The Man Who Cried

Chapter 4 | Part 1

[ALI]

WHAT THE hell is wrong with me? I asked myself inside my brain. Patuloy lang akong natatakpan ng makapal na mantle ng kumot ko. Iniisip ko pa rin kung ano ang pumasok sa utak ko at ginawa ko ‘yong nakakahiyang gawaing ‘yon.

Ano ang ginawa ko? Nagalit ako kay Evan bago nag-walk out papunta sa loob ng bahay nila. Ano ang dahilan? Dahil sumingit siya sa usapan namin ni Simon. I mean, if that happened while I’m talking to someone not so special to me, it would have been alright but him interrupting my talk with Simon really annoys me up until now. Even thinking it makes my teeth gnash in annoyance.

Itinaas ko ang kumot ko at inilabas ang ulo ko. “What the hell is wrong with you, Ali?” tanong ko sa sarili ko. Kanina ko pa sinasabunutan ang sarili ko para lang ibalik ako sa tunay na ako at itigil ang kahibangan ko para lang makita at makausap si Simon. “What does Simon have that you always wanted to see him and talk to him and even touch him? Are you insane?”

I heaved a deep sigh. Iba na ata talaga ang tama sa ‘kin ni Simon. It was my first time to be attracted with someone on the same s*x but it was really stronger than my affection and attraction to all those of my past flings, especially to girls. I mean, if I like boys, then what would I do about that? It’s that thinking it stresses me already. Pursuing a guy must be harder than pursuing girls, I thought.

Nag-ring ang phone ko. I grab my phone which was beside the lamp and checked who messaged me. It was my dad. “Why did he chat me all of a sudden and in the middle of the night?” I opened the message and saw his message. Even the tone of his message is really serious, as if he’s talking to a potential business partner. He told me that he can hear all my noises from the lower floor and that I should sleep already because I have work tomorrow morning.

I look at the clock on the home screen of my phone and found out that it was already three o’clock in the midnight. If I will make sure to sleep after these thoughts, I should be just early for work that will start at eight o’clock. It was all nonsense, after all. How the hell should I sleep when I kept on thinking about you, Simon?

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“MUKHANG PUYAT na puyat ka, ah?” ani Evan nang makita akong nakaupo lang sa upuan sa likod ng burol ng kaniyang lolo. Usually, we are all three friends of Evan who comes to the burial but the other one declined the invitation for the fifth night, so only the two of us came. Even though I haven’t gotten any sleep yet because of thinking about Simon, I still came to see Simon tonight. Everything about my life nowadays is about Simon, I swear. “Did you sleep late last night?”

I nodded. “Yeah,” sagot ko sa kaniya. Kapag halos wala akong tulog, wala ako sa mood makipag-usap sa kahit na sino. Kahit sa kaibigan ko pa, hindi ako nakikipag-usap. “I want to complete the whole night of your grandfather’s burial so I came tonight…” Kahit na ang tunay na dahilan kung bakit ako pumunta dito ay si Simon.

“Kung antok na antok ka na talaga, matulog ka muna kaya do’n sa kuwarto ko,” Evan suggested. I shook my head; I will not sleep until I see Simon. This is the only way I can see him and I cannot sleep knowing that I haven’t seen him yet. “Ayaw mo talaga? Sige, ikaw bahala. Iwan muna kita dito.”

And he left me alone at the seat on the backmost part of the house. I was just there, unmoved and has no energy left until I saw myself dozing off slowly and slowly. I was fighting the urge of sleeping but I was on the verge of sleeping already. Kung hindi lang dahil kay Simon, umuwi na ako sa bahay at natulog na lang.

It has been thirty minutes since my mind left empty and I started nodding off. Hindi ko na kayang pigilan ang sarili ko kaya kaagad kong ipinikit ang mata ko at hinayaan ang sarili kong katawan na magpahinga sa kung anong posisyon ang mayro’n ako sa oras na ‘yon.

Hindi ko namalayang nakatulog ako habang hinihintay ang pagdating ni Simon sa pang-limang araw ng lamay ng lolo ni Evan. Nagising na lang ako nang may marinig akong isang babaeng nagsasalita. Saka ko lang rin na-realize na nakasandal ang ulo ko sa balikat ng isang tao. I assume it was a guy since he has a broad shoulder. I remained silent as I eavesdrop on their conversation with the guy I was leaning my shoulders on.

“As usual…” the girl initiated. She has this tone that depicts a rude concept. Whoever she is, I do not know why is he starting a fight with the person I’m leaning my head on. I do not want to intervene with their personal matters so I remained my head on his shoulder, as I was also embarrassed to even pull my head up that time. “Diyan ka naman talaga magaling, Simon, ‘no?” Simon…? I was leaning my head on his shoulder all this time? How embarrassing of you, Ali? “Kapag nakakakita ka talaga ng pogi, kaagad kang kinakatihan ba? Una mo nang inagaw sa ‘kin si Evan tapos itong baguhan na naman dito ‘yong nilalandi mo?”

I can’t feel any tension on Simon’s body that time. “Ano bang sinasabi mo, Elena?” tanong ni Simon. The moment that I heard his voice, instead of being scared of what will happen, I was mesmerized. Ganito na lang talaga ata ang epekto sa ‘kin ni Simon. “Wala akong inagaw sa ‘yo. Bakit ba palagi ninyong iniisip na mayro’n kaming relasiyon ni Evan? Magkaibigan lang kami kaya kami malapit sa isa’t-isa. Sana naman huwag ka nang gumawa ng eskandalo dito bilang respeto kay Tatang Isko…”

I opened my eyes, slightly. Nakatingin na ang lahat sa kanilang dalawa. “Paanong hindi ako mag-eeskandalo? Kapag nakikita ko ‘yang mukha mo, kumukulo ang dugo ko…” ani no’ng babae. Ano bang ginawa sa kaniya ni Simon para magalit siya sa kaniya ng ganito kalala? “P’wede bang umalis ka na lang dito kasama ‘yang lalaki mo? Mahiya ka naman, sa mismong burol mo pa naisipang makipaglandian.”

“Inaantok ‘yong bisita kaya nilagay ko ‘yong ulo niya sa balikat ko. Bakit ba gan’yan na lang kadumi ang utak mo?” tanong ni Simon sa kaniya. “Ikaw nga ang dapat na mahiya, e. Sino ba sa ‘ting dalawa ang nag-uumpisa ng gulo? Wala ka naming dahilan para pumunta dito. Matagal nang sinabi sa ‘yo ni Evan…”

Naputol ang sinasabi ni Simon nang magsalita kaagad ‘yong babae. “Ituloy mo…” ani no’ng babae. Huwag niya lang talagang idapo sa kahit na anong parte ni Simon ang kamay niya at hindi ko alam ang magagawa ko. “Nandito ako para ipaalala kay Evan ang mga bagay na mayro’n ako na wala ka.”

Simon heaved a deep sigh. “Malala ka na, Elena.”

Napaangat ako ng ulo ko nang mapansin kong papunta na sa mukha ni Simon ang kamay no’ng babae. I stopped her hand from falling onto Simon’s face using my hand and faced her. “Can’t you be quiet? Natutulog ‘yong tao dito tapos ang ingay mo.” I planted my glare onto her. “I heard everything that you two have talked. Nakatulog ako at aksidente kong nailagay ang ulo ko sa balikat ni Simon, may masama ba do’n? Evan is my friend and I must say this… you are far, far away from his type of woman.”

At that exact moment, Evan and his mother went out from the door of their house and went to the balcony where we are. “Anong nangyayari dito?” tanong ni Evan, kasama ang kaniyang nanay na suot-suot ang mataray niyang mukha. “Elena, bakit ka na naman ba nandito ulit sa bahay namin?”

Hindi na ako nagbigay pa ng oras para pagsalitain si ‘yong babae. “She is starting a fight with Simon who was just being silent before she came,” I told him. I felt Simon’s gaze turned to me so I felt a bit uncomfortable… but I totally liked it, though. “She’s starting a scandal despite knowing that it’s your grandfather’s burial. Better if you’ll guide her to her way home.”

Kaagad na hinawakan ni Evan ang braso no’ng babae at saka ito kinaladkad palabas ng kanilang bahay. That girl has such an attitude when in fact, she has no reason to defend Evan and so do I have no reason to defend Simon from him.

“Ayos ka lang ba, Simon?” tanong ng nanay ni Evan kay Simon. Napatango lang ang lalaking katabi ko. “Kahit kalian talaga, eskandalosa ‘yang si Elena, kaya hindi ako boto diyan na maging nobya ni Evan, e. Buti na lang at wala rin namang interes si Evan sa kaniya. Siya lang naman ang malakas ang apog na akuin si Evan. O siya, sige na nga. Babalik na ako sa loob ng bahay.”

Tinignan ko lang si Simon na nag-iwas ng tingin sa mga taong panay ang tingin sa kaniya. “Okay ka lang ba?” ‘Yon ang tanging lumabas sa bibig ko. Parang ‘yon ata ang gustong sabihin ng katawan ko na hindi ko masabi nang diretso. “Just do not think about everything she has said, lalo na puro maling balita lang naman ‘yon.”