The Ones She Left Behind

Chapter Sixteen

I love you. 

Maggie pulled her head away from Topher’s chest as she studied his expression. A look of surprise lit up her own face. As many times as she had told him she loved him, he had never said it back.

“Y-you love me?”

Topher nodded as his hand moved from her waist to her cheek. “It’s time for me to be honest with you, as well as with myself. I’ve had these feelings for you for a couple of years now. I know I can’t be with you, but I needed to tell you that.”

I love you, too.

The words popped into Maggie’s mind before she could say them. The arm around her waist tightened, and she could feel his love surrounding her.

You shouldn’t. 

Maggie frowned. You’re my hero. You deserve all my love.

Topher’s arms fell to his sides as he pulled away from Maggie’s embrace. “I think this is enough for now.”

Maggie folded her arms. He had only pulled away moments ago, but she already missed their connection.

“Why do you deny yourself happiness?” she asked. “If you want me, take me. I’m all yours. I never want to be without you again.”

“You don’t belong here, Maggie. Not yet.” His expression returned to his usual cool indifference, but the intensity Maggie had seen moments ago still lingered.

“I belong with you,” she said. “I felt how much you love me. No one is going to love me as much as you do. No one is as good for me as you.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m dead, Maggie.”

“Why don’t I get a say in this?”

“If you choose me over life, you’re going to regret it,” he said. “Maggie, I kept you alive. I want to see you live.”

“But, maybe that isn’t what I want. As a human, I’m weighed down by a body that’s been broken and abused. Unless I have you acting as my bodyguard, I struggle with living day to day. With you, I can be free.”

“Someday, you’ll be okay. You’ll live a normal, happy life. You’ll meet someone and get married. I know you want a family someday, but you can’t have that with me.”

“You are more my family than my own parents ever were,” she said. “I just want to be with you. Nothing else matters.”

“If you choose a life with me, you’ll regret it. I know what it’s like to have regrets, and I don’t want you to have any because you chose me.”

“If I go back to my body, I’ll regret not being with you.” Maggie’s gaze trailed down to his lips. “And, if I don’t do this now, I’ll have another regret.” She stepped closer to him until she was almost touching him. 

Maggie placed her hands on his shoulders. She pushed up onto the tips of her toes, but then she felt her feet lift off the ground until her face was at level with his. She thought he would have stopped her, but his expression was a mixture of surprise and longing. His thoughts were unreadable.

Without another thought, she pressed her lips against his. His arms found her waist once more as he deepened the kiss. She felt their connection once more, but it was stronger now. She felt his love surrounding her, but it was also mixed with despair and longing. For so long, he had wanted this. All his past yearnings for this moment came to the surface, and Maggie hoped he could feel her love just as much as she could feel his.

Suddenly, Maggie started to see flashes and images of moments in time. She saw the memories through Topher’s eyes. He stood  in a protective stance in front of an adult woman as a man slapped him across the face. She saw him with the same woman sitting on a bed, holding each other. Tears ran down the woman’s face, and Maggie could feel Topher’s sadness as well. She felt his anger when he came home from school to find a different woman leaving his home. When the original woman walked out of the house with a suitcase, she felt his relief but also his sorrow. 

As they continued to kiss, Maggie felt herself falling deeper into his memories. She wanted to know all she could about his human life, which he had kept secret from her until now. But, when she felt Topher struggling as the man tied his limbs to a bedpost, she knew she was going too far. She knew how he had died, but Topher had seemed adamant about keeping the way he died a secret from her. Before she could break the connection, she felt his arms tighten around her, and then she was swept up in his memory. 

As Topher continued to struggle against the man, his vision started to fade, and he had trouble staying alert. When the man had secured all of his limbs, he grabbed a gas can and poured a trail of liquid from Topher’s bed to the door before disappearing from Topher’s line of sight. Topher continued to attempt to free one of his wrists, even attempting to bite it, but he was already losing consciousness. 

Moments later, he smelled something burning.  He continued to fight against the ropes, but his body felt weak. He saw the smoke rolling up the stairs from the hallway. Topher’s struggles became weaker as smoke filled his lungs, and soon after, he could no longer keep his eyes open. As the flames drew closer to his body, Maggie could even feel the searing pain as the flames started to burn his flesh.

The memory cut off as Topher pulled away from the kiss. Maggie's arms trembled as she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to regain her control.

"Maggie, what's wrong?"

Maggie couldn’t meet his gaze. “I just saw everything. How you died. Your dad’s a***e . . . I saw your mom leave you. . . I’m so sorry.”

“How did you see that? You shouldn’t have been able to unless I showed you.” Topher’s jaw clenched. “I thought I was blocking you.”

“Everything felt stronger,” she said. “All your emotions were coming through stronger than before.”

Topher gritted his teeth. “What else did you see? I could feel how upset you were getting, and that’s why I pulled away.”

“I saw how you died.”

Maggie wasn’t sure how he expected to react. She thought he would be angry, but his expression didn’t change.

“I never wanted you to know about that,” he said. “I didn’t want you to know that I had been unable to protect myself. I didn’t want you to think I wouldn’t be able to protect you. I never would have let something like that happen to you.”

“I know that. Topher, you’ve always protected me. You never failed to protect me even once. Knowing this doesn’t make me doubt your ability to protect me. You were just a child. You would have still been my hero.”

“I’m glad you didn’t find one of my other memories.” His expression hardened. “Maggie, I don’t think we should do that again, especially if I can’t block you.”

“Wait, what?” Her eyes widened. “Topher, you can’t be serious.”

“There are things I really don’t want you to see. It would change the way you look at me if you knew. You wouldn’t think of me as your hero anymore.”

“I know that isn’t what you really want.” Maggie’s hands clenched at her sides as her voice rose. “I felt everything when we were kissing. You wanted to do that for so long. I know you still do. You kept pulling me closer because you wanted to feel more of my love. Don’t try to deny it, Topher. I knew everything you were feeling just as much as you know what I was feeling. You should also realize that nothing you could do would change the way I feel about you. You’ll always be my hero.”

“You don’t seem to understand what I’m capable of. What I did during your date was nothing compared to what I could have done, or what I have done.”

“Nothing you’ve done will make me love you less,” she said. “Whatever it is, I can handle it. But, don’t let this secret be the reason why you never kiss me again.”

Topher locked eyes with her. “Are you really sure you want another kiss from a murderer?”