Breathe

chapter two

Ashley

As I walk into the anarchic classroom,hoping no one would notice as always ,my plan goes well until I trip Paxy Diaz's backpack and fall .Then the whole classroom goes quiet ,too quiet for my liking ,"just get up already" Mrs Lawson breaks the silence and everyone starts laughing and some start to whisper back and forth while looking at me ,our English teacher,Mrs Lawson who doesn't even try teach us , it's always the same routine ,we do whatever we want until exams are near or other teachers are around . She always called me weird and acts like the rest of the pupil even though I get very good marks for her subject. She's in her early thirties but looks more beautiful than I could ever look even if I tried .She always wears tight clothes to show her well shaped body and sometimes reveals her smooth thighs ,that's when every male in this premises goes lunatic ,our principal included .That made her hated by almost every female teacher in our school .as if she cares .Her walks are always calculated ,her chin up and walks like an angel everyone thinks she is ,I do wonder sometimes if she always had this confidence,if she knew that using her body right could get her whatever she wants without taking her clothes off ,if she always knew that she has the world as her oyster for as long as she continues to dress like this and talk politely,to always keep blonde hair loose so she can tug it behind her ear when talking to a male person ,or even let him do it ,to always make eye contact with her prey . She has nice brown eyes and thin brows ,her lips are perfectly shaped and they look like she had a lip lifter even though she denies the accusations each time .Her husband is the total opposite of him .Which makes me wonder how do the two dwell so well ,he's a nice guy and I can't say the same about her ,her flirtatious tone towards the princepal goes unnoticed .I wonder if he's ok with it.

We spend the rest of period doing whatever we want and I bring out my books to study the work she's suppose to teach, after an hour the bell rings appresing us to switch classes .I put away my books and walk out lastly out of class to avoid running into Paxy, Carti walks past me and I already know where he's headed

My best friend Jay is in the hallway snuggling with her boyfriend Carti .Me and Carti don't even talk , i think he also thinks I'm peculiar,I walk towards the two madly in love teenagers.I think their relationship is surrounded by s*x and getting drunk ,that's all Jay talks about after their rendezvousing,its pathetic if you ask me-a pretty blonde girl and a serior basketball player who spends his time getting drunk or obsessing over s*x ,what a match!! As I walk down the hallway ,Paxy intentionally bumps into me ,causing me to drop all my books on the floor ,as I try to pick up the books she pushes me down, my glasses slide down my face and into the floor full of books .I try to calm my nerves ,I sit down and let the the chilly porcelain transfer the coldness from my thighs down to my spine.I ignore the fact that the hallway is full of students and close my eyes for a few minutes to feel the breeze running through my blood. For a moment my Breathing pace is going back to normal and I'm calming down ,the feeling disappears within a snap of a hand when I hear laughter near me ,before I can open my eyes ,I already know who it is ,I can simply just close my eyes and hang on to the peaceful feeling or open my eyes and deal with her once more , "she's such a mess, who the f**k made you?" Pexi says, causing her entire group of friends and particulars passing by to laugh at the comment, I open my eyes to see my surroundings ,I take a deep breath to stand up and I see what I know I would've avoided to see if I kept my eyes in the darkness.Paxy steps into my glasses I've bought not so long ago and laughs her way out with her friends,that's enough,I don't know where I got the sudden anger or gut to go to her and grab her pony tail from behind ,I start dragging her on the floor ,my eyes are full of hatred , full of evil ,I turn her around and put my feet on either side of her hands and I start to throw punches ,I think about how much I hate mondays ,how I hate lunchtime and how she always made me feel like an outsider ,how she made me feel insecure about every inch of my body ,I hate her,I hate this school,I hate my parents ,I hate the entire world and right now I surely hate the fact that she broke the only thing aside from my sanitary mask that made me feel hidden from them ,so I take out my rage in her ,everyone is screaming and taking videos but I couldn't care less,my ears are steaming ,I can't hear any of them but my inner voice that tells me to end it all,my anger grows with every second and my hands are full of blood when our security guard comes and picks me up like I'm a piece of paper and hangs me on his one shoulder like a paper bag,I start kicking ,screaming and hitting his back with my fists that are full of blood .My anger turns into a melanchonic feeling ,I start to sob when I come to the realization that this is not me ,I wouldn't have done this to anyone,I'd never enjoy seeing someone lying in a pool full of blood ,Paxy has been bullying me since the first day of high school and I've out grown it ,I've never informed anyone or confronted her ,I just ignored her in hopes that she'll get tired which she never did....until now i guess , my actions are now starting to knock it ,my mother was right,everyone was right,maybe I'm danger to my family ,I'm danger to my friend ,I'm danger to......myself. The security ,Mr T gets me into a car but the disturbing occurance is still trying to kick in that I'm not even aware who's the driver of the car or how is Paxy ,that's when I realize ......I've turned into a monster

The engine dies when I realise we parked in front of my house and the driver is my mother.I continued to cry while looking outside the window the entire way .My mother just slams the driver's door and walks towards the front door. I have two choices ,it's either I follow my mother and listen to her endless speeches she prepared for me or I can simply remain in here and wait for the familiar monster that always creeps up to me when I'm alone to eat my soul ,I decide I'd rather drown in my tears alone or even wait patiently for my friend than to give her the satisfaction.

My bond with my parents wasn't always like this ,my parents are well respected in the community.My father has a law firm in which my mother works in as an attorney ,two lovers who are committed to saving people and for parents who are intect and would go to any length to protect their reputation,they had to make sure I was perfect ,I had to fit in their perfect little world and be a good example to other children.

I spent each day in front of an iPad learning how to pronounce words as soon as I said my first.It continued for years ,I had to be perfect for them...for me..for us .

As soon as I reached my first grade I was already smarter than most of the third grade learners .While other children were out playing I was busy studying,reading books ,attending extra lessons ,it was good ,and for someone who was indecisive as me ,I didnt mind all the work .I didn't mind being perfect in everything I do.I did volunteering for my school ,participated in school plays until i reached thirteen ,until it was the thirteenth of October on a Friday night ,that's when my world was turned upside down ,when the darkness finally reaches and swallows me .