Love n' Dear

Chapter 41: Fun

"Can I ask for a favor?" I asked, still in his warm arms, hugging me.

"Anything for you." Naramdaman ko ang baba niya sa taas ng ulo ko. Nanatili naman akong nakaharap sa dibdib niya.

"Can we keep our relationship private?"

Kinailangan ko pang tumingala para makita ang reaksiyon niya. I don't want people to know about us. The more people know this, the bigger chance of break up because no matter what, they will interfere with our business. I’m not saying I'm in love with him but I just want us to be safe. If we broke up then it's not hassle.

I'm just glad that I will have fun with him because tomorrow is not promised to nobody so make the most out of it. However, one thing is for sure, I don't want to trouble myself and to be troubled just by craving the curiosity of other people.

He didn't answer me so I had to sit properly and face him. What is he thinking now? I would be happy if he'll say his perspective because I don't want our relationship to sail by my commands only. We are two in this relationship so we have equal rights.

"Why?" he asked, tucking some few strand of my hair hindering me to see him to the back of my ears.

"Hassle," I replied.

"What's hassle in our relationship?" His voice starts to raise a little bit.

"I find it tiring if we end up because people will keep asking for an answer and I have to explain every time and I don't want it to happen."

He cupped my face and let him look at it closer. "Who says will end up?"

Bakit ba napakaseryoso nya? What if nga lang kasi diba? "You think will last?"

"Just getting married and kids," sabi niya habang hinahaplos ng hinalalaking daliri iyong pisnge ko.

Mahinang pinalo ko siya sa dibdib dahil sa sobrang pagka-advance niya mag-isip. "Why are you thinking about it? Try to live in the present first, okay?"

"I'm looking at my present and future." He and his sweet talks. Nai-imagine ko na agad na di kami tatagal dahil sa korni niyang galawan.

"Hypothetically speaking, what will happen if we broke up and people knew us being a couple, isn’t tiring to just answer their question?"

Itinigil niya ang paghaplos sa pisnge ko at seryoso akong pikatitigan.

"We're not breaking up," he firmly said.

Hindi nga sa ngayon, pero what if bukas? Wala namang kasiguraduhan na kami pa rin bukas o sa susunod na taon and I want to change the path I took before. Ayokong magaya siya kay Zero. Nakakapagod ipaliwanag kung bakit wala na kami at nakakasawang pakinggang ang dalawang salitang 'sayang kayo' kasi ako nga hindi nanghinayang, so sino ba sila para maramdaman iyon?

"Still, I want it private."

Nagsisimula nang kumulubot ang noo niya dahil sa sinasabi ko, maybe he can't understand what I'm trying to say.

"Why do we have to keep it private when we are both single?"

"Because I want it that way." Nagtaas pa ako ng balikat na parang wala lang, ito ang gusto ko, respect my privacy and decision.

"I can't understand, I'm not even married implying you're not my mistress so are you already married?"

"What? No!" Saan naman niya napulot ang balitang kasal ako? Talamak talaga ang fake news.

"Then why bother keeping it a secret?" He kissed my cheeks after saying it. This is actually fun, I can see that he's clingy and I love it.

"Hey! When did I say it will be secret? I only said private not secret. We can keep going on a date and have fun but of course our close friends or maybe family can only know it."

Tho, I won't tell him to my family lalo na kay Mama. It's just, mahirap talaga kapag nag-split kami. Sayang iyong panahong ginugol sa kaniya na sa huli, wala rin pala. I can let them know na may boyfriend ako but I will never introduce him and my family to each other.

"Does it basically mean public?"

"No. Public means showing to the whole world, like posting picture in the internet. It is a public thing so that's forbidden."

Right! Picture means a lot, pwede namang hindi na i-post. Sobrang nahirapan ako nang maghiwalay kami ni Zero, sa una I had to archive my post tapos naiyamot na talaga ako, I deactivate it and made a new account.

"Don't get it but whatever makes you happy," he said, kissed my cheeks like it's his usual routine and hug me again. Tumunog naman ang phone ko so I had no choice kundi sagutin kasi baka mapagalitan na naman ang driver ko at baka maging santo na siya.

"What do you want birthday boy?"

"Ice cream, what took you so long? You can buy it in the near store but you insisted to go that far?"

Does it mean alam niya ang location ko? What the hell did he put in my phone? A bugger or a tracker?

"I'm on my way."

"Your location says you're not moving."

Lumingon ako kay Luis na seryosong nakatingin sa ice cream na para kay Zero.

"Be there in less than thirty-minutes so end this call." Mabilis kong kinuha sa kamay ni Luis ang pint dahil baka buksan niya. Laking tuwa ko namang marinig ang pagbaba ni Zero ng tawag without asking me.

"Give me a lift to our school," I said without looking at him but to a pint of ice cream. I need to give him this para sumaya naman siya.

"Let's date."

Napalingon ako sa kaniya dahil di ko aakalaing magyayaya siya. Nag-isip muna ako bago tumanggi. "No, I have plans, maybe next time." Pinisil ko ang pisnge niya.

"You sure?" Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at seryosong tumitig na naman sa mata ko, na para bang sinasabing 'sure ka na?’,'boyfriend mo ako' at 'importante pa ba iyan sa akin?'

Ngayon ko lang nakita ang side niyang ganto, this is his charm pero kahit na anong ganda nito sa mata ko buo na ang desisyon ko. It's not like wala ng bukas para mag-date kami, comparing a birthday to a simple date is not fair. Once a year lang mag-birthday iyong tao. At as if pipili talaga ako sa kanilang dalawa.

"Yeah so move, I don't want to be late." Nararamdaman ko na ring natutunaw na iyong hawak kong ice cream dahil namamasa na iyong plastic niya. Nakipaglabanan pa siya ng titig, akala ata mag-iiba ang desisyon ko.

Bigo siyang bumaba ng sasakyan para umikot at maupo sa driver seat since nandito nga siya sa passenger seat at nakakandong ako sa kaniya. Mukha siyang asong nagtatampo sa amo habang nagmamaneho. Natatawang pinagmasdan ko lang siya at hindi na ginulo pa.

"Unblocked me," pagpapaalala niya bago ko alisin ang seatbelt dahil nandito na kami sa may gate 4.

"I'll think about it," pagbibiro ko.

"I'll call you later, unblocked me," he said without thinking too much about what I replied to him.

"We'll see," sabi kong natatawa at lumabas na ng sasakyan. Hindi naman kalayuan kung saan naroon si Zero na nakasandal sa may pader habang hawak iyong phone niya.

Lumapit ako sa kaniya at balak na gulatin pero ako lang iyong nagulat dahil lumingon siya.

"How did you know I'm here?" Hawak-hawak ko pa iyong dibdib ko sa pagkagulat.

Ipinakita niya sa akin ang phone na may nakalagay na GPS ko. Umirap ako at ibinigay sa kaniya iyong ice cream na malambot na. Tinanggap niya iyon at sumakay na kami sa sasakyan.

"Anong balak mong gawin?"

"Ihahatid ka?" Oo nga, ang obvious ng tanong ko.

"How about your birthday? Gaya ng dati, party-party."

"You know---"

I said, "I don't know," in the middle of his sentence.

"We broke up when it's my birthday."

Talaga?

"That's your birthday? Then, it's really been five years? Happy five years of being my ex. Anyway, don't tell me you stopped celebrating your birthday because of it? I don't remember you feeling sad when we broke up. I can sense that you feel relieve instead because finally, you are free from the cage."

"It's not like we can fix that time."

"And you believe this is the right time to fix it? After five years? You're coming back and will say that we can fix everything? You must be crazy."

Natahimik naman siya bago seryoso nagmaneho habang nakatingin sa daan. I should have enjoy my date now, kundi ko lang siya binigyan ng ice cream. Siguro happy-happy na kami.

Pagdating sa bahay, may luto na agad si Mama na pagkain para sa birthday ni Zero. Iyong batas na tuwing Linggo lang siya magluluto, ilang beses na niyang nilabag para lang sa lalaking ito. Worth it ba talaga siya? I can't even see kung anong nagustuhan niya rito.

--

I don't think Luis understand what we talked yesterday because he's waiting for me outside my room, leaning against the railways.

I acted like I don't know him but I feel like he's following me. I'm just glad that there are lots of students who are with me, walking to the same direction.

When I entered the elevator, he also did. I rolled my eyes for his stup**d action. Why can't he understand to keep it private? What if these people smell something here?

It's not funny how we both end up waiting for the floor I supposed to go. He was about to touch my hand when I knock it off.

"CCTV," I reminded him.

I immediately get out of it and walk to the old building. Luma na ito kaya walang gumagamit at ginawang storage na lang, stock room kumbaga ng mga gamit especially mga sirang upuan and such. Isa pa hindi na rin maganda ang facility at malaking gastos lang if ever i-renovate.

Humarap ako sa kaniya dahil ayoko nang mas lalong maglakad pa.

"Are you waiting for me?" tanong ko. Halip na sinagot hinawakan niya ang bewang ko at binuhat ako at paupo sa lamesa.

"I told you, we should keep it private," pagpa-aalala ko sa kaniya kasi baka nakakalimutan na niya. Ayokong ako ang mahirapan kapag naghiwalay kami and I can see na nalalapit na iyon.

Itinuon lang niya ang parehong kamay sa lamesa para makulong ako at inilapit ang mukha sa akin.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked.

"What?" My mind stopped for a moment pero dahil dakila akong malandi tumango na lang ako. Isa rin naman sa dahilan kung bakit tinanggap ko siyang boyfriend ko ay ang labi nya.

I pouted when we stopped kissing. "Hug?" I asked him spreading my arms, waiting for his respond.

"Silly," he replied, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Don't wait for me again. You know that you always cause fuss whenever you go. Being a player is indeed tiring," I said, tightly wrapping my arms to his neck.His smells soothe into my nose and it's very alluring.

"I still have my practice."

Oh? I almost forgot he's a basketball player pero iba talaga kapag varsity. Now I wonder, buti nakakalandi pa siya kasi after class may training or practice pa pala siyang ginagawa. I prefer to sleep if I am him kasi nakaka-drain ang ginagawa niya.

Kumalas siya sa yakap at hinayaan akong nakapatong ang kamay sa braso niya habang magkaharap kami sa isa't isa. I feel so powerful na medyo kasing tangkad ko siya. If I'm standing, hindi ko ito magagawa.

"How's your day, Luis?"

Tumingin muna siya sa akin at mukhang may tinitimbang na sasabihin. "I'm fine," he answered but I can see that it's the opposite. What's wrong with him?

"Are you mad?" Hinaplos-haplos ko iyong buhok niya sa likod habang inaantay ang isasagot niya.

Nakita ko na naman ang mukha niyang hindi sigurado sa sasabihin. Magsasalita na sana siya nang tumunog ang phone niya sa bulsa. Mabilis niya iyong kinuha at balak na sagutin pero hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at pinipigilan.

"I have to run twice the laps they did if I'm late," pagdadahilan niya. It seems that the call is from his teammates. I don't care kung tumakbo pa siya ng isang daang milya. I need to know kung bakit siya ganito ngayon.

Tumigil ang tunog sa phone niya kaya hindi niya iyon nasagot pero seryosong nakipaglabanan ako ng titig sa kaniya.

"Why are mad? Is it me or just a bad day? I want a clear answer." Kung sa akin siya galit, I can make it up to him kung masama naman ang araw niya, then I can let him pour it to me because that's the least I can do. I'll stay with him kahit na mag-rant siya just not this kind of attitude. When I offer him the position of being my boyfriend, I'm serious about it. Hindi ako naglalaro na parang isang bata, na kapag ayaw ko na, bibitaw na.

"Just annoyed," he said not looking at me. Kanino naman? Sa akin?

Hinawakan ko iyong baba niya para makita ko ang mukha niya. I need and want to learn his facial expression.

"To?"

"You," aniya na hindi tumitingin sa mata ko.

Sabi ko, malinaw na sagot so why is he giving me this kind of answer? So ganoon na lang iyon? Aayaw na siya? At wala akong alam na nagawa ko kung bakit siya naaasar sa akin. He should be happy na kinakausap ko pa siya ngayon after niya magpakita sa labas ng room ko, sinuway niya ang napagkasunduan namin.

Inalis ko ang pagkakahawak sa baba niya dahil I don't get him.

"You want to break up?"

Mabilis siyang tumitig sa mukha ko na medyo gulat sa nasambit ko at may halong pagkaseryoso ang mukha. Bumuntong hininga muna siya para pakalmahin ang sarili bago nagsalita.

"You want?" pagbabalik niya ng tanong sa akin. Aba't, ako ang nagtatanong tapos ako rin ang saaagot?

"I'm not, how about you?" Ako nga itong inaalam kung bakit medyo iba ang kinikilos niya tapos aakusahan niya akong balak makipaghiwalay.

"I haven't plan, imagine or even dream about it," he replied.

Napatango ako sa sinagot nitong pasok naman sa tenga ko. Okay, I get it. "So what's the reason of you being mad?"

"I'm annoyed not mad."

I repeated what I said.

"What did you do last night?"

I know why he is annoyed. Kahapon kasi naging abala ako dahil naisipan ko pang mag-bake ng cake para kay Zero the fact na ex ko siya pero may gana pa talaga akong mag-suggest na gagawan ko siya. Well, hindi naman siya stranger tapos Tito also opened a champagne so the rest is history. I forgot to unblock or even call him. Hindi ko man lang nagawang ipaalam kung anong pinagkakaabalahan ko tapos sabi niya pa tatawag siya.

Nag-antay ba siya ng matagal?

"Did you stay up late?" tanong ko at binabakas ang hulma ng mata niya. "I'm sorry, I really forget everything." I should have update him. Bakit ba nawala sa isip ko? Well, ang talaga ko na rin kasing nagkajowa. Kapag naman sa ka-partner ko para mag-exercise, hindi naman ako obligadong mag-entertain na sabihin kung anong ginagawa ko.

"You party, bake a cake, drink champagne and unblocking me didn't slip in your mind?"

"I'm really sorry, what do you want me to do?" I cupped his face and smile like an idiot, trying to ease his mad. I don't know but it feels glittery seeing him acting like this.

Wait! How did he know I did all of that? I haven't unblocked him even up to this day so paano? "How did you know everything? You have dummy account?" Akmang kukunin ko sa bulsa ng palda iyong phone ko para i-check kung anong account ang gamit niya nang pigilan niya ako at ibinalik sa pisnge niya ang dalawang kamay ko.

"What will you do this tomorrow?"

So he's changing the topic?

"Do you like me that much?" pagbibiro ko. Hindi ko nga nagawang i-stalk siya kasi agenda ko talagang alisin siya sa buhay ko pero may gana pa siyang gumawa ng dummy account tapos i-follow ako. Hindi naman pwedeng si Renz ang magsabi, tho may possibility pero malakas ang kutob ko na hinid.

"Let's date, I'll pick you up. You said, you want to hang out but not in public then my place."

Talagang sumesegway siya. Fine! But in his house? I sweetly smile, why do I smell fishy here? But who cares? I also want it. Mukhang napansin nya ang paglalakabay ng imahinasyon ko kaya pinitik niya ang noo ko.

Magpapaawa lang dapat ako, uungol na medyo masakit ang noo ko pero sa totoo lang hindi naman talaga nang mabilis niyang dinampian ng halik iyon.

Sinambit niya ang limang letra tapos binuhat ulit ako para makababa na ako ng lamesa. Akala mo naman bata ako, I can actually jump. Hindi naman ganoon kataas ito tho, naka-heels nga pala ako.

"I really need to go."

Oo nga pala, may practice siya at mukhang late na nga. Ang tangkad niya talaga. I remember hating heels kasi masakit sa paa pero dahil Tito wants me to be elegant and have this character na mahinhin, matalino at demure I had to act. Learn to love heels, dress and such. Then Luis came, ang tangkad-tangkad nya. Ang liit-liit ko na nga, wala pa akong five ft kaya ang liit ko talaga tapos kapag katabi siya wala pa ako sa balikat nya. This is why, nagugustuhan ko na magheels, minsan umaabot ako hanggang sa leeg nya and that's cool. Tapos kanina binuhat niya ako para magkasing pantay kaming dalawa and it's cute na hindi sumasakit ang leeg ko katitingala sa kanya.

"Do your best! Take care!" Itinaas ko ang kamay para makipag-high five pero ipinagdikit niya ang mga palad naming and entangled our fingers.

"What are you doing? You want to run that much?" Gusto niya pa talagang lumandi habang may nag-aantay sa kaniyang paghihirap.

"I can run thrice the laps they did," pagmamayabang niya.

Pinalo ko naman iyong dibdib niya at kinalag ang pagkakahawak sa kamay ko. Paano ko ba siya pasisipagin um-attend ng practice?

"I won't call you later since we already spend our time here," pananakot ko.

"What?" mukha siyang nalugi habang nagtatanong.

"If you want to see me at night, practice harder."

"I can really run--"

"Then let's date now? Don't get annoyed later that I didn't unblock you, I don't have the reason to do it."

"What do you mean? We'll date and face time later."

"No, we'll face time because I miss your face but since you're here, I don't see any reason to see your face at night."

Tinitigan niya muna ako bago sumimangot. "Alright!" parang batang sabi niya.

Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit bago may tumawag na naman sa phone niya kaya itinulak-tulak ko na siya palayo kasi baka gustuhin niya na lang talagang tumambay kasama ako. He should know his priority. Kumaway-kaway pa ako hanggang mawala siya sa paningin ko.

Saturday is tomorrow, right? I should wear a swimsuit, siguro naman may pool sila. I didn't know we can move to that part earlier than I expected.

Nasira ang pagde-daydream ko nang tumunog ang phone ko. Inis akong umirap sa hangin habang binabasa ang text ni Zero na kanina pa siyang nag-aantay sa gate.

Malakas kong inihagis ang bag ko sa kanya pero nasalo naman niya agad. Kung hindi lang talaga birthday niya kahapon, natiris ko na siya.

"What did you do in 18 minutes? Let's say you walk here for about ten minutes then what about the remaining time?"

Hala? Wala pang sampung minuto kong nakakasama si Luis. I suddenly miss him.