Marz e dil ( the ailment of heart)

Scene 1: Diary Entry> Today, I am picking up this diary again. It has been so long since I gave words to my emotions...> Dadu, I miss you so terribly today. And why wouldn't I? You loved me so dearly. I keep remembering how you used to look at me and ask, "What happened, my child? Why are you so quiet today?"> "It's nothing, Dadu, just a slight headache."> "Should I leave you be?"> "No, Dadu, I just need some rest. I've just come back from college, so I'm exhausted. And you know I have so many assignments left to finish."> And you would smile and say, "Your father’s father has seen the entire world. I know my little girl is tired—go, get some rest."> How did you always understand everything left unsaid, Dadu? You used to say my father was just like me... "You take entirely after him." I would laugh and say, "Whose daughter am I, after all?" Then you would kiss my forehead and whisper, "My life, keep smiling like this. You are my greatest treasure. Sadness does not suit you..."> How safe I felt under your shelter, Dadu. Whenever life hurt, I ran straight into your arms. I wish you were here right now... Your Khaula is completely alone. Baba loves me just like you did—he lives just to see me smile. But Dadu, you knew I gave my heart away, didn't you? And what did I get in return?> I never told you back then, but the day I seemed upset, Umar had broken my heart. I never knew love could be this cruel and unfeeling. You always told me that love brings wisdom and depth... but my love has brought me nothing but torment.> Baba is calling me... I will write to you again, Dadu. You will pray for me from up there, won't you?> — Yours, Khaula> Scene 2: August 11 Dadu, Baba scolded me severely today. He looked at me and said, "You were never like this. What have you done to yourself?"Sana came over today, Dadu... and I couldn't even bring myself to look at her, let alone talk. You know I wasn't cold-hearted like this—Umar did this to me. Dadu, please ask Allah to forgive my sins... I never intentionally hurt a soul. Yet ever since Sana left, my heart has been restless with guilt. I shouldn't have treated her that way; what fault was it of hers?Do you remember how Sana and I used to sneak into your room to play Ludo with you? And whenever she was about to lose, she would pout and say, "Dadu, this is unfair! You are taking Khaula's side, that's why she is winning!"Now, whenever Umar walks past me, my chest tightens... My heart forgets how to beat. If you were here, I would have found answers to every tangled question. Writing in this diary makes me feel like I have poured my soul out to you, but you cannot reply anymore... What do I do with this silence?> I went to your room today. Without you, it feels so hollow and abandoned. I wish you had taken me with you. I cleaned every corner with my own hands today, arranging everything with the same care and order as when you were here.> Remember how whenever you asked to have your room cleaned, I would round up Sana, Zoha Api, Mariyam, and Fathi? We would all clean together, and you would sit in your armchair and say, "Clean it properly, girls! I hate having servants touch my room. Back in our day, your grandmother kept it spotless just like this."> And right after, Maa would scold me for spoiling you and indulging your habits! Aunties would scold the rest of the girls, while Mariyam would dump all the blame onto me and slip away...> Even today, Maa claims that you and Baba spoiled me rotten. She thinks this is all my fault. Dadu, am I truly that wicked that my own mother considers me to blame?> When I stepped out of your room, Umar was standing right there. Was he listening to my thoughts? He didn't even make an effort to say a single word to me... Why, Dadu? Have we become such strangers?> Your Khaula needs you today, Dadu... more than ever before.> Dadu ( grany) i remember u telling, when ever you feel u need help just go and pray 2 rakat salah and when ever u feel to hug some one take quraan sharif and keep quraan between your arms and hold it tightly because nothing is better than his company just talk to Allah and he will listen and reply .but you should have that ears and eyes to see what asked for and what he gave u .Always be grateful and lower your gaze ,never let any one destroy your peace ,may Allah bless you my child.your my world my child.never forget Allah loves you more than 70 time mother loves so always say him your problem he may solve it your the best daughter I saw my life ,You know why I kept your name khaula,not because ur grany name but the who was brave enough to fight alone the world for her imaan and deen , you are warrior to we are warriors to , never be said ,and khaula never hurt any one , because every single sin and Good deeds are between you and Allah but when you hurt someone it's no more between you and Allah what do you think when he cry Allah will forgive you.Nooo.he loves him too as you my daughter