INNOCENT DESIRES

My heart is beating so fast. I can’t believe it! I knew I was meeting him today, but I still couldn’t believe my eyes. I never thought I would be able to see him again after so many years of longing and yearning, but he is here now. He is right here in front of me. Andy is just a few meters away from me. As he slowly approached me, I smelled a familiar lingering scent I hadn’t smelled for a long time- the aroma of his timeless yet powerful perfume that used to tickle my senses whenever I sniff it off him. The same perfume that knocks me off my feet whenever his body comes near mine. While a few feet away from approaching me, He fixed his hair to the side by flipping it carefully with his hands and smiled as he greeted me. “Long time no see, Ellie,” he said in his deep voice. Then he reached out to embrace me with his strong, broad shoulders, and all I could think of was how his deep voice didn’t change at all. It was the same voice I remember that comforted me when I needed comfort way back then. This was the same voice that told me everything would be okay when my world was falling apart. And as I slowly remember our times together, I felt my heartbeat slowly rising. He looked at me and then he slowly tucked my hair behind my ear and gently whispered, “I missed you, Ellie.” I felt a tingling sensation all over my body as he embraced me a bit tighter. I felt how his warm body pressed against mine. All my emotions flooded me. I wanted to reciprocate his warm gesture but my body froze in amazement. “I missed you… So… Much…” He added as he slowly closed his eyes to kiss me on the forehead, and at that moment all I could feel was my heart beating so fast. “Uhh…” I was utterly speechless… and astounded. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him too but I was totally at a loss for words. “Ahm…” I mumbled as my thoughts flew while I was composing myself because I didn't want to look dumb in front of him. After all, it has been 10 long years since we last saw each other. I wanted to jump up to him and give him the bear hug I used to give him when I was still the naughty little girl that kept bothering him. But I chose not to. So, I just closed my eyes and hugged him back. I wanted to feel his warm body against mine and savor his soft lips touching my forehead. I was secretly wishing he would kiss me on the lips, but he didn’t. And as I slowly opened my eyes, I could see his smile… the same smile that made my innocent heart flutter like a crazy butterfly feasting on a pollen-filled flower 10 years ago. Everything felt the same - my heart still beats a thousand times around him. Andy is here, and he's holding me so tight in his arms, and boy, it feels so good. Trying to relax, I mumbled reluctantly, “Ho… how are you?” as I shyly looked away from him. I was trying to hide the myriad of all kinds of feelings in my heart. I am excited about seeing my first love again after so many years yet scared that things will go sour again. Ecstatic about having the possibility of a reset and starting anew with him but sad about all the times we have lost forever. I wanted to hold him longer, yet I felt the need to let go. “Hey, “ Andy slid his hands on my arms and held my hands gently as I slowly let go of him then lifted them to his chest. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” He asked as he lifted my chin so he could look me straight in the eye. "Aren’t you happy to see me again, Ellie?” he asked with genuine concern on his face. For a moment, I turned my eyes away because I was overwhelmed with so much joy that tears started to well up. I kept asking myself as I mustered up all the courage in me. “What am I gonna do? What should I say?” I whispered to myself. I looked at him again and saw how fine lines have started to appear on his face. I remember marveling at his face when I was still young and naive. His angelic face that I long to see every day ever since he awakened my senses and became the object of my passion. He has definitely aged over the last ten years, but he still looks so damn good. Finally, with shaking hands, I slowly touched his face and asked, “Is it really you, Andy?” He closed his eyes as if feeling my hand as I gently touched his face ever so lovingly, “Yes. It’s me, Ellie. This is me.” he answered. At that moment, he smiled at me and led me to sit on a picnic mat he had prepared for both of us. “Come, let’s sit there and catch up." I have been waiting for this moment for so long. I almost gave up on the hope of ever seeing him again after that fateful night that separated us and changed my whole life forever. But now it finally happened, and my heart is almost popping out of my chest. As we draw near the spot, I was greeted with an exquisite view of the valley, made alive by the magnificent blue sky as its background. I saw the beautiful picnic spread he had prepared for us - some steak, fresh salad, and a lovely bouquet of tulips. All of which is reminiscent of our fascinating moments together. Even though we have spent so many years apart, I can vividly remember the first time I met Andy. I was my innocent 13-year-old self. Back then, we had just moved into the small town of Riverview because our parents wanted a fresh start for our family. Our parents decided to move to Riverview because it was located at the mountain top where the weather was usually sunny but the breeze is always cool. They bought a house on a mountain slope overlooking a magnificent river. “We’re here! Welcome to our new home!” Dad exclaimed Mom, Brian, my older brother, and I excitedly entered the house, ready to explore each room, but we were awe-struck when we saw the view from our new terrace. “Dad! Is that a river? Can we go there to swim? Can we? Can we? Please, please, please!” I shrieked in total excitement as I jumped up and down in front of him. “Yes, my darling. That’s a river- and no, no one is allowed to swim there.” he made clear. “Where’s my room, Dad?” Brian asked. “There are two rooms upstairs, You can choose whichever room you please,” Dad explained. I followed Brian to check out our rooms and as we explored our respective rooms, Mom and Dad snuggled on the couch. “This is it, Honey. A fresh start for all of us. I am hoping we could spend more time with the kids now." Mom said sweetly to Dad. My dad was an Engineer and our mom was an entrepreneur. They both had promising careers in the city but decided to relocate to focus on our family. It felt like I was in a new world completely unfamiliar to me. But I welcomed the change with a cheerful heart. Brian met Andy at his new school. They were both six years my senior. Brian used to say he automatically connected with Andy and became close in no time. Even then, Andy already exuded a calm and confident demeanor. He was tall and had a very lean body, and his hair was always neatly combed to the side. He liked wearing his black jacket and he always had his hands in his pockets. He always wore that sweet smile beaming with genuine happiness. “Ellie! Come down here! I want you to meet someone!” Brian shouted from downstairs. I slowly made my way down the staircase, almost dragging myself. “C’mon! Ellie! What’s keeping you?!” Brian said in frustration. “Yeah, yeah. I’m coming” I said as I turned up behind him, while he was sitting on a chair in our living room. “There you are! Ellie, meet Andy. He’s my schoolmate and a very good friend.” He said as he grabbed my hand. "Andy, I want you to meet my little sister, Ellie.” He continued as he grabbed Andy’s hand as well. “I hope you both will like each other, and buddy? Please treat her like your own sister.” Brian said while he clasped my hand and Andy’s to shake hands. Andy bowed down so he could look me in the eye and said, “Hey, Ellie! You’re such an adorable, cute little girl.” then he caressed my hair like I was a puppy. “Yeah, whatever,” I said in a stern voice while I moved my head away, and ran up to my room. “Ellie! Don’t be rude!” Brian sounded very angry because of the way I welcomed Andy. “Leave her, bud. She’s just a kid.” I could hear Andy calming down Brian. Despite my childish tantrums, Andy has always left a good impression on me. He was always soft-spoken and patient with me. No matter my mood, he was always calm and never truly angry. As a child, I was very aloof and timid. I used to stay inside my room for days on end. I am used to playing with myself because I wasn't comfortable going outside to play with our neighbors. I didn't have a problem being around people, but I preferred being alone and by myself. That’s why I don’t like meeting new people and entertaining guests. However, seeing Andy almost every day has made me more accustomed to his presence. As days turned into months, I became more and more comfortable around him. As Brian and Andy became closer, they would take turns fetching me from school, if they couldn’t together. He was a real stunner, so I became the talk of the town when he first fetched me from school. I can still remember how he would hold out his hands to hold mine as I headed out of our school gates, and I could still feel how his strong hands would hold mine ever so gently while we walked. The first time he fetched me alone, I overheard my classmates talking amongst themselves. “Hey, do you see that guy outside our school gates?” One girl said. “Who? The tall and handsome guy over there?” Another one asked. “Yeah, He’s cute! I wonder who he is.” yet another added. As I looked out from our classroom window, I realized they were talking about Andy. They were all giddy and excited looking at him, while I feel so proud knowing he was actually there to fetch me. I kept quiet hiding my smile until the school bell rang. Walking down the hallway, down the staircase going towards the school gates, I kept on overhearing my classmates buzzing about who the mysterious, handsome guy was outside our school. So when Andy took my backpack from me after I exited the school gates, I heard them call out my name. “Ellie, you didn’t say you know him. Is he your brother?” asked one classmate “Yeah, is he your brother? Can you introduce him to us?” another one suggested. I just turned around to look at them and smiled as Andy and I started to walk away. “What was that? What were they saying?” Andy inquired “Oh, them? They were just curious and wanted to know who you were. And how am I related to you.” I smiled as I replied to him. “I see. So what did you tell them?’ “Hmmm, Nothing. I just looked at them and smiled.” I said “Hahaha. You’re such a silly girl.” Andy laughed. We continued walking as he took my hand and held it gently. It felt so good walking hand-in-hand with a handsome guy like him. From then on, my classmates would alternately ask me about him and would look dreamily at him whenever he popped outside our school to fetch me, with or without my brother, Brian. Maybe even Brian felt how I became comfortable around Andy that at times, he would tease me that I loved Andy more than him because I wanted to hold Andy’s hands more often than his. “Seriously, Ellie? I think you’d prefer Andy over me at any given time now. I am hurt.” Andy said looking heartbroken and distraught. “What? What did I do again?” I said in my defense. “You’d rather hold Andy’s hands than mine now. I think you love him more than you love me. That’s unfair, my dear little sister!” “Hmph! Shut up, Brian! You’re being too annoying now,” I said with a very frustrated voice. “LOL! Give it up, dude! You always prank your little sister!” Andy would then start a little boxing fight with Brian and they would continue being silly around each other. By the time I was 14, they were already best buds and almost inseparable. Andy hung out in our house almost every day, after school. As much as I felt annoyed by his presence, constantly seeing him, made me open up myself to him in ways I would never imagine.