The Man Who Cried

Chapter 4 | Part 2

“Ayos lang ako. Sanay na ako do’n kay Elena, mahilig talaga ‘yon sa eskandalo,” ani Simon habang nakapangalumbaba. Bakit ba siya sanay na sanay na masanay sa mga bagay na hindi niya dapat nin-normalize? “Pasensiya ka na do’n kay Elena, nagising ka tuloy nang wala sa oras.”

“Ako ang dapat na mag-sorry sa ‘yo. If only I stayed awake, then she would have never argued with you,” I told him. Totoo naman, e. It was my fault that, that girl started a fight with him. “Sorry rin if I placed my head on your shoulder. It was all not planned at all. I never did that on purpose. Nakatulog lang siguro talaga ako, and that is why I am in no control with whatever my body is doing while I’m unaware.”

Ngumiti siya sa ‘kin, the first smile that I have received from him. His sparkling eyes that vanishes whenever he smiles, his pointed noise that gives more joy in his face and his smiley red lips which I think feels good to kiss; everything about his smile is just godly and it is amazing. “Naupo lang ako sa tabi mo kasi wala nang available na upuan, tapos bigla kong naramdaman ‘yong ulo mo sa balikat ko. Hinayaan ko na lang kasi mukhang pagod na pagod ka,” aniya. He’s not only visually pleasing but he’s also kind… and that fact that he helps his family earn money really turns me on. “Huwag kang mag-alala. Alam ko naman na hindi mo ‘yon sinasadya. Kung hindi lang sana dumating si Elena, e, ‘di mas mahaba ‘yong tulog mo. Pasensiya ka na dahil do’n.”

Actually, I was never mad the time that I realize I was leaning my head on his shoulder. He stops the world for me, and having my head on his shoulder produces butterflies in my stomach. “That’s okay,” the only thing I muttered despite all the words that were rumbling inside my head. I wanted to say everything that I wanted to tell him but my own mind stops me from the thought. Ayos na muna ‘to sa ‘kin. Just being close with him is good enough for me.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin at tumingin sa harap ko nang madatnan ko ang mga mata niya. I was afraid that my body would produce a blood rush the moment our eyes met. It would be corny but believe me when I say that an eye contact with someone I like really flutters me. That’s the least thing I could do when I’m with someone I like; to maintain a long eye contact.

The moment I avoided an eye contact with Simon was also the moment Evan came into the scene. Awkward kaming dalawa ni Simon kaya dapat nagpapasalamat ako na dumating si Evan para itaas ang atmosphere pero medyo naiinis ako sa kaniya na sumapaw sa eksena. “Okay ka lang, Simon?” Here we are, just two guys; a total random stranger and a childhood bestfriend, asking him if he’s okay. I totally understand how did that Elena girl misunderstood their relationship. “Pasensiya ka na tungkol kay Elena. Kilala mo naman siguro ‘yon. Hibang na hibang sa ‘kin kaya kahit na sinong malapit sa ‘kin, nagsisimula ng away. Simula bata pa ‘yan.”

“You could have just accepted her so that she’ll stop her obsession with you,” sabi ko kay Evan. It has a hint of sarcasm but I totally mean it. “If you did it back then pa, wala na sana siyang aawayin na kung sinong malapit sa ‘yo. Even your best friend suffers from your decision.”

“Hindi niya naman ‘yon kasalanan, Ali,” ani Simon. I felt soft the moment I heard him say my name. That was, I think, the first time he muttered my name. “Simula bata pa lang, pinopormahan na no’n si Evan, pero hindi siya inintindi ni Evan kasi ‘study first’ daw. At saka, halata naman sa tinginan ni Evan na may iba na siyang type, hindi niya lang sinasabi sa ‘kin.”

Evan avoided the gaze with Simon. That was the first time I have seen him avoid such gaze. He’s such a flirt when we go to bars and even kisses people, usually girls, on their first meeting. “W-Why would I tell you?” He even stutters. Natawa lang si Simon. How I wish I was the reason why he’s smiling. “It’s already getting late. Mas mabuti pa kung umuwi ka na, Simon. Dapat ka nang matulog. May trabaho ka pa ata bukas. Baka mapagalitan ka ng nanay mo at mapuyat ka pa.”

Simon shook his head. “Kaya ko pa naman,” he muttered. At the same second he finished talking, a yawn came from his mouth. Napangiti ako nang slight. He looks cute when he lies. “Hindi rin ako sigurado kung kaya ko pang mag-stay dito.”

“P’wede ka namang pumunta dito bukas ulit. Sigurado akong naa-appreciate ni Tatang Isko na bumibisita ka sa burol niya araw-araw, at walang absent pa.” Tumayo si Simon at tinapik ang balikat naming dalawa ni Evan. “Samahan na kita pauwi sa bahay ninyo.”

“I’ll come too,” I muttered, unaware. My mouth has been betraying me and tells everything that it wanted to speak. Napatingin silang dalawa sa ‘kin. “I mean… I’m bored, kanina pa. I have nobody to talk to, and have nothing to do to lessen my boredom. I also learned that you have false dating issues here, I’m here to help lessen the issue. Kapag kasama ninyo akong dalawa, walang maga-assume na may relasiyon kayong dalawa…” But the only reason I have was to be able to come with Simon to his house and see him before I leave the barrio again.

Ngumiti lang si Simon. “Hindi naman na kailangan…”

“I insist,” sabay naming sagot ni Evan. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa, iniiwasan ang tingin ni Simon na nagtataka sa inaakto naming dalawa. Evan continued on talking. “Gabi na rin, walang ilaw. Madaming ligaw na hayop diyan, at least nandito kaming dalawa para protektahan ka.”

Wala na rin namang nagawa si Simon kung hindi ang um-oo sa suhestiyon naming dalawa ni Evan. Kasalukuyan kaming naglalakad papunta sa bahay ni Simon. The lights on the posts were not fixed and does not light, that it may be dangerous for people to walk here at night. Should I pay somebody to fix these lights? I’m willing to do so, to secure Simon’s safety.

As there are no lights, Evan and I used the flashlight in our phones while Simon was between the two of us, silent and was just observing. “Salamat sa inyong dalawa,” he muttered, stopping the awkward silence between us three. “Pero okay na ako dito. Kaya ko naman nang lakarin hanggang do’n sa bahay namin. Kabisado ko naman ang lugar.”

Nanahimik ako nang tignan siya ni Evan sa mata. Halata naman sa mata niya na nag-aalala siya kay Simon, e. “Sigurado ka?” Simon just nodded his head, assuring us our safety. What can I do more? What can I say more? If he says so, then we would just let him go alone, as he wants. “Sige…” Tinignan lang namin si Simon na maglakad papalayo ng kung saan kami naroroon. I faced aback and walked initially, leaving Evan behind. “Teka lang naman.”

Ipinatong niya sa balikat ko ang kamay niya. Hindi ko siya nilingon at dumiretso na lang sa paglalakad. “Bakit parang araw-araw kang pumupunta dito sa baryo naming kahit limang oras ang biyahe galing sa Maynila?” tanong niya. Kung malakas lang ang loob ko, sinabi ko na sa kaniya na si Simon ang tanging dahilan ng pagpunta ko dito. “Ang layo kaya ng binabiyahe mo, tapos nagtatiyaga kang pumunta dito araw-araw…”

“Bakit, bawal ba?” tanong ko sa kaniya. Tinawanan niya lang ako. Nagmumukha akong rude sa nangyayari sa ‘ming dalawa that time pero tinatawanan niya lang na para bang wala lang, the usual Evan that I am friend with. “Gusto ko lang kumpletuhin ang burol ng lolo mo.”

“Wala ka namang koneksiyon sa kaniya para kumpletuhin ang araw ng burol ni tatang dito. Baka naman may iba kang dahilan ng pagpunta dito?” aniya. Hindi lang ako sumagot. Baka malaman niya pa na may gusto na ako kay Simon kaya araw-araw akong pumupunta dito. “At saka, palagi kang napapagalitan ni tito kapag umuui ka nang gabi na. Halata ring puyat na puyat ka kaya nakatulog ka sa balikat ni Simon. Puwede namang huwag ka pumunta bukas, if gusto mo…”

“Gusto kong pumunta araw-araw,” diretsong sagot ko sa kaniya. I did not have the chance to stop my mouth from spitting some words that might make me in the situation that he might know my feelings for Simon. “I mean, I insist. Whatever reason I may have, I’ll keep it to me only. The only thing I know was I want to come here every day and I’m not pushed to do it…”