The house with the blue gate

It had been a bad day… one wonders if he didn't think so at the end of a day of sales managers seeing no hopeful faces and hearing no words… From the city of Chennai, which I came with hope, I return this evening with disappointment… There was a lot of traffic in the railway station... a hundred thoughts were rushing in my head... a lot of noise... Whenever I am in a rush, I was looking around like a person looking for a place where I can get fresh air. A decently dressed white and beautiful girl… whose face was tinged with sadness or worry… she was looking around like me… For a moment... seeing me, she looked at me carefully while holding the belt of her shoulder bag... after a few seconds to make sure that I was someone she was expecting, a small smile spread across her face... Is it looking at me? I looked around me…no…not anyone else…she was looking at me…she was laughing a little more familiarly now…but not only was there no smile on my face, but there was also a look of denial… For a second or two more she stood with the same smile… I turned my face… It is when a person is mad that a stranger laughs at her... If she is someone who knows me, she will come and talk to me... Isn't this... then...? Oh...! Understood...!! One more look at her with disdain… this time her smile faded… and her face darkened with despair… The train came honking as if to call me back from all the attention… Even after entering the compartment, I noticed her for a moment without realizing it… It seemed that her face was the last look of someone who had come to send him off when a familiar person was saying goodbye forever… I didn't understand why you were thinking of me so pitifully... Once again I deliberately turned my gaze... Who is she? Even after leaving the train station, my mind seems to be going back there… why am I wasting my time just thinking about her, or some girl's smile… I turned my attention away from the strangers around and thoughts to w******p… through the statuses of acquaintances, shares and eyes and mind to another world… But every now and then the look of that girl wearing a rose-colored dress that I saw at the station came to my mind... A video clip sent by one of my friends came to w******p. A mobile video taken by someone who had come to see off their friends at a railway station… four or five teenage kids… waving and shouting at the video taker… raising two fingers and showing the victory symbol… suddenly a girl behind them ran off the platform and onto the railway track… in a moment, the train rushed with her. … The person who took the video follows the scene… The mobile slips out of my hand without realizing it… It felt like someone hit me hard on the head… The same girl I saw about half an hour ago… The same girl wearing a rose colored dress… That face smiling at me… I didn't have the courage to watch that video once again... Someone who happened to be in front of me… she… now upsets me in another way… Whoever it was and how did she do it…? Is she someone who knows me…? I started searching in memory… I wish I could remember all the faces I have seen in my 32 years of life... Her face is in my mind... But where in my life have I seen someone similar to that face, or who could be her...? Have you met...? Blindfolded and flew into the past… where…? At what time? just a moment…!! Those eyes… wasn't that her… ? Back then, the same girl seen in that house with the blue gate…? Is she…? oh god...!! The house flashed in my memory...a beautiful house with a blue gate... Beyond that gate were full of chrysanthemums… there were flowers… and then, there was her… The house that looked beautiful just because she was there... The house with the blue gate caught my attention... I noticed that house during my studies when I was traveling by bus to college which is only 5 km away from home... I don't know why she was waiting at that gate at the same time... She must have seen me... I thought of such a joke just for a joke... But it was not for nothing... It was the imagination of my mind that I wished it was like that... Because once I saw him, I felt so fond of that boy who didn't know who or what he was... But not even once did she look at me… My journey on the side seat of the bus went on for a long time, wishing that she would look at me at least once... To tell you the truth, the day after something like that happened, I wanted to see her... I wasn't even sure if she noticed me with just a casual wink... But whenever she passed my bus from inside that gate, she noticed the passengers too... Some days when I didn't see her beyond that gate, my mind would be very disturbed... One day I felt that I should get off at that stop and ask her name and get to know her... I didn't have the courage... Then suddenly she disappears… a large, locked blue gate seems to say she will never come back… In later days an unknown, unknown girl began to disturb my life very much… I was troubled by the thought of where she had gone… Tomorrow will come… I will not miss the day after tomorrow… So I tried to calm down… One day I went there and walked back and forth in front of that house and looked... no, there is no one there... who should I ask...? What are you asking for? As days passed I tried to understand that she would not come again... I felt that I should write a story where a man falls deeply in love with a girl, and finally a most painful death separates her from him… So I felt that I wanted to convey my pain to others… Yes kill her... from my mind... But I didn't write a story for you… just because I knew it would be a repetitive story… But finally it happened… in my mind she died… in my memories you are gone… Later on, the blue gate, that house and everything disappeared... there came a new house... and the people... And then one day suddenly comes, she smiles at me… a smile back from me, a renewal of acquaintance… all that, she hopes… But what was the relationship with her? Nothing...! It all just seems... It's just my imagination that someone who has never spoken in life and doesn't know can think like that... But shouldn't that happen? What if she ever listened to me…? What if she saw me today because of a moment where she lost her mind...? What if she only expected a smile from me the moment she wanted someone, something to call her back… ? If I had laughed at that moment, her life wouldn't have ended on that track...? How cruel I am to not return a smile to someone… No… I'm just thinking one by one… I don't know her at all… She's not someone I know… Took mobile and deleted that w******p video… made sure its not downloaded on mobile… Just like the girl who was standing beyond the blue gate, whom she felt close to despite not knowing, that girl whom she had seen at the railway station a few hours ago... Why do you give a place in your mind to those you don't know... Let them stay outside the gate of your mind.