shook my head and continue chewing the food. I almost spit it out because Luis suddenly appeared out of nowhere and settle himself beside me. What is his trip for tonight?

"Would you mind if I dance you?" He offered his right hand in front of me. I almost rolled my eyes because I'm eating obviously.

"Would you also mind that I'm busy eating?" Magtatanong na lang talaga siya, iyong madali pang supalpalan. What if I get stomachache? Hindi rin talaga siya nag-iisip.

He shrugged his shoulder and pulls back his right hand so he can hide that I rejected him. "After you finish then," he replied.

"No, dance yourself."

"Ang lamig naman," panunukso ng pinsan niya. If we're not here tonight, I could probably show him my middle finger but I can't do it. I have to compose myself for I am carrying my mom's husband name.

Luis suddenly leaned to me. Wow, hindi pa rin ba kami tapos sa mga kalandian niya?

"Why?" he asked that makes my eyebrow waggled. Anong 'why' sa ayokong sumayaw?

I cleared my throat, trying to replace the cursing words I want to spit out to him. "What do you mean why? Aren't we clear when I say go satisfy yourself to death?" I angrily whispered. Heto na naman siya sa manggugulo sa pagkain ko. Hindi niya na talaga ako tinitigilan.

"Todo ingat pa ako, sa inggit lang pala ako mamatay.” I glared at Renz who is enjoying everything that is happening now.

"Silly," Luis replied back, whispering too. Now, I remember that he keeps saying that term, 'silly' to me. Kumukulo na ang dugo ko sa salitang iyon.

"Pasali naman sa whisper session?" I look at Renz whose prying on us.

"Bakit ka marunong magsalita ng Tagalog tapos itong weirdo mong pinsan, hindi?"

"Because love is in the air---" What is that mean? I didn't catch his last words because he stood up and walked away, leaving me and his cousin. Mahal niya ang Pilipinas kaya siya nag-aral ng lenggwahe nito? Right? Tama iyong intindi ko?

"Is he usually rude?" I asked myself because I'm asking question but he just leave me hanging like an idiot.

"I'm still here," said Luis. Hindi ko alam na attention-seeker din pala siya. Mukhang hindi talaga kami bagay.

Luminga-linga ako, pinipilit na hanapin si Troy kasi papa niya itong may birthday pero parang wala siya. Mukhang hindi siya dadating. Hindi ko na rin naman iyon problema.

Nang matapos na ako kumain. Lumapit si Kerr at nagpapasubo, di ko alam kung kanino talaga ito nagmana ng kaartehan.

"Hi!" Sipsip din talaga si Luis.

"The one who gave me a car toy! Hello! Thank you so much!" he exclaimed then smile. Sinalpakan ko na agad ang bibig niya para hindi na magsalita. Nalimutan ko ngang i-send iyong video niya. Ayoko namang i-unblock si Luis para lang ipasa ang video, guess I'll just delete it.

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah, one of my favorites and she got mad when--" Inabutan ko siya ng tubig para hindi siya makasagot.

"Kerr, stop talking nonsense, when did I become mad?" pag-uuto ko. Ayoko talaga ng madaldal. Bakit walang preno ang bibig niya?

"When I didn't say thank you to him and you even took a video of me---"

"Just eat so you can be tall," sabi ko bago nilagyan ang bibig niya ng gulay.

Natatawa naman itong katabi ko at hindi ko na lang siya pinansin at nagpapasalamat na lang ako na dumating iyong yaya niya at kinuha ito. Dumalo rin ang dalawang magkapatid sa lamesa. May ngisi pa sa labi si Karan at nag-salute na naman sa katabi ko samantalang napapailing si Kyros sa nakikita.

"Thought you broke up?" Karan asked, hindi nakatingin sa akin kundi sa mga taong nagsasaya sa gitna ng banquet hall.

"When did I say it?" Wala naman akong sinabing kami so paano kami maghihiwalay?

"Mah sis, you admitted yesterday in our dinner that he's not your boyfriend," Kyros rebutted.

"And that's the truth! We've never in a relationship, I don't know how you two came up with that conclusion but that's not what you thinking." Paano naging hiwalay kami sa hindi ko siya boyfriend? Grabe rin talaga imahinasyon nila.

"You also said it when it's Troy," Kyros replied. Kasi iba naman ang kaso about kay Troy.

"D**mn! You're you still a loser when it comes to man," Karan pissing me off.

"Get lost or I'll really kill the two of you," pagpapaalala ko. Mabilis naman niyang inilagay ang phone sa unahan at pinindot ang red button.

"This is a good remembrance, Loser. Enjoy your date," the last thing they said before disappearing in my sight. Grabe! Gusto lang pala ng selpi tapos ginalit pa ako.

Pasimple akong lumingon kay Luis na walang imik. "What about the video of your baby?"

Umiling ako dahil buburahin ko na iyon. "I don't have that, he just loved making stories."

"But he said you got mad."

Hindi ko na siya sinagot because I decided to take some photos so I can update my brothers to what is happening to me. I also post the pictorial I did earlier which is after the make-up and wearing my Ralph & Russo white tulle strapless gown with square deep split corset, embedded with shining star sequins like a diamond that's shining with crystals and glass beads. I'm so pretty. My brothers even commented the very annoying phrase which is I look like a rag, their slave and such. I miss hanging out with them.

I glanced at Luis who is also fidgeting his phone. I elbow his arm so I can catch his attention. "Why are you still here?"

Medyo naiinis pa siyang lumingon sa akin bago sinabing, "Dance and video."

Napaka-demanding talaga ng taong ito.

"There were two hundred single ladies here, why not ask them?" Umirap ako at hinanap sa gallery ko iyong video ni Kerr. Ipapanood ko na lang sa kaniya para matapos na at umalis na siya.

He chuckled that I can imagine him growing his horn on the forehead. "Silly, they are not you."

Hawak ko iyong cellphone bago iniharap sa kaniya. "Yes, that's right, I'm one and only but sorry I don't continue playing for the game I stop. I always choose to restart." This is the confidence I'm living for. Ten seconds lang ata iyong video ni Kerr na nagpapasalamat.

"Restart with me then," he said, nakatingin ang mata sa akin instead sa video that I'm playing sa cellphone ko.

"Seems you don't want---"

Hinawakan niya ang kamay kong balak ibalik ang phone ko sa pouch.

"I haven't seen the whole clip."

Hinayaan ko siyang magpokus sa panonood bago siya nagsalita. "I'm Luis Saviddis," pagpapakilala niya bago ibinigay sa akin ang kanang kamay.

Napailing ako sa mga galawan niyang ganito.

"I would rather restart with a kiss rather than a hand shake." Natahimik siya sa banat ko but I'm just kidding with that part. I really don't want to have something with him. I should have done this earlier than wasting my time with him. I even made some memories with him, then that would only be my memories.

I suddenly feel my hand vibrating because of my phone, indicating someone is calling me. Nakita niyang iyong screen na may tumatawag so I excused myself. I'm contemplating if I'll answer the call because it seems that it's Zero's number and in the end I accept the call. He can't enter here since he's not invited.

Hearing him askng me if I'm fine makes want to throw up. This is why I hate guys who give malice to everything. Sumandal ako sa may dingding habang pinapakinggan ang nasa kabilang linya, kung anong sasabihin niyang kasunod.

"Are you listening?"

I closed my eyes, trying to compose what he really needs to hear.

"We are not going back." I mean it. Well, I'm so messed up and kinda bipolar. Kanina lang sobrang-sobra ang iyak ko, nag-aalalang baka mawala na siya sa mundong ito but now here am I, being hostile to him, slapping him that there's no hope between us. Everything is done and we both had enough of the expired drama.

I heard the other line laughing more like forcing that our conversation is funny when it's not.

"You said that before," he replied.

"But you keep rejecting it," I pouted while holding my phone to my ears.

"I need to reject it so there will be someone beside you."

"And that's you? Come on, Zero! Don't kidding me, you can't even understand me." I touched my fake eyelashes, trying to curl it more. Ang kulit-kulit niya, na iyong akala kong aalis na siya, matibay pa rin na kumakapit.

"I promise I'll stay with you."

"Why would you do it? It's not like I need you, anyway."

He laughed and utter a goodnight thing. He didn't let me say something and just quickly hang-up. He's wasting his precious time with the thing that is out of his control. There is no reward at the end of the journey he's walking. We ended and it was long overdue. I cried because I remember my Dad dying and that's it.

I bend down to wipe my heels because I didn't know there's a dirt. Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang makaayos ako ng tayo at bumungad sa akin si Luis na nasa harapan ko. When did he follow me? Well, he's not my business, anymore.

Maglalakad na sana ako pero mabilis niyang inilagay ang kamay sa may gilid ko, really trapping me to the wall. Is this his trick now? Funny! Palaban talaga siya.

"What do you plan now?" I asked laughing to his face and lame tricks. Ano namang balak niya pagkatapos akong ikulong? Magmilagro? He should know that I can shout--- I gasped when he leaned on me. Nanuot tuloy sa ilong ko iyong pabango niyang kanina ko pang tinitiis na huwag langhapin.

Seryoso lang siyang nakatingin sa mga mata ko but I smiled, fighting what I'm feeling inside. It's something glittery and flowery. Something that makes my heart skips a beat. Freak!

"Will you slap me if I kiss you?" tanong niya, mas lalong inilapit ang mukha na halos amoy ko na iyong hininga niya at nag-aalalang marinig ang kabog ng dibdib ko.

Napakurap-kurap naman ako, absorbing what he said. What? Kiss? Come on mind interpret what he said. I don’t get it.

Hinawakan niya ang baba ko habang ang isa'y nakatuon pa rin sa pader sa may gilid ko ng mukha ko.

"Get off--"

He suddenly claimed my lips. I thought he'll stop but he's really doing great. This is the lips that I have tried moving on. It’s too soft and I suddenly feel envy, why didn't I have those lips, a kissable one? He's exploring inside my mouth, even sucked my tongue.

Pinigilan kong ipulupot ang kamay sa leeg niya at nakuntentong hawakan ang laylayan ng puting longsleeve niya habang sinasabayan ang galaw niya sa labi ko.

He introcude himself again but this time, he said it in between our kiss and pulled the back of my head to him before brushing his lips with mine.