Elana's sinful love

chapter 19

I shut the door behind me throwing myself onto the bed. I squeezed the pillow hard and cried...and cried until there were no more tears left. Mv eyelids were heavy, and I drifted to sleep.

I woke up in the morning, with my head heavy. My heart was pounding hard. I

could not move. I felt so full of regrets. I could not face them. What are they going to think about me?

I crawled out of the bed and managed to walk to bathroom. I was limp. I looked into the mirror, and I barely recognized myself. I needed to pull myself together.

I dressed, pondering what to do. I realized that I needed to leave.

And to leave in an instant. to vanish...that was what I wanted.

I gathered my few things I've had and folded them neatly into a pile. I took out the bag and placed them inside. I looked around the room and decided to snatch one of the pictures displayed on the dresser. I wanted to remember them as they were my first for everything.

I ripped a file from my notebook and wrote a resignation letter.

With tears in my eyes, sobbing, I explained them my reasons for leaving.

They both deserved someone better, not someone who cannot be loyal to one.

I told them how much I cared for them and how much they weight into my heart. How much I needed them but then is not fair to want them both.

And the fact that they were brothers made things even worse. I did not want them to hate each other or to fight for me. I did not want all of that.

I just wished them all the best and to move on with their lives.

I placed the piece of paper on the pillow, and I left without looking back.

I could not go home as I was still traumatized by the latest events, so I decided to move with my mom for the beginning. I needed to start over, to rebuild my life, to forget about them.

My mom sensed that something was not right, but she did not pressure me to tell her what happened.

She was very thoughtful. She waited for me to be ready to open myself in front of her. But I could not. I kept all for myself.

I just tried to focus on different other things.

Two months have passed and I managed to convince her to sell the flat we owned and buy a smaller one, as that one was too big for both of us. With the money I was left, I wanted to further my studies.

I decided to apply to university. I wanted to become a nurse... to be able to help people in need. That was my dream...well kind of...

My dream was to be Neurologist but then again, I knew what involved that.

Even though the money were enough to pay the fee for at least three years, I knew I still had to work full time while studying as my mother was not able to help me with the living expenses, you know... With bills and stuff.

I knew that to become a doctor I needed to dedicate all my time to studying. That was not my case. That is why I applied for a nursing programme and got in with no problems. I supposed to start in January.

It was the end of September and I had plenty of time to sort things out until

then.

I was lucky my mom managed to find a decent flat 10 minutes' walk away from

UNI. It just needed a little bit of paintwork here and there which we managed to do ourselves.

I was happy because it was opposite town where the other flat has been. It was far away from them. There were frail chances for us to cross paths here.