Just Like Heaven

I don’t know why I had chosen St. Joseph’s church for my wedding day. Perhaps I wanted to return to my childhood town near Long Island. Or maybe I wanted to say goodbye to my old haunting memories before moving on with my new life. But deep down, I knew that the real reason was the hopes of seeing him again.       Seven years has passed since the last time I have seen him, yet I still remember every little thing about him; from his red hair and his blue eyes – which carried beautiful dreams within them – to his freckles and the way a dimple appeared on his right cheek whenever he laughed or even smiled. Each time I close my eyes, I can still hear his voice, reminding me of what it felt like to be eighteen and in love again. But even when I endure to keep him away from my thoughts, the red-haired boy still manages to find his way through my dreams.       So I suggested St. Joseph’s church to my soon-to-be bride for our wedding day, thinking that if I could see him one last time, I could finally move on in peace.   It’s the night before the wedding and it is pouring rain outside my hotel room. I always found the sound of the raindrops meeting the ground soothing, but nothing seems to ease my mind tonight as I keep pacing around, my mind racing and my heart throbbing mercilessly against my chest. But my messed up thoughts are interrupted when I hear a knock at my door.      “Come in,” I say wearily, stopping by the window and gazing outside.      The door opens and I see the reflection of my mother through the window as she walks inside, a light smile planted on her lips. “How are you doing, Edwin?” she asks me softly, but I don’t even bother to turn around to look at her.       “Fine,” I answer shortly.       “Well, I just wanted to check up on you,” says Mother, looking at me apprehensively. “It’s already nine, you better go to bed. As the groom, you’ve got a long day ahead of you.”       I say nothing.       So with that, Mother mutters a small ‘goodnight’ and closes the door once more, leaving me alone with my thoughts, my mind far away from that small hotel room.       With a miserable sigh, I start pacing around again, running my hands through my hair anxiously. I knew it was now or never. There was no going back. I had to see him tonight.       As if I’m no longer moving under my own control, by that thought, my legs start carrying me toward the room’s door and I open it, walking outside. I was in such a rush that I didn’t even remember to take an umbrella with me. I just run out of the hotel, hoping to God that I wouldn’t run into any one of my guests on the way.       “TAXI!” I yell after a yellow car as I reach the main road, already soaking wet from head to toe under the rain. The car stops in front of me and I promptly get inside, telling the driver his address. I’m shocked myself that after all these years, I still remember it so well.       The ride wasn’t going to take more than ten minutes, but it seems like hours to me as I nervously look outside the car’s window, my eyes searching for the ever so familiar house. But my stomach gives a sudden lurch as the car finally comes to a stop in front the home I know he used to live in.       So paying the driver, I hesitantly get out of the car, but don’t dare to move forward as my eyes are glued on the house. The taxi has gone for minutes now, yet I still stand here motionlessly, as if I’m oblivious to the rain pouring on me.       My racked nerves are in a state that nothing can soothe them as haunting thoughts wander through my mind. What if he has moved away? Or worse, what if he is still here, but ends up slamming the door in my face, after what I did to him seven years ago?       But just then, something happens that drags me back to reality; it is the sound of a piano, coming from inside the house. As if enchanted by the breath taking melody, my feet start carrying me toward the door, and that’s when I hear his voice, singing to the tune; it is still beautiful, and it still sounds magical. At this moment I come to realize that I have heard that same song before, on the first day we met.        I reach out to ring the doorbell, but stop myself. I want to wait until the end of the song. I want to hear him sing one last time.      But my heart sinks when the song finally comes to an end. I take one last deep breath, my heartbeat speeding up and my mouth going dry. So mustering all the courage I have within me, I ring the bell.       My breathing has gotten so rapid and loud that it muffles out the sound of the pouring rain to my own ears. For a second, I even consider turning on my heels and running away, thinking that this was a bad idea and regretting having come here in the first place. But I come to a halt when after a long pause, the doorknob starts twisting.       I hold my breath, I’ve stopped blinking, and then the next moment, the door slowly swings open, only to reveal a freckly boy with red hair behind it, his dreamy blue eyes illuminating under the house’s dim light.       The boy stops in his tracks, his eyes widening at my sight.      “Ed…?” he whispers.