Love n' Dear

Chapter 37: Relationship

Malakas kong itinulak ang dibdib niya para makawala na ako sa mga labi niya. Hindi ko naman siya sasampalin at para saan pa? Parang ginawan niya na rin ako ng pabor sa paghalik niya. It's just, everything is a mess and blurry. I knew this feeling, I somehow felt it before and I should ignore it.

Pinagmasdan ko siyang hinahawakan ang labi niya, probably touching if there's a blood kasi kinakagat ko iyon every time I can't get enough of it.

Ewan ko ba pero sa kaniya lang talaga ako nakakatagal ng halik. I mean, we can go beyond that but it seems that he really want is a kiss but that is enough for me.

This is getting out of my mind. Siguraduhin niya lang talagang hindi ko na makikita ang mukha niya kasi pipilipitin ko talaga ang leeg niya sa sobrang pagkainis.

Pinukol ko siya ng sama ng tingin dahil ang sakit-sakit na nga ng batok ko dahil nakatingala ako sa kaniya habang sarap na sarap siya sa labi ko. Hinawakan ko ang batok ko at inikot-ikot ito.

"Why do you need to be that tall? I have sore neck!" I hissed and continuing what I'm doing. Lumpuhin ko na lang kaya siya? Para if ever man, naka-wheel chair na lang siya habambuhay edi hindi mananakit ang batok ko--- no. Kailangan kong magising sa kahibangang ito.

Nagulat akong umupo siya sa harapan ko na parang batang nawawala para lang silipin ang mukha ko. Para siyang natatae sa pwesto niya habang nakapaikot ang mga braso sa binti.

"Does it hurt?" he asked.

Ang sarap niyang lang tirisin. I'm wearing a 4.5-inch heels tapos hanggang baba niya lang ako. I should try practicing higher than that and not for him, but for my own sanity. Nanliliit talaga ako kapag katabi siya.

"Thanks to your genes," I sarcatically said. Bakit ba kasi hindi man lang ako nakataas ng kaonti pa. Matangkad naman si Liam, hanggang baba niya lang ako kasi compared kay Luis na almost seven footer---yes that's it! Why do I need to feel small when I'm talking about a basketball player here?

"You want tall or short?" Ganoon pa rin ang posisyon niya habang nagtatanong.

Inilagay ko ang kanang kamay sa opposite side ng head ko para mabanat and I also did it sa kabila. Nakarinig pa ako ng kaonting pag-c***k but it feels nice. I should make an appointment for my massage.

"Our kids, you want them to be you or me? If it's girl---"

Bakit ang kakapal talaga ng mukha nila? Do I look someone who loves kids? I just love Kerr because he's my brother but I don't want kids.

"We're not dating or what just so you know."

Mabilis naman niyang inilahad ang kaliwang kamay sa harapan ko.

"Restart?" pagtatanong niya.

Why would I restart with this guy who’s already tainted his image to me? Nah! I want him to get lost and never approach me. I realize that I can still find a guy who has kissable lips so why bother settle for him?

I shook my head while saying, "I won't continue the game for you." Iwinaksi iyong kamay niyang nakalahad pero hinawakan niya iyon at pinilit na makatayo. Akala ko nga matutumba ako sa bigat niya.

Hawak ang kamay kong pinagpagan niya ang tuhod ng suot niyang slacks na kulay itim at coat na medyo nagusot dahil sa pagkakaupo niya.

"Guess you still lack of my kiss," he responded. Iginaya iyong kamay niya sa bewang ko at mas lalo kaming nagkalapit sa isa't isa, making our body touching. Dahil hawak niya ang isa kong kamay, malaya kong inilagay sa bibig ko ang natitira pang kaliwang kamay para matakpan ang labi ko at hindi siya makahalik. Ka-re-recover ko pa lang sa sakit ng batok, ayokong maulit na naman. Baka magka-brace na ang leeg ko kinabukasan dahil lang sa walang kwentang bagay.

"It's either you sit down or no kissing. I might get a brace one of these days."

Bahagyang natawa siya sa sinabi ko bago ipinagdikit ang noo naming dalawa. "Silly," he said while guiding my left hand to his shoulder and raised our both hands that's he's holding earlier through the air.

"Shall we dance?" he asked seductively. I rolled my eyes, talagang kapag gusto niya, nakukuha niya.

Fine! I'm planning to step on his foot since I'm wearing my heels. Gaya nang nangyari sa elevator, mukhang masakit nga iyon tapos naka-black shoes pa siya ngayon. It seems heaven is on my side.

We are just swaying our foot right and left and I intend to move forward but he's fast, he also moves backward. What a nice reflex he had! I hate the truth that he's a basketball player so I can't fight with him. Especially in terms of height! I can't even defend myself.

We continue dancing with me messing the steps but him being fast to dodge my heels until he let me twirl and bend me over, catching me with his arm.

We are both panting, catching our breath because it's draining to just dance like this and again, it feels squizzy inside. Things become blurry just by looking at him, his face that's glowing. His brown eyes that I can see for myself how he sees me. Without saying it, I know he wants to let me know that I am beautiful, that's how it is. I almost cry but I heard him calling my name and I began to recall something I said to him when I was drugged.

Mabilis akong umayos ng tayo at nagkunwaring umuubo. Pinaypayan ko rin ang sarili ko dahil mukhang namumula ako. What am I even thinking? Kaonting lang ang naalala ko but that's absurd.

"About...the call we did...uhm..." Para akong tangang paputol-putol ang sinasabi dahil nahihiya ako. I haven't organized my thoughts. "I was just high; I didn't mean all of it."

Hindi ko na nilingon kung anong reaksyon niya at tumungo agad. Nakakahiya talaga ang ginawa ko, dapat talaga binabaon na sa limot lahat ng pangyayaring ng nakaraan.

"You remember?"

"Not really but just forget all of it," sabi ko na umiiling-iling. Is that why he story himself na may nakasulat na patience? Grabe naman kasi ako! But I'm glad we're in a different location that time, I know that we're all good and come to think of it, he also had a chance to do something to me yesterday night lalo na at lasing ako but he didn't do it. Fine, medyo okay na ulit iyong reputasyon niya sa akin.

Wala akong narinig sa kaniya and I admit na kalilimutan na niya iyon. Tumunghay na ako at lumingon sa kaniya na nakaambang babatukan na naman ako.

"What the heck, Luis? You're trying to throw your punch at me again!" I shouted but he quickly cover my mouth with his hand at hinila ako sa mas lalong madilim na parte dahil siguradong may ilang nakarinig ng sigaw ko.

May mabilis na tatlong lalaking staff ang nagpunta at napapailing na bumalik sa loob ng hall dahil wala naman silang nakita. Tsaka lang niya inalis ang tabong kamay sa bibig ko.

I crossed my arm at ready na sungaban siya kasi sumusobra na talaga siya. Mukha ba akong di papatol sa kaniya? Nananakit pa ata siya ng babae. Nagkakalamat na naman ang tingin ko sa kaniya.

"I'm not trying to hurt you; I'm actually suppressing my anger." He's not towering me with his height.

"Wow? And that's pointing your fist to me?"

"No, that's not what I mean," pagdadahilan niya. Kahit pa! Paano kung ituloy niya?

"Why are you angry?" Namula naman agad ang tenga niya pagkarinig pa lang sa tanong ko. Weird!

"I'm really sorry," sabi niya na nakatitig sa mata ko kahit na pulang-pula ng tenga niya. Tumaas ang kilay ko sa inaasta niya. What is he sorry?

"For everything, throwing my fist, touching your bo--"

Pinalo ko agad braso niya para hindi na niya matapos ang balak na sabihin sa akin because I get it and I accept his apology earlier, noong nasa kotse siya.

"Thank you," Luis added, holding his arm na hinampas ko.

Ano na naman? Pabitin talaga siya.

"Just for everything,” he added. Oh? Nagpapasalamat ba siya dahil sa pasalubong ko? Ang mura lang kaya noon. Dalawang malaking bilog na chocolate at milk ang flavor na binili ko para sa kaniya tapos dalawa ring Tupperwear na bilog na may lamang mani. Iyong isa matamis tapos maalat na maanghang naman ang natitira. Wala pa namang limang-daan ang nagastos ko, so that’s fine.

"You are welcome," I said, smiling to him, pretending I'm very innocent. So he's the guy who can appreciate little things? He also knows how to say sorry and thank you.

Kinabig niya ako papalapit sa kaniya at niyakap ng mahigpit. "Silly," he said sniffing my hair because he's towering me.

The party ended with me wasting my time with Luis. Kung hindi lang ako tinawag ni Kerr, hindi ko pa mamamalayang uuwi na kami. Pinagmasdan ko pa ang mukha niya bago ako umalis.

Hanggang sa byahe, Kerr's been annoying. Ipinipilit niyang panoorin ko ang sayaw kanina which is na-video-han niya. Tatawa-tawang lang si Karan at di na natapos sa pam-bu-bully niya sa amin. Magkasama kaming apat (ako, Kerr, Karan at Kyros) sa sasakyan habang magkasama sa isang kotse naman si Tito at Mama. I didn't know kung anong trip nila. Ang rare naman na ipagsama kaming apat. I mean, okay lang kung kami ni Kerr pero itong dalawang anak niya? No!

I entertain Kerr kasi magsisimula na siyang umiyak dahil walang pumapansin. Busy mag-phone si Kyros samantalang puro pagbibiro lang ang alam ni Karan, ako naman nag-iinarte lang talaga. Pinanood ko iyong recorded video and I suddenly remember iyong sayaw naman ni Luis. Kung saan ipinaikot niya ako bago hinayaang ibaluktot ang katawan at nasalo niya. So that is him being on top of me? That is when I'm under him?

"Why are you red?"

Umiwas ako ng tingin sa nagtanong na iyon dahil wala na naman siyang gagawin kundi manukso. Iniba ko na lang ang usapan tungkol sa pasalubong ko at may ganang pang sabihing wala raw bang maalat dahil puro matamis ang binili ko.

Nagtalo lang kaming dalawa hanggang sa pumagitna si Kyros na mukhang naistorbo namin sa bebe time niya. I don't know pero mukhang seryoso siya sa jowa niya at wala naman akong pake. I think, he can do what he wants as long as hindi pa nalalaman ni Tito.

--

Noong Biyernes, nakakatuwang nagkasabay ang schedule namin ni Elle. I don't have anything to do after my class and her instructor is not around so we decided to eat. Papunta pa lang sa resto, dinaldal na niya kung gaano niya na-miss ang lasa ng Hany na pinakapaborito niyang pagkain. Hindi ko naman maitanong paano siya nakakakain, well siguro patago. May dala-dala nga siya ngayon kasama iyong chichirya na matamis rin at polboron. Inaalok pa niya ako habang papasok kami ng resto.

Para na naman siyang tatakbo ng presidente sa dami ng taong binati niya, napapangiti na lang ako bago naupo. Minsan talaga, gusto ko na lang magpanggap na hindi ko siya kilala.

"Balak mo sigurong pumasok sa politika."

"Making friends means connections, that how business work."

Napatango ako at hinayaan siyang um-order kasi pinipilit kong magpapayat. Noong birthday ng Papa niya, Luis said I become healthier because unlike before na sinampa niya ako sa balikat niya na parang sako, that night I'm too thin but yesterday, noong nagtimbang nga ako para kumpirmahin, I really gained freaking five pounds that forced me to diet starting today. Dala na rin siguro ng pagkain at pagtulog ko noong dumalaw sa Pilipinas.

Nasa kalagitnaan kami ng pagkain when we bump to her brother na mukhang uncomfortable ang magkapatid sa isa't isa. Elle can't even utter the word brother.

"See you around," he said before leaving the two of us. Hindi ko naman alam na rito pala kumakain si Troy, edi sana hindi na lang kami nagpunta rito.

I watched Elle's reaction and she's busy with her phone. I tapped her arm. Isang araw nga niya akong hindi pinansin noong nalaman niyang may nagyari sa amin ng Kuya niya tapos hindi ko na lang alam ngayon. Hindi siya oa since, iba-iba talaga iyong pagtanggap ng tao. Tho, I'm opposite of her. Kung may mangyari man sa kanila ni Liam, I will be glad pero kapag naghiwalay sila, then I'm thorn, stuck between these two.

"Are you fine?"

"Why would I not?"

"You still mad about me---"

"I'm not mad, I just don't want to be in between you two, choosing whose side I will go, that's a hassle. I don't want to lose either you or him."

I smiled kasi wala naman siyang poproblemahin. She knew very well me na kapag tapos na, wala na talaga.

"But Troy is nice, he's a boyfriend material." I said, looking at my fingers with new coated color of white. I love white and black but more on white. My walk in closet are filled with white color and sometimes cream. Nakakakalma lang siya tingnan at mukhang malinis.

"Yeah," she agreed, finishing her orange juice na katatapos niya lang kumain ng seafood. Talagang nagpapainggit ang goal niya. While I'm here enjoying my steak bowl with brown beans, fajitas, lots of sour cream and one scoop of corn, cheese, guacamole and lettuce. This would give me less than 50 carbs and I'm fine with it. I'm also on a diet. No one force me to do it but I guess I have to maintain and play my character well. Hindi ako pwedeng tumaba ng bigla and knowing Elle, ipagkakalat na naman niyang buntis ako. Ayoko na ng isyu.

"Should I apply for his girlfriend?"

She suddenly spits her drinks. I can feel she did it in purpose. But what's wrong with my question? Akala ko ba okay sa kaniyang maging ate ako? Best friend turns to her sister.

"You don't want me to be your family?" I pouted, acting like baby, pretending that I'm hurt but I'm just really kidding.

She immediately shook her head and said, "No! Of course not! I told you, I would love it, just startled to know you want to settle for good."

I'm not and will not. Settle for good? "But I don't want you to be my family. I don't want to talk to you for a long time. Nauubos na ang energy ko kahit kumakain pa lang ako ngayon so what more kapag pamilya na kita?"

Umirap naman siya at sinabihan akong ang arte-arte. Pinunasan niya ang bibig ng tissue at inantay akong matapos sa kinakain before we went to comfort room so we can retouch.

"How's the party? I didn't get to talk to you that night."

I stopped putting lipstick. "Because you're busy being offered to different people," I said half true. It's just Luis never leave me that time.

"But when everyone is dancing, you're not there. Thought you're not feeling well and went home early," she responded, busy putting highlighter to her face.

I spread the lipstick I put on my lower lip and add different shade so it can suit my face well.

"I'm there! You just didn't see me." I tried smiling so I can wipe my teeth if ever there's lipsticks stain or what there. "Or you're busy with someone," I added.

I'm looking at the mirror when I saw her reaction, smiling like she experienced something good. I snatched her highlighter and use it to my face.

"Just don't get hurt, okay?"

She slapped my arm, distracting me from doing something. Is she having butterflies now?

"Wabyu," she said before grabbing her make-up at siya na ang naglagay noon sa mukha ko.

I'm happy for her, finally no more study first or keeping up with the pressure from her parents. She deserves to be happy.

"Wabyu more."

--

When Sunday came, tinulungan ko lang si Mama na magluto ng pagkain since naka-schedule ngayon ang punta nila sa orphanage. When I said, my stepdad is nice, this is what I'm saying. He loves volunteering to some charity. He loves to help people and I'm really hoping that people can see it. He had done many wonderful things but people don't know it. They keep saying na pakitang tao lang o para pagpapalakas sa tao but they didn't know the truth, wala silang alam na sa likod ng camera, mas doble ang pagtulong ni Tito. Mukhang iyong pamilya niya talagang may malasakit sa tao.

Nagsimula iyong program at wala akong ginawa kundi magbigay ng pagkain at labas ang ngiping nakangisi pagkatapos ay nakisaya na sa kanila. May mga ilang palaro ding inihanda iyong team ni Tito kaya mukhang happy na happy sila. Natapos kami ng hapon at akala ko kakain kami sa labas kasi pagod na si Mama at sure ako wala na siyang energy para makapagluto pa pero pinilit ni Tito na umuwi na lang kami.

Pagdating ko sa bahay, sinalubong ako ni Kerr ng bulaklak na lavender bago dinala ako sa garden. Tumambad sa akin ang isang telang nakalatag doon at nakatalikod na kapatid niyang hindi magkaintindihan sa pag-de-design ng ilaw.

"Happy Birthday, Louisse! Better late than never," nakangisi nilang sabi.

Lumingon naman ako sa likod at nakangiti lang si Tito at nagtaas ng kamay si Mama na wala siyang alam. So this is picnic?

Dinaluhan ko na silang magsasapakan pa ata sa pag-aayos ng venue. Mom insist na magluto para sa dinner namin at tutulungan daw siya ng asawa niya kaya wag na kaming mag-alala at maglaro muna habang nag-aantay.

After we finish what we are doing sabay kaming tatlong humiga sa telang nakalatag at pinagmasdan ang kalangitan na nagsisimula pa lang dumilim. Sumampa naman si Kerr sa akin at hinalikan ang pisnge ko tapos umikot siya at nagpanggap na sinusuntok ang braso ng mga kuya niyang walang laban at nakahiga.

Tinawag na kami ni Mama na tulungan silang dalhin ang mga pagkaing nailuto nila. Nagpauyuhan pa kami kung sino ang pupunta hanggang iyong Dad na nila ang nagtawag ng pangalan.

Natatawang pinanood ko ang likod ni Karan papasok ng bahay. Pangalan kasi niya ang binanggit at bumalik siya kasama na sina Mama.

Naupo na kami at pinalibutan ang pagkain. Napangisi ako when I saw Kerr na nangungunang kumuha ng hotdog. I pinched his cheek while leaning my head to my Mom's shoulder. This is the best family day we had. No one's bicker--

"Man, come on!" I heard the old son, Kyros said to his brother, Karan.

Scratch that! The two are still annoying. Just happy that my relationship with Mom or let's say my new family is good. I know this won't last but I'm happy.