Dear Somebody

Chapter Seven

    I wake at six-thirty the next day and make my way down to the kitchen to start breakfast. I don't expect to see Ace and Landon at the table considering they're usually the last ones to wake up. Usually the smell of bacon gets them going.

    I shuffle my way to the coffee pot ready to start the first batch of the day, but it's already been made. It's also still very hot.

    Something smells funky.

    I turn around and lean back against the counter, "Alright, out with it."

    "Are you sure this is a good idea Harley?" It's Landon that speaks up, while Ace sits brooding.

    I sigh and uncross my arms, "Yes Casanova I really do."

    He smiles, "But how can you be so sure?"

    I bite my lip, trying to come up with the best way to explain to these men who have been there through literally everything, why it's okay to let Dalton back in.

    "I guess I just do. He can't hurt me if I don't let him and DJ is so excited to actually get to meet him that I can't just tell him no because we're all uncomfortable with it. That's not fair to either of them."

    "It doesn't matter what's fair or not to that asshole." Ace snaps his chair squeaking against the tile as he stands.

    "If you don't like it, you can leave."

    "Seriously?" 

    He growls at me, like it might make me back down.

    I stand straight and get directly in his face, "Yes Ace! If you can't understand the fact that DJ wants to meet his father that's on you. You had to have known it would happen sooner or later."

    "I just thought-"

    "Thought what? That you would be enough? I'm sorry but you aren't." 

    He goes to walk away but I grab his arm and spin him to look at me, at least as much as I can considering his size.

    "Just like I'm not enough Ace. Don't you get it? We're not enough because we're not his real dad. I understand that you take care of him and love him and I'm sure he does to. But he knows your not his father. If we keep them apart he'll resent us when he's older."

    "So just tell DJ the truth."

    I sigh, "Don't you think I have Stud. He knows his dad hurt me and he knows why he left. He still wants his father and I refuse to hold him back if Dalton is willing to step up."

    "Dalton knows I'm calling the shots right now. One wrong move and it's done Ace."

    "Do you still love him?" Rascal walks in and takes a seat at the table as well.

    I cross my arms again, "What does that have to do with anything?"

    "Don't get snippy answer the question."

    "None of your business James."

    "That's a yes."

    I huff and walk back to the coffee, "Whatever."

    I don't turn back as I speak, "If this is bash on Harley day you all can leave. Whether you want to see it or not I'm doing what's right for DJ not for me. Yes, I still love him, and yes, I always will. Because what I had with Dalton always defied the laws of anything. It consumed me from that first f*****g letter and never let go. I had to deal with that, not you. We worked it out together and you guys have been there for me and I love you so f*****g much it kills, but DJ is my son. I created him with Dalton which makes him DJ's father, if you don't like my choice f*****g leave."

    I walk to the fridge and fling it open, causing all the bottles on the door to shake, "And don't come back till your normal again. I don't want to do this on my own but I f*****g will if I have to."

    I start searching through the fridge, definitely louder then necessary till I find all the ingredients for breakfast. Then I move on to the cabinets, searching and clunking everything down on the counters.

    Honestly I'm just trying to hold back tears. I don't want them to leave especially because we aren't living together anymore. The one thing I refuse to let happen is let someone tell me what's right and what's wrong.

    Chairs scrape against the floor and I finally let the tears fall, I'll get through this like I always do. It's nothing new honestly. I try hard not to be a cynic but you can't help but think everyone leaves eventually.

    "Stand up love," It's Landon, the only guy to ever call me that. Even when I was married.

    I shake my head and keep my face pointed towards the floor. I haven't full on sobbed since the night Casey was born two years ago, but I can feel it coming now and I don't want to let it happen.

    Landon sits down next to me and pulls me into his lap.

    I flippin lose it.

    I sob big wet nasty tears right into the mans shirt. Once they start there's no stopping them. I tried holding it together, tried to be strong and show that I could handle Dalton being back. The truth is, I've been demolished since yesterday. Seeing him again, brought the hurt back ten fold and I've been holding on by a fish line.

    "I'm sorry Harley." It's Ace running his fingers through my hair, choking on his words.

    It brings me back to that first night, when Ace came running through the condo door barking nonsense into his phone.

    Jackie sat and cried with me, then Ace. We curled up on the kitchen floor just like this. He'll never admit it but he shed a few tears too.

    "I'm not trying to hurt anyone," I hiccup and swipe at my eyes angrily. "All I want to ever do is what's right by my kids. If that means stepping out of my own shoes and putting myself in theirs then so be it."

    The kitchen goes quiet.

    "If he tries to get Casey I'll gut him."

    I can't help it.

    I burst out laughing and turn to Rascal who is sitting on the floor next to Landon and I.

    "I knew you f*****g loved her."

    He shrugs, "I never said I didn't." 

    He looks down and rubs his thumb across the tattoo on my wrist. It's an anchor with a old school key through it. It's my homage to all of them, even Dalton.

    "I know I'm not as in her life like I am with DJ but she's still belongs to us."

    "The first thing I think of is what is right for the kids. It would be the same for you, if I didn't want you here you wouldn't be here."

    I wipe at my eyes again and lean back to look at Landon's honey-brown eyes. 

    He winks.

    I laugh.

    All is good. I hope.