Alpha Varkon’s Human Antidote

3| PAIN

ZEPHYRA

I didn’t remember stepping away from the window.

One minute, I was there, pressed against the cold glass as I broke in silence. The next, I stood at the door with my hands midair about to punch the doorbell.

A shaky breath passed my lips as everything came crashing in at once, shuffling between thoughts and emotions.

A part of me wanted to give it a chance, walk in there and let him say something, anything that would make it hurt less.

But then, there was a voice at the back of my head, telling me a truth I didn’t want to accept.

You don’t belong here anymore, it said firmly.

My fingers still hovered midair as I heard their groans and moans from the other side of the door, a lot louder than before, like they were meant for me to hear. My stomach dropped with a violent twist as my heart broke a thousand times more.

Run, a voice rang at the back of my head.

This time, I listened.

I turned, not caring about the tears that blurred my line of sight or the cold air that stung my now exposed shoulders. I just ran. I didn’t know where I was going, and I didn’t stop to think about it.

I just needed to get away. I needed to get away from that door, away from the scene that plagued my mind, away from the muffled sounds that rang like bells in my ears. Most of all, away from myself.

Each step was heavier than the last, but I didn’t slow down. My chest burned and tightened painfully with every breath I took and the thoughts that flooded the back of my mind.

The farther I got, the louder the voices and the more flashes in my head became. I thought distance would make me forget, but the scene stuck with me.

The sounds they made, the image of both of them, the way he didn’t even try to stop while holding my eyes.

A sob tore through me as I wrapped my arms around myself mid-run like I could hold whatever was left of me together.

“I’m so stupid.” My voice broke with every word that left my lips. My vision blurred completely from the hot tears prickling down my cheeks. I could barely see where I was headed, but I didn’t care.

I deserved this.

That thought settled deep with every step I took.

The first drop of rain hit my skin, and then another until it wasn’t drops anymore. The sky broke open, and I didn’t even try to cover myself.

What was the point?

I was already exposed, seen and rejected.

A sob left my lips as I slowed down when the weight of everything came crashing down on me.

The rain mixed with my tears, washing over my face, washing off the makeup that had taken us hours to lay. The rain hit harder as minutes went by, wetting every inch of my body; it drummed against the ground heavily, but it wasn’t able to drown out the voices at the back of my mind, the sound of Cillian and her.

It replayed in my head over and over again even if I didn’t want it to be so.

That moment hurt me badly. I thought it would be easy to forget about it and just move on.

It wasn’t.

I clutched my chest when my legs finally gave in. I stumbled on my feet, dropping to my knees when my legs felt too heavy. I barely registered the impact of the storm raging or the water soaking me up.

I didn’t move. I couldn’t.

“I tried. I did everything—” I whispered, still clutching my chest because the ache was severe.

All this while, I had hoped that I could make him love me. I had put in so much effort into us.

“But he didn’t choose me.” The wet strands of my hair fell over my face when my head dropped.

My shoulders began to tremble as I sat there drenched, shaking and completely numb.

For a moment, I tried to make myself feel something. I tried to pull myself together and just move on.

The best part of me couldn’t. For five years, he was the only man I knew. Even though I knew it couldn’t work out with us, I still hoped that I’d be the only one.

Cillian had said I’d be. He promised.

But he went back on every promise, while I held on to them with my life.

The rain poured harder, the lightning struck, yet none of them were enough to make me get up and head home. I didn’t even know how far I was from home.

I was rooted to the spot for so long that a shiver ran down my spine and my teeth began to chatter. My brain began to register everything right then.

The cold, my shattered heart, and how I needed to just head back home and forget all about Cillian. It wasn’t as easy as said.

My hands pressed weakly against the ground, summoning the last strength I had left in me to push myself up. My legs trembled as I forced myself to stand.

I just couldn’t stay there. A sharp breath left my lips as I took a step forward, my shoulders felt heavy like there was something weighing me down. I paused to look at the sky despite the rain.

“Why wasn’t I enough?” I waited for the heavens to give an answer. Just anything that would anchor me, but instead the rain splattered down my face, which made me scoff before dragging my feet away from the spot I had been on for hours.

My thoughts were too loud to notice anything around me, but a horn rang over and over from a distance. Well, I thought it was until I felt a heavy impact on my thigh.

For a split second, everything slowed. The rain, to the horn, and then I was flat on the floor with pain spreading over every nook and cranny of me, so much that my eyes were too heavy.

“What have you done?” I heard someone say. I could hardly make out his face before everything went dark.