Breathe

chapter 3

Ashley

It's after 9pm when I'm awaken by crisps air causing chills through my spin. I drag my feet towards the house that was once a home .I open the door and met by my father's irate gaze and my mother's deflated expression , that's when i know I'm about to have a long night so I brace myself

"Evening father and mother "I speak quietly. unlike other kids ,I was taught to always address them in a formal manner ,despite the situation ,not mommy ,not daddy ,just mother and father

"Sit down Ashley"my father commands ,he has a very authoriantive tone ,his voice alone carries so much weight.

I take a seat across them ,it looks like I've missed dinner .Our schedule is well arranged,we eat at 7pm and sleep 8hours a day ,not more than that or less than that ;well that schedule is long overdue for me .

My father's hands are held together with his elbows on top of the glass table that screams luxury

"I'm sorry "I mutter,

"I don't know what came to me ,I should've thought abou" ,

"shut up!"he shouts and bangs the glass table before I can even finish my sentence ,

I can see the shock in my mother's eyes before she tries to hide it .

"you should know better than to act the way you acted !it's embarrassing to even look at you ,the shame you've brought into this family is beyond measure! “

" I didn't mean to gut her, she was......i was.... "I can feel a stream of tears falling down my checks ,I use the back of my hands to wipe them as fast as I can ,but they don't stop," I shouldn't have done that, but I don't regret it! She's been harassing me for the past 5 years of my life Father! "I scream, not out of disrespect but I'm actually screaming for help, I want them to see how broken their daughter is" "huney, maybe we shouldn't be so hard on her" my mom says as she brushes her husband's right arm, trying to calm her down, my mother has always lived up to my father's expectations, she's never screams, never gets drunk, doesn't snoop through his phone and always polite, they have been married for almost two decades and they've been perfect except for the time when my mother found out that my father had a son out of wedlock, but besides that, they've been.... perfect.

my father pushes her hands away "Jane have you looked at the internet? She's a disgrace! And if you did a good job as a mother then maybe we wouldn't be dealing with this right now!" he turns to face me "Now look at me when I'm talking Ashley Pile !!!wipe those tears !I will not tolerate this! Paxy's father is a very respected man whom I've been working with for the past damn eight years! I'd be damned to let you ruin what I've spent the rest of my life building "those are his last words as he starts walking upstairs, I can't hear exactly what he says as his footsteps echoes in the stairs but something along with" you better pray he doesn't press any charges ",my mother looks at me and tilts her head sideways,disapproving my actions and then goes after my father ,within a few seconds I hear their door close and I begin to weep .I sat there for almost an hour ,his words keep on repeating in my mind 'disappointment ,disgrace ,shame ' for some reason I stop crying ,I stop crying because that's the words I tell myself ,those are the exact words I get drowned in at night ,but it sounds surreal now that it comes from someone else,someone finally confirmed it ,someone outside my thoughts ,not just anyone but my own father .

I start to accelerate to my bedroom , I wonder how is Paxy ,is she alive ?Oh Lord I hope she's alive ,I won't be able to live with myself if she's not . I open my bedroom door and go straight to the shower ,I get in with my clothes on ,my hands still have dried blood and my hoddie has little stain drops of blood so I sit down with my face down and cover my knees with my arms ,I get cooped in the shower and let the cold water pour on me as I continue to cry ,I do nothing but sob ,cry about everything and cry on behalf of my parents ,my friend, school mates ,I cry on behalf of Paxy ,i cry because they don't deserve this ,my parents don't deserve to be stuck with a living corpse ,with a daughter who keeps on demolishing their reputation,their plans ,their imagination of a perfect daughter ,I'm nothing but that, irreparable,insufficient and followed by darkness.What about Pacy ,she didn't deserve this ,yes she's always been mean to me , but she didn't deserve to lie in a pool full of blood ,what about her parents ?what if they lost her?I start to feel this sudden fear ,she has to be alive ,she has to be alright ,I find myself begging God to save her ,I tell Him that its OK I'll take the bullying ,I'll take the pain ,I beg Him to take me instead . take me instead.