Amor

I Didn't Know What To Do Then, So What's Next?

This is a work of fiction loosely based on a true story.

It all started at the English Camp. Or actually, even before that. This was during 7th grade, and we were still young and naive. I had a crush on him. His name is Jamiel. I've seen him before, lots of times, and I knew how much of a Casanova he was, but I didn't mind it back then. I must've seen him go through a girlfriend or two per month, but I didn't care. I mean, he's cute, so that would be natural, right?

So, anyways, at the camp, everyone got sorted into teams through the color of the I.D laces given to them, and none of my friends were with me on the red team, and I didn't know anyone else. I was eating my food dejectedly, wondering who I'd be teamed up with when he passed by- and he's also got red! I didn't know how to feel, but it clearly lifted my spirits up. The whole time that we were supposed to work as a group, I kept staring and stealing glances at him. I can't help it, he was so cute!

The next time I saw him, we were in line. I don't really remember why, maybe for food or getting the awards, but I clearly remember what happened. I was in line minding my own business when somebody tapped me on my shoulder, calling my attention. I looked at him, and I realized it was Jamiel's friend. He pointed at Jamiel and said, "This guy likes you". Yes, he just said that. In turn, Jamiel put his hand over his friend's mouth to stop him from speaking any further. Then he spoke directly to me.

"Don't mind him," he said, before giving out a hearty laugh. I turned around to face the front again, but I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. After that was a bonfire, and I'm not going to say what happened, but know that it led to us being enemies.

After the camp, he would pass by my classroom at school just to tease me. His friend told him my full name, May Amor Plaza, and told him that I hated being called Amor, and that's what he's been calling me ever since, teasing me and ruining my day. That was before. That February the next year, though, valentines day, he did something I won't forget.

Mind, in those years, flower pens were the trend, and of course, I had some. Recess time, I was talking with my friends when I dropped my pen. That was the exact time he chose to drop in and tease me. Seeing the pen on the floor, he picked it up, then handed it to me, saying, "For the beautiful lady," then flashing an evil grin. Or was that a killer smile? I didn't have time to figure it out as I turned around and my friends were laughing at me. When I turned around again, he wasn't there anymore, so I shrugged it off and went on my normal day.

However, during class hours, I saw him again. My seat is beside the door, and I saw him holding a balloon, calling me. As it was a class hour, and the teacher was discussing in front, I motioned for him to leave, mouthing that I can't go out. He left, frowning. I didn't see him the whole day after that incident, and after school, it was the first time he didn't leave with his friends. When I asked them why they asked me if he didn't give me anything. They said that he bought that balloon for me, but since I refused him, he gave it to his girlfriend. See? He's a playboy, and I didn't know what to think of him then.

Fast forward to the next year, 8th grade. I made it a point to know his class. Don't ask me why, I also don't know, and no, I wasn't stalking him! We were sort of closer and friendlier to each other during that year. We almost always went home at the same time due to a mutual friend, whom we like to go home with. Nothing changed though, and he still continued to tease me every single day. Until that one day where he didn't come to school. My day wasn't complete because he wasn't there teasing me, so I decided to approach his friends.

I asked his friends about it, and they said he was absent. It was the same thing the next day and the day after that. He was absent for a whole three weeks. By that time, I was really worried and asked his best friend why he wasn't going to school. He said, "Oh, he's transferring to a new school,". That really bothered and saddened me, and I didn't know what to do. Of course, it was really annoying that he was always bothering and teasing me, but he kind of grew on me, you know? He was gone for so long that it reached a point where I was so busy that I kind of forgot about him, even for a short time.

Around a month later, he went to my classroom and had others call me out. I was so surprised that my mind didn't process it for a few seconds before I realized that he was waiting, so I went out. When I went out, our mutual friend (the one that I asked before about his absence) pushed me to him in a wingman kind of way, saying "May missed you, she actually believed that you were transferring," then he laughed. I just raised an eyebrow at him as he disappeared into the classroom, and Jamiel suddenly laughed out loud and said "Really? You actually thought I was leaving?" before laughing again and showing that evil grin of his that sort of looks like a killer smile. The one that I've grown used to. Then the bell rang signaling the end of recess, and I had to go in my classroom again.

On to the next year, 9th grade, he learned from our friends that I had a secret crush on him since 7th grade. Then one day, it came about that I got jealous that he was with another girl, and he learned about it and told me, "Sorry, I can't accept your love," It hurt, but it was just a crush right? But that crus ruined the friendship we built those few years. We didn't talk, we didn't tease, we didn't meet for a few months.

We weren't like before anymore. when we meet each other, we avoid the other's gaze. Although I could feel the stare that he was burning through me, asking me to talk to him, I didn't. I still avoided him. To be honest, those three months were hard, sad, and most of all, depressing. There wasn't a time I didn't think of him, and my mind wasn't at peace. After those three months came to an unexpected surprise.

We were teamed up for the student council elections, and because of that, we had to talk to each other. we did, grudgingly at first, but eventually, we talked about what happened. He told me, "We can only be best friends, for now, May. You know me, I easily get tired of relationships, and I don't want to lose you that quick. I don't want you to avoid me like what you're doing now because it hurts me too." Then he proceeded to hug me. I was really surprised, and my initial reaction was to hug back. But what I couldn't get over with was the fact that that was the first time I heard his voice sound that sad. And the question in my mind, "Why did he say it that way? It's like there's something still missing," but at the same time, it comforted me. The playboy couldn't lose the girl who was head over heels about him at the time.

After that, we were on a jeepney going home, we were both so tired that he fell asleep, and leaned on my shoulder. I didn't know the phrase 'butterflies in my stomach' was actually real, and that was what I felt then. We were back to what it used to be after that. Maybe more. We chat, we talk, and sometimes he acts sweeter towards me. He'd pat me on the head, hug me randomly, put his arms around my shoulders. It made me realize that the boy who once went through several girlfriends a month had actually changed. He was more respectful, kind, and in a way, loving. Until his birthday, when I gave him a sketchpad filled with doodles and messages (from me, of course). He was really happy about it and asked me, "Why are you leaving so soon?"

"It's embarrassing," I told him. That's all I gave you, and it's all made up. He scolded me, saying "No, it's really beautiful and you actually made an effort to do it. Thanks, May!"

And then on Valentine's Day, I gave him a box full of Fres candies (those candies with words and phrases printed on the back) and I arranged them so that the messages were in front, with the words forming a code saying "I really love you". He didn't notice it though, and his friend pointed it out. I only learned about it the next day, when I asked him if his teeth hurt from eating all those candies. He told me, "No! I didn't eat them! I'm going to keep them, you made an effort to make them!" Then he told me that his classmates were asking for the candies, but "I won't give them any, I'll keep these." That was actually touching. "Really?" I said. "I'm sorry, that was all I could afford." "So what?" he said, "You actually made an effort to do this, and that's worth more. Thanks!"

Then on one festival that we were supposed to document, we met up with my best friend, Gwyn, whom he liked at that time. Knowing I'd be third-wheeling to them the whole day, I made an excuse an left. It hurt that he was with my best friend, but I accepted it and moved on. We were out until 11 that night, and he volunteered to walk me home. Such a gentleman!

We're almost done now. Long story, eh? So 10th grade, we couldn't go home at the same time anymore. I was morning shift at school and he got the afternoon shift. However, we were both into the campus journalism (I'd persuaded him) and there was the upcoming contest and we both had training, which meant we were both excused from classes and could go home at the same time. Wiieeeee!

There's one day in our training week that I will never forget. Everyone's already left in my category, and I was on my way home when he saw me. "May, are you going home alone?" He asked. "I'm on my way to my classroom since I'm just wasting my time here and I've still got lessons I can't afford to miss," he said. told him that yes, I was going home alone, since everyone else left. Then he told me to wait, he'll just get his bag, then go home with me. I told him to go to his class but he protested.

"Don't be stubborn Amor. I'll be here in a sec." Then he went to his classroom to get his bag. When he got back, he offered to switch bags, since his bag was lighter. I politely declined, since my bag wasn't that heavy, but he said "No Amor. Don't be stubborn. now give me that bag." When he got my bag, he proceeded to ask me, "Who's your crush again? It's been so long since we talked properly like this. Now tell me the details!" I told him I didn't have a crush, and then he did the unthinkable.

"You liked me before, right?"

I just stopped, made a face, then said, "Wow, you're so arrogant, you know that? You want to get hit?"

"Just kidding, Amor"

For the whole training week, he would treat me to ice cream. He still met with Gwyn, but they weren't talking that much anymore due to some reasons, so he would usually stay with me. After the contest, on the way home, he told me, "I know you would win, May. Atashi didn't even finish his work (he was Atashi). And when I won, I got sort of cross with him since he minded Gwyn more than my award, but he quickly apologized saying that he didn't see the award yet so he didn't know I won.

When I advanced to the regionals, he would text me bidding me good luck, and telling me to take care of myself. When I got back after the regionals, I immediately went back to school knowing it was just their dismissal time. I was really tired and my eyesight was sort of blurry by then, but I looked for him anyway, and we walked home.

"I know you had an allowance for the contest. You should treat me out," he said.

"Actually, since I was the one who got to regionals, you should treat me," I said.

"What do you like?"

"Marshmallows."

I walked home with Marshmallows that day.

I still don't know what to think of the relationship, but who knows what's next?

Here's what's next. Because of our really hectic schedules, It all came to a point where we couldn't talk anymore. Zero communication. I missed him, and I could tell he missed me too. I could tell by the way he messages me.

"Amor!" he would suddenly chat. I would respond with "What? Do you need something?". Then he would reply with "You're so mean to me." "What do you need?"

"Miss you, Amor." he suddenly messaged. I decided to go with a snide remark. "Oh, I didn't know that there are things people would miss about me,"

"We don't see each other anymore. I think you're hiding from Atashi," he messaged. "No, I've just been really busy," I replied.

It was our last English camp. I thought that he couldn't go because I myself couldn't get him a ticket due to the limited slots, but he found a way. He messaged me asking if I was already at school, and when I told him I was he asked me to buy him food because he wouldn't be able to since he's at the afternoon shift. I bought him food and waited for him, looking for him during the assembly. He messaged me saying that his ticket is with his classmate and so he still has to wait before he could enter. I was relieved to see that he had arrived, though we weren't on the same team this time.

After a few of the activities, we went away from the venue for a while, away from the crowds. We were both really tired, and he decided to sleep on one of the chairs. I sat down beside his feet and he used my cap to cover his face and went still. we were just like that for around twenty minutes until I decided to go back to the venue. I stood up and dusted myself, and lifted my cap off his face. Our eyes met.

He wasn't asleep yet. I put it back immediately and said, "Just continue sleeping," I turned my back on him to go to the venue when he suddenly pulled my hand. He hugged me and leaned his head on my back. I stopped moving. Everything rushed back. all the memories, all the experiences, all my feelings. Then I heard him snoring and realized he fell asleep on me. We just stayed like that for an hour.

That camp finished with him not going home with me. I could feel that he was still embarrassed by what happened, but it didn't last. a few days later, it was raining, and he waited for me, lent me a jacket and walked me under his umbrella. Then not long after that, he borrowed my I.D to go back inside the school. He still hasn't returned it, but it's okay since I have a spare I can use. He told me that he likes the feel of my I.d around his neck.

Next year, we won't have the same course anymore. We won't even have the same school and the same schedule. I know that we might not see each other again. I just try to cherish the moments we still have.