Wanting to be Loved

Who would have thought at fifteen years old I would be at a burial site, watching the one person that loved and adore me be buried. I'm left to say goodbye to my mother today. For the past seven years it's only been us. She has been the only person that I could rely on, and knew loved me unconditionally. Now with a tear stained face I have to accept that she is no longer here with me anymore. My mother was a nurse here in Arlington, TX. She was on her way home from her shift late at night, and while going through the green light a car ran the red light and hit her. The police found out that the guy was drunk. My mother died on the scene that night, the drunk driver made it out with only a few broken ribs and scratches. During my mother's shift I stayed with Mrs. Robinson, our next door neighbor. She woke me up with tears in her eyes, and told me the news of my mother. I set flowers on her grave, blew her a kiss, told her I loved her, and said goodbye. Mrs. Robinson was there to take me home. I'm unsure about what's going to happen to me now that she is no longer here. Once we made it to my home we notice a black Mercedes with black and red interior parked in front of the house. "Do you know who that could be Layla?" Mrs. Robinson asked. "No ma'am, I've never seen that car before" I said. We parked, got out of the car, and while walking up the stairs I saw the person that I never thought I would see again. My father Logan Anderson. My father was my mother's heart. They met sixteen years ago at a little cafe while he was on a business trip from New York. He owned a few high end hotels and restaurants in Texas ( Diamond Suites and Emma's). He walked up to my mother and introduced himself as Raymond Anderson. They spent the whole day together getting to know one another. He told her that his restaurants, Emma's, were named after his mother who passed when he was young. According to my mother she fell in love with his green eyes. She said they reminded her of a beautiful forest. He would fly back and forward from New York to Texas so they could spend time together. A year later I came along, and I was giving my father's last name, because she thought one day she would be his wife and she thought I was his first born. We were a happy little family, and I was daddy's little princess. On my eighth birthday he proposed to my mother. She said yes, and he promised that he would make arrangements for us to move to New York. He never kept that promise. A couple of years ago my mother went on a hunt to find my father. She searched for a Raymond Anderson everywhere, but no one knew a person by that name. She even went by his restaurants and hotels that she knew he owned. She found out through management that the owner name was Logan Anderson, not Raymond. She went home and searched Logan Anderson up on the computer, and true enough his picture popped up. She realized he lied about a lot of things to her. He lied about his name, which was Logan Theodore Anderson. His mother was never dead, and Emma's was named after his wife. She came to know that he married his high school sweetheart and they had a set of twins, Alex and Alexis, who were sixteen. My mother was heartbroken, but it answered all of her unanswered questions. She would always ask about meeting his father and siblings, but he was full of excuses. She finally had the answer why. He already had a life with someone else, and I was not his first born. My mother, Lola James, was a heartbroken woman. She cried for a few months, especially when she would look at me. I was the spitting image of him. She never dated anyone after my father, and still wore her engagement ring even after finding out the truth. Looking at my father now I am angry, hurt, and confused. How could he show up after seven years? He broke my mother's heart, and she left this world without an explanation or apology from him. "Hey Layla" my father said. I couldn't speak. All I could do was stare as if I was studying his face. He had a few wrinkles, grey patches on the sides of his jet black hair, his green eyes were still dark like the forest, he gained some weight over the past seven years but it suited him, and he was still as handsome as ever. Mrs. Robinson finally broke the silence and spoke. "Hello Mr. Anderson. It's been a long time. Not sure if you remember me, but I'm Mrs. Robinson. I live next door." She finally nudged me to speak. "Hello dad" I said. He got up and we stepped inside. "What brings you here Mr. Anderson?" Said Mrs. Robinson. She already knows the history of my mother and father, as well as his lies and deceit. He stops from looking around the house and answers "I'm here because Layla is my daughter, and I know of the death of her mother. I'm here to take her back to New York with me. After all I'm her only living parent. She is my responsibility." For some reason that pissed me off. "You want me to pack up and leave everything I know to be with a person that abandon me seven years ago. How would that work with your wife and kids? Now my mother is no longer here, and now I'm your responsibility. I'm not going anywhere with you. You lost your chance of being a father when you left and lied to us." I noticed the shock expression on his face of me knowing about his life in New York. Before he could respond I ran upstairs as fast as my legs could run and slammed my room door. I fell on my bed and cried like a two year old baby. A few minutes later there's a knock at my door. "Hey sweetheart, it's me, can I come in?" Said Mrs. Robinson. "Yes ma'am" I said. She came and sat next to me on my bed. She rubbed my reddish brown hair, as always whenever I'm upset. She waited a while before she finally spoke "You know I forgot how much you resemble your father. You are his spitting image. You have your mother's beautiful curly brown hair, but everything else is that man in there, even those beautiful green eyes that your mother fell in love with. Your mother would be proud of how strong you have been this past week. As difficult as it is to say goodbye to you, you have to go with your father". I looked up from my pillow with a confused expression. "Why should I have to go with someone who wanted nothing to do with me these past seven years?" I asked. "Sweetheart I know you're upset, but he is your father and he has a right to take you with him. He is your only living parent now, and you must go to New York with him. You have a chance to get to know him and his family and have the bond you guys once had, and whenever things get difficult you always have me to call on. I'll leave you to think about that, and I'll make dinner." She got up and left after that. I thought about everything that Mrs. Robinson stated. I even thought about all the times we spent together, watching movies, and him taking me to the park. My mother would sometimes get jealous, because we would leave her out. There was a huge part of me that yearn for the relationship I once had with my father, to be daddy's princess again. There was still part of me that was angry with him and afraid of how his family would see and treat me. I'm the product of an affair, even though my mother was lied to, I still can never trust how they would react to me. I got up and changed out of my black dress and put on a pair of grey sweats and a white t-shirt. I gathered myself and made my way back down stairs to face my father, plus I smelled Mrs. Robinson famous spaghetti. Mrs. Robinson saw me coming in the kitchen while her and my father were at the table. She acknowledged me and he turned to look at me. It seems so surreal to see him after all these years. "I'm making spaghetti, take a seat and joins us it will be ready in a few" she said. I took my seat and while sitting I felt a pair of eyes on me, green ones to be specific. "I forgot how much you look like me." he said. I forgot how deep and soothing my father's voice was, but the hint of anger in his voice didn't go unnoticed either. All I could do was give a slight nod and a smile. "Listen I know that it's been seven years, but you are my daughter and I have the right to take you with me. You can't live here by yourself and you're my responsibility" he said. "Does your wife and children know about all of this?" There was that surprised look on his face once again. "Mom and I found out about everything a couple of years ago. We know that your name isn't Raymond, but Logan. We know that both of your parents are very much alive. We also know that you married your high school sweetheart and have a set of twins. She also found out that Emma's isn't named after your dead mother, but after your wife. My mother wanted answers to a lot of questions and she got them." He looked shocked that we found out everything, but there wasn't any remorse for lying and leaving us without an explanation. Mrs. Robinson finally brings us food and there is a few minutes of silence. He finally answered my question. "My family isn't thrilled about the whole situation, and for the past week my life has been hell at home, but I have to still man up to my responsibilities. They know that I am here to come and get you, and I would be lying to say that they are happy to meet you, but we will make it work." After that there was complete silence. We ate our spaghetti and after finishing I spoke. "I know that I'm not of age to live by myself so I will go to New York with you and work on our relationship. I'm willing to put all of this behind me and start a new." He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm glad to hear that then, I'll be staying at my hotel for the weekend. That will give you time to pack and say your goodbyes to friends. We leave at 9 a.m. Monday morning" he said. He said his goodbyes and thank you and left. I watched him get in his car and I thought to myself how he isn't the father I use to know. He wasn't comforting, apologetic, or even remorseful for everything that has happen. He seemed angry, maybe because he had to tell his secret. He gave me the feeling that he was here because he had to be not because he wanted to. I'm going to keep an open mind about all of this, but something in the pit of my stomach tells me to prepare for the worst. "We should start packing your stuff Layla" Mrs Robinson broke me from my train of thought. She helped me pack all of my personal belongings and I found my mother's favorite necklace and put it around my neck. It was her birthstone that my father gave her for her birthday. I kissed it and sat on her bed. My mother was a neat freak. She never left without everything being in place. I couldn't help but shed tears while looking around in her room. I also grabbed pictures of us, and her favorite perfume. I went around and said my goodbyes to everyone the next day. It was during the summer so school hadn't start just of yet. I even visited my favorite park that my mother and I came to just to walk and talk. I took a visit to her grave to give it one last kiss and have one last conversation with her. I told her everything, about my father showing up and now I have to move in with him and his family. I told her how afraid I was to be going to a different state and school. I was also worried about how his family and friends would treat me. I promised her that whatever came my way that I will remain strong and I won't break. I just pray that I have the love from my father that I once had. Monday came around faster than I thought and my father was there on time. Mrs. Robinson was there to send me off. She told me she loved me and whenever I needed someone to talk to to give her a call. She hugged me, one of those mama bear hugs, and went to her home. I looked around and said goodbye to the life and home that I've known for fifteen years. I have to start another journey in life without the one that gave me life. We get in the car and head to the airport. I look one last time with a final goodbye and never looked back again. I'm heading to a new journey in life. It could be a heavenly bliss or a life from the pits of hell. I just pray that this a fresh start for me and my father. Were we are able to start where we left off.