Inseminated By Mistake

Arya Montenegro I sit on the bed, unable to understand it. My gaze rests on the negative result of the pregnancy test once again. This time, I am so bewildered. I have tried everything, and I no longer know what to do. Treatments, injections—no matter what I do, each test comes out negative. I have lost count of the number of times I have done this. My heart breaks, and my eyes fill with tears that continue to flow. The few tears my body can produce from the many times I have cried. I feel like none of this makes sense. I've lost so much, and no matter how hard I try to build a family with Arturo, destiny insists on denying me that possibility. Sometimes, I feel guilty. Maybe I shouldn't have paused after the death of my parents. It's not easy being an only child and also feeling the pressure to start a family. It seems that word was taken away from me with the tornado in Florida last year. Since then, I have felt so alone. This pressure, the desire that Arturo and I have to become parents, has driven us apart. I can feel the door open, and his gaze lands on me without any empathy for my tears. The look I give him upon his entrance is met with accusation and reproach, making me feel guilty for all of this. "Calm down, I'm not surprised. Maybe if you rested more instead of being glued to your drawings, you would already be pregnant," he says. I watch him, lowering my gaze in anticipation of the impending argument. This argument has become routine for both of us, and I am tired of it. It seems that he doesn't care about the years I have dedicated to him and the fact that I have given up everything to fulfill this dream that we both share. I have become a prisoner, spending 24 hours a day drinking tea and taking medications. It is so selfish of him, his aggressive way of throwing his portfolio on the couch and slamming the door as he leaves. It lets me know that it will be another night where he will drown himself in alcohol, as usual. That motivates me to get up, and angrily, I walk towards the trash can, throwing away the test that is burning my hands. I try to calm myself, wiping away my tears when I see him return to the room, very angry. He takes hold of both of my arms and shakes me like he has never done before. “You're good for nothing.” I feel my head spinning and my chest tightening in fear of his gaze and his tight grip. “This food is disgusting. You can't do anything right. You can't even get pregnant. I'm sick of you.” “Arturo, for God's sake, what are you doing? Let go of me, you're hurting me, my love. Let's talk... Aaaa...” I feel my body suddenly slip from his hands and rest on the bed, giving me the opportunity to react to what just happened. “What are you doing?” I express fearfully as I see him take his clothes out of the closet. his actions are confusing. he has never behaved this way with me. we've been together for 5 years and it's disturbing how he takes his things without even looking at me. “God, noooo! What are you doing, Arturo?” I gather courage and get up from the bed, standing between him and the closet, trying to make him look into my eyes, trying to show me that it's just a momentary anger, but his gaze is no longer the same. This starts to despair me and I hold his chin so he can look at me. “Don't do this, my love. Please, Arturo, I love you. I love you so much, please.” My body trembles and I try to stay strong. I hold him and kiss him, wanting to remind him that I still love him despite everything we're going through, but he rejects me. his lips don't move, this scene is empty, without heart or emotion other than my soul shattering under his actions, he walks away from me and his gaze settles on mine in a way that makes me feel his determination. “I can't go on with this, Arya. I'm leaving, it's over.” His words don't register in my mind. my God, I've given everything in this relationship. I've given up my career as a designer to dedicate myself to him. I even left the company my parents left me to make him happy. We've been married for five years and have been in a relationship since we were 15. he's the love of my life. how could he do this to me? I've only been his and his alone. “No, no, what are you saying? Are you leaving me? For God's sake, Arturo, I beg you. if it's because I can't get pregnant, we can go to the doctor. get ourselves checked, my love. Let's get treatment.” His gaze fills with anger and he mocks me in a despicable way. “I've already told you. you're the sick one here, Arya. I'm tired, I'll look for what you can't give me somewhere else. Honestly, you're tainted. I won't go anywhere. I'm not the problem, you are. That's why I'm leaving you.” He walks away, not caring that he's destroying me with his harsh words. He takes some documents out of his briefcase and hands them to me. “Sign it, don't delay. my lawyers will get in touch with you. Don't expect anything more than this house. The company is mine and I won't share it with you. Be content with what I'm leaving you. It's enough for you after all the bitterness you've given me.” I look at him and my pain grows. who is this man in front of me? I can't recognize him and the way he pushes me aside breaks me. “You've planned it all. You've been wanting to leave me for weeks, you son of a b***h. You've put me through so much, miserable selfish person. I've given you everything, Arturo, everything. You mock me, you play with me, you're leaving me with nothing. You discard me as if I were worthless.” My anger starts to rise from within me, and I hit him hard. I hit him, trying to make him understand my pain. He's killing me, killing me slowly and without any regard. He slaps me, throwing me to the ground, where I stay trembling as tears stream down my cheeks rebelliously. I tremble for him and for this tearing me apart. His proximity fills me with fear. God, he hit me. My mind struggles to process it until I see the drop of blood fall onto the document I still hold in pain. “Look at me, Arya. I didn't mean to hurt you. Listen to me, it's over, it's finished. Don't make things harder. Sign it, do it now, and I swear you won't see me again in your life. Just look at yourself, you're no longer the woman I fell in love with. You're always dirty and poorly dressed, always smelling like medication. I no longer feel any attraction to you. You must understand, sign it…” I remain motionless in my place, unable to move. “DO IT, END THIS, ARYA.” His screams come accompanied by a pen. I can't see it; I simply fear for my life. I take the pen and sign the first three pages. I move, and without reading anything, I take the folder and from it, I take out the rest of the documents, stumbling upon a positive pregnancy test—the final blow that I didn't expect. The name of the document is so clear that I can't help but look at it—he's cheating on me with his secretary. This undoubtedly ends me. “Don't ask, you weren't supposed to find out like this, but it doesn't matter anymore. I told you, I'm not the problem—you are, Arya. She is a whole woman. She has given me everything that you can never give me. Now, don't waste time and sign. This is no longer worth it. I have a family now—the family that you could never give me. What did you expect? That I would stay by your side with all this baggage you carry?” “Arturo, I thought you loved me?” “You said it yourself, I loved you. But in the end, I discovered that what I felt for you was not love. I became obsessed with your body. I created that illusion, and now I just discovered that I don't love you. Don't hurt yourself anymore, just sign, Arya. Come on, don't waste any more time.” I'm dying, yes, but I'm trying to find a bit of dignity deep within my soul. I don't know where I lost it, and I look at him for a few seconds. He picks up his things without a doubt. He's determined, he knows what he wants, and I'm not in that world. I take the documents, and as best I can, I get up. I sit in front of the nightstand and lean on it to finish signing my death. At this moment, I feel lost. I don't know who I am, and I try to pick up the remaining pieces of myself, but I don't have the strength. The documents are snatched from my hands, and ironically, I cut myself with the paper—a burning wound that no longer hurts. Like I said, at this moment, I feel dead. I can't help but let my gaze slide over him walking. I see him leave the room and walk away without looking back. It still seems unreal to me, so much so that I have to get up to confirm that he's gone. And without a doubt, I see his car driving away from our house. What used to be my home has become my tomb, where I cling, settling on the cold floor that becomes so warm and comforting. *** Two weeks later The darkness has blinded me. I can't see the light, and I feel lost. I hear Gloria's desperate steps, screaming my name from the hallway. Her slow steps turn into fast ones, and I hear her run into my room, which she opens. I can barely recognize her. My throat is dry, as well as my soul, and the light blinds me, tormenting me with its brightness. “ARYA, ARYA, AMIGA.” Gloria approaches and hugs me. I could say that her desperation makes me feel that there is still someone who cares about me. “God, Arya, friend, please, talk to me. Arya... RODRIGO, RODRIGO, I FOUND HER.” Her brother's presence is noticeable. With her strong grip, she holds me in her arms, and unable to resist it, I get lost, fading away in her arms at Gloria's last words. “Let's go, we have to take her to a hospital.” Three days later My body aches. It feels so heavy that I can hardly move. I'm trying to blend into the environment around me. The white walls and the nurse next to Gloria let me know that I'm still in the hospital. I can barely feel my lips—they're as dry as my throat. I'm trying to speak to the nurse, but the words simply won't come out. It feels so frustrating. So I move a little, pressing the button next to me that grabs the attention of both women, who immediately approach me eagerly. “Arya, you woke up!” “Miss, don't move. I'll call the doctor. Don't worry, you'll be fine now.” Those words come out of her lips so confidently, while I feel my soul lost. “Take this, Arya, drink it. You need it. Don't worry, the doctor has come and said you'll get better. We'll soon be back home.” *** Five months later It has been five months since I was discharged from the hospital. Since then, I have been living with Gloria in her apartment. I don't have the courage to go back to that house. I can't forget everything I experienced there and the way I left. I can't imagine where I would be if my best friend hadn't taken me out of that place. I feel so lost that only drawing comforts me. It's the only thing that makes me get out of bed. Now I live off the little that Arturo has left me. I take part of my inheritance. He took everything he could from me, but that has served me to learn. Perhaps it hurts so much to believe in the lie that is love, that false feeling for which many of us do things—even give ourselves so much that we don't realize we have no limits. We are capable of anything for that person, without realizing that we give more than we receive. It is a big mistake to think in such a way. I blame myself because I think I gave everything to Arturo, imagining a great love story like the ones portrayed in novels, about a feeling that is overrated. I could say that I have analyzed it so much and have come to the conclusion that it doesn't exist. One could never love someone without feeling self-love—the pure love that Arturo took away from me over the years, and that I allowed him to. That is why I am willing to start over. I want to find myself, get to know myself, and give myself a chance in this empty world that surrounds me and opens the doors for me to start anew.