Amor

How Do You Stop The Rain From Falling?

How do you stop the rain from falling? I wish to know. All of my friends, they've already moved on without me. Lost in the arms of their partners, never looking back. When I see them they're always together, like how I used to be. With him. I don't even want to talk about that anymore. He left me and probably has forgotten me already or at least pushed me to the deepest corners of his mind. I guess I have to tell you the story of what happened if you want to understand me.

I've known Xavier ever since third grade. He was the obnoxious class clown that people liked but didn't really care about. He wanted to make everyone laugh, and he'd always try to lighten the mood in even the worst situations. I was one of those few people he would give special attention to. He'll always try to make me at least smile. He lived only a few blocks away from me, and would often see me crying on my way to school because my parents either fought or didn't even care enough to give me food. He'd always offer his lunch to me or give me money, but I will push him away. I don't need help.

During high school, he'd be doing the same things, except for the part of trying to comfort me. He's learned his lesson. Although he was the only one who saw that side of me, I didn't want anyone else to see it. I had already learned to stop crying over things like that. My parents already divorced and I had schedules with them each week, but they still didn't care much about me. By senior year I was busing tables to get myself money for food and to save for college.

We were still friends, but being with him has always been awkward. I had friends, and I would always go to them in order to avoid him. He confronted me about not talking to him and admitted that it was very awkward after grade-school. Then he told me he liked me. More than just a friend. I didn't want to break his heart so I agreed to let him take me out.

Then the first date came with a second, and a third, and a fourth. By the fifth date, I was in love. He would take me out to movies, to the bookstore, stargazing. He would tell me stories about himself, about his family and all that. I fell in love with more than just his looks, I fell in love with his personality. His parents were rich and had a really strong pull with the school, and they didn't approve of us. My parents didn't care. I asked him one day why he always stayed with me, why he always made me happy.

"It's pretty simple, actually. I saw you for yourself. Yes, there were those days when you'd be crying because of your family, but that didn't stop you from being the kindest person in the world. You always helped Denise with her homework and the lessons she keeps missing. You greet everyone with a smile on your face trying to put up a facade, but I know you. I saw that kind, fragile girl that was hiding inside. And then that was when I decided, I'd be willing to risk everything to make you happy. I'll risk it all for you; my parents' disapproval, my grades, you name it. I just want to protect that girl." He answered.

I was at a loss for words, of course, but I appreciated it. We got closer and closer to each other, but his parents' disapproval was still evident. One day they gave us a decision.

"You leave that good for nothing girl, or we'll have her expelled from the school. I heard her dad is a drunkard. You don't want to associate with her." His mother said. and so he had to go. He was given a choice. He has to leave and go far away or they'll get me expelled. Of course being the kind person he was, he chose to follow his parent's wishes. He left in order for me to stay in school.

"Please, please. Don't leave me! It's alright if I won't be able to study here anymore. I can always go to a new school. Or maybe I'll continue busing tables until college. We'll be able to think of something.anything. Just don't leave me," I pleaded. "I just can't take it if you left. You're the only one that ever makes me happy anymore. You're the only person that I felt actually loved me. for what I am and for what I can be. Please, don't leave me,"

"I- I can't. You have to study, to reach your dreams even if I'm not here. I'm sure you'll be able to find someone else-"

"But I want you! Nobody can ever replace you! I love you!" I exclaimed, the last part barely a whisper. He smiled weakly.

"I love you, and don't worry, I made a deal with my parents. I'll leave, and not only will they let you stay in school, they'll send you money for college," Then he turned his back and left. He left me. The only source of light in this darkness of my life. My knees felt weak and I fell to the floor, on my knees. Then I felt something warm trickle down my cheek. No, I swore I'd never cry again, so why am I crying? No! I can't! I- I can't do this.

It's been what, ten years? I already graduated college after my hard work busing tables, and the fund his parents gave me. I'm sure he has forgotten me already, but I can't shake him from my mind. I've never had anyone else after him. Everyone else I see has someone to love, someone to take care of them and to take care of. I'm alone. I live alone, and I still won't have anyone after him.

I love him too much to let go easily. The darkness I had before, the one he shined his light on, just grew. It swallowed me whole. I still functioned, but it's as if I lost my soul. And the tears won't stop coming when I remember him. So tell me now, how do I make it stop? How do I keep myself from crying? How do you stop the rain from falling?