A friend

Many things can happen within a day, or even within weeks. For me, it was you. A year ago I would've said it was impossible. We did everything together, and maybe that's what made us so close over time. Friends should always stick together even after the end; so why haven't you stuck with me? I get I can be childish, but we were childish together. This feeling is so tiring, it's like a constant hole digging deeper into your bare chest. Or maybe I've just felt this way for too long. I don't mean to be useless, but I never learned how to be useful. Everything I do is just a reflection of someone else. You said you understood that. you lied, you lied to me. I can't count how many times we've talked about things of our past; things we haven't told others. I might just be being childish, but I've lost too many friends to not be. I thought we were going to stick together until the end, but I guess you just meant the end of my time. I can't keep doing this alone. it's always been the same, and I'm so tired of it. When I said it felt like a hole, I wasn't telling the whole truth. It does feel like a hole. But not just one in your chest. it's there when you sleep, even worse when you can't. It's there when you eat. But it's not just in your chest. It's in your legs as you walk, threatening to break down and give up. It's in your arms as you try to find the strength to pull yourself up. It's in your head as you try to do things that others consider important. It's in your throat as you try to ignore the lump from having to talk again. It's in your feet as you try your hardest to pull the weight of your own soon to be cold body. But there's no use in complaining. You really are nothing compared to everyone else. You can tell yourself that it's because of your past, but in all honesty it is just you. It's just me.