All that you deserve

Please don’t shut me out

Katlyn 

 I sat in the bath tub for a long time, dazed. I  could not think, could not feel… I just felt numb. 

“ Kat food is ready.” Jamison said outside the bathroom door.

Jamison.. Jamison is here in my apartment.. Wait Jamison is here in my apartment. That jerk me back to reality. I got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around me.

“ Coming... “ I called out.

 I heard his steps moving away from the door, I cracked the door open and peeked outside. When I saw that it was all clear  I rushed to  my bed room and got dressed; as I was about to join him in the living room. I started to realize that there is no way Jamison should know where i live. I felt panic.. What am i going to do? Should I go confront him?  How did he get my number? My address?

“Kat I know you have a lot of questions and I will answer them.. Just come out and eat  please? Stop panicking, I will never hurt you, ” Jamiosn yelled from the kitchen.

How did he know I was… taking a deep breath I opened the door and walked towards the kitchen. And there he stood, back turned towards me. I forgot how beautiful this man's back was….

He turned to face me and my breath hitched he was so beautiful, and I can’t help but wonder why he was here…? Why is he interested in me? At the hospital he didn’t even say two words to me,but here he is in my apartment .

“ How did you find me?” I asked , breaking the silence.

 He smiled then walked to the kitchen counter and grabbed two plates filled with food. He gestured  to the couch and said, “eat  and we will talk.” 

I took the plate and walked to the couch sitting down to inhale the aroma coming from the food.My stomach embarrassingly rumbled, he chuckled.

“ I guess I am hungry.”  I said with a small smile. 

We sat eating in comfortable silence for about ten minutes, before he said, “ I called your job and asked for your contact information. I know it is stalkerish, but I just don't know. After seeing you at the hospital, I was mad at myself for not talking to you more. So I used my pull at the hospital and got your information. Please don’t freak out. I just had to.. I had to…” 

Placing the plate on the center table I turned to him and looked at him. I studied him for a while before I said anything. Call me crazy I was not mad at what he did, but I was concerned about why he did.. Confused even. I took a deep breath and whispered” Why?”

He turned to face me and said, “ I just had to talk to you and a part of me knew you wouldn’t take my mother's invitation into consideration.” 

He was right, I wasn’t going to go.. Why would I? I have work tomorrow and  i dont have the privilege of taking it off, especially now that my brother isn't in my corner;I need the money. I don’t know why Jamison wanted to see me again and am not sure I wanted to know. Jamison scares me because  he makes me feel safe and protected, which is crazy because i just met him like two hours ago. What's even worse, Kevin proved to me that I am not safe, not protected, and not wanted. I was just the person who gave and received nothing, loved and received nothing…..  Craved and received nothing. It's crazy because a part of me still hopes that Kevin, Dad, or Mom would just pick up the phone right now and tell me  I'm wanted. 

“Kat please say something.” Jamison said.

“ I don’t Understand why?” I replied

Before he could speak I continued, “ I don't understand, why you needed to see me.. why you are here right now… what so important about me..? I am not important… I am a nobody.. I have nobody.. I am struggling to stay… to stay.. I can’t J.. I can’t”  I finished crying. 

He reached and wiped my tears with his thumb, making circular motion on my cheek he said, “ sorry but I hate seeing you cry. I am sorry that I invaded your privacy, but I had to reach out to you. I wasn’t planning on coming to your apartment, I just wanted to invite you to dinner again. But, when i heard you cry I had to get to you… and you are somebody and  you will never be alone… you have me and soon my mom.. My friends… we just met but trust me on this. You don't have to tell me anything right now, but I want to know I want to help.” 

“I… “ I tried to say, but couldn't get anything out. I was lost of words. It's crazy cause I believe him, am scared because I believe him… and I want to tell him everything, but am scared.

“ Listen… i know i am coming on strong.. Don’t think about it right now..eat and sleep and tomorrow after dinner we will have a discussion. I am going to go and leave you,I have to get back to my office. I will tell you anything you want to know. I will pick you up at five pm tomorrow.” he said.

“ I can’t tomorrow… i have to go to work especially since I missed today”  i replied 

“ You don't have to go back to work until Monday. I called your manager. You have until Monday with pay. I will call you later… try and get some rest..” he said getting up. He placed his plate in the dishwasher, putting on his jacket he came towards me and kissed my forehead. I stared at him unable to say anything; how can he render me speechless. 

“And Kat please don’t shut me out.. I know you are scared but we will figure it out…. Answer my call later and get some rest.” he said closing the door. 

I sat there so confused yet intrigued. I should be mad about the way he got my information, that he entered my apartment, but I am actually thankful that he came because I felt myself slipping. I felt myself sinking into the darkness, but he came just in time. I want to believe him… but my life experiences have taught me that I can’t trust too easily.