Thoughts Around You

I was Happy

I was happy when I met you. I never thought there'd be someone who could understand my thoughts, my silence and my mask. No one before you understood that I cannot always deal with people. That sometimes, I need to have my personal space, that I need to be alone or else, I would shut down. You understood my depression and anxiety. You weren't just there to say that, 

"It's okay, be strong, you can do it." Instead you put your arms around me and asked me, "What can I do make you feel better?" And you didn't know how you lifted off that heavy feeling in my chest. For the first time, finally, there was someone who could understand me.

It was you who made my walls shift, little by little until it created a space to let you in. You made me learn how to trust, how to jump when there's no safety net, how to have faith. You made me see the world in a different perspective, you made me see reality. You made me see that the Universe does not only makes us depressed and hopeless, it also gives us a chance to be happy. It gives us unlimited possibilities and almost always, it's only are insecurities and fears that tie us down. It was you who made me realize that I can do better because I deserve better. You made me see my potential, you made me see who I can become. You helped me unfetter myself from the chains of negativity. You gave me hope.

I was happy that you were there when the sun hid behind the clouds and angry rain poured down.

I was happy to share that umbrella with you.

I was happy when it flew away and we'd have to run to avoid being soaked. But in the end, when we finally found shelter, our clothes were wet and the coldness started to seep in. I was scared at first, because what if when finally see the real me, you'd run away. Water stripped me of my pretentions that make me seem like the golden girl and underneath it all I was just average. But you stayed. You weren't disappointed. I was exhilarated. Because for the first time, there was someone who managed to stand the coldness inside me. There was someone who wasn't dissatisfied to see the real me. You held me tight, and I was happy, because your heat gave me comfort and safety. You became my security blanket. and with you, I know I can wither any storm. With you I can finally be myself without doubts, without fear that you will leave.

I was happy. And when I fell for you, it was beyond words. I have prayed and hoped that someday you would also feel this. That someday you would be able to see how wonderful it is. You said you didn't believe in love. And I was happy to hear it, because that only means I can you show what love is. I held your hand and led you to light because I want you to know that love means you can depend on me. That love means, I got you, wherever, whenever, always and forever. 

I wanted to do to you what you did to me. I want to give you hope, to let you know I see you. That I accept you and that even you show me your monsters, I'll be there to accept it. 

And I was so happy when you said you're inlove.

I was so happy for you that I wasn't able to feel the tears roll down as I watch you fall inlove for someone else.

She was pretty, she was kind, she was everything that you deserve to have. 

And even though my heart feels like it's tearing apart, have faith because I am happy that you finally believe in love.