Nothing good about goodbye

Maria’s POV I was walking through the hallway of my apartment when I passed a bunch of girls squealing, “What are you wearing for Jason's birthday tonight?” a busty blonde amongst them asked one of her friends, making me stop in my tracks. There was only one Jason in this apartment, and that was my boyfriend. Why would he host a party when I was not informed? “I don't know yet but I do know his friends are trying to make it a surprise.” Oh, that makes sense. I contemplated on asking them for the location but I was sure I was going to end up getting embarrassed by them. I was sure it was going to be held in Martin's basement. That was the location for all the parties they held. A gift. I had taken my time to craft something similar to Master Lee's masterpiece which he loved as his birthday gift. Besides, I couldn't afford to miss his birthday. I looked at the time and it was already past 4. I didn't have time. I hurried to the mall and picked up some wrapping paper and a box, and rushed home. At the last moment, I decided to wear the white sundress that Jason loved on me. It accentuated my curves and looked good generally. Pairing the dress with white lace-up sandals and a beige Saint Laurent leather shoulder bag, I applied mascara, and lined my eyes then spread Maybelline nude lipgloss on my lips. I twirled happily in front of my full-length mirror upon completing my look. The thought of Jason complimenting me brought butterflies to my stomach. My Uber had arrived and I got to the location. The party was already in full swing when I got there. The dim, golden lights reflected off the crystal glasses of champagne and shimmering cocktail outfits. The air was filled with the laughter of Jason's friends and the chit-chats of other present guests. I held onto my gift box and stood by the doorway. Taking deep breaths I adjusted my dress with trembling hands . Not a single pair of eyes in the crowd turned my way but what else was new? The familiar feeling of being invisible came upon me. Reminding me of all the other parties I had attended with him that always had me feeling out of place. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how perfectly I dressed, smiled, or laughed at the perfect moments, I never seemed to blend with them. I remembered those moments: dinners where I sat quietly as conversations slipped past me, outings where the group excluded me in subtle ways, and birthdays where I carefully chose gifts that always ended up discarded with polite indifference. Each time, I told myself to try harder with the hope that one day, they would finally accept me. I scanned the room and realized he wasn't there. I called his phone and it went straight to voicemail. In the end, I chose to just drop him a text. Minutes zoomed by, and it already felt like forever since I got there. I struggled with the feeling of unease within me as I scanned the room again, my chest tightening from within. The more minutes went by, the faster my heart pounded against my rib cage. I squeezed my phone in my palm as I shot him another text: Where are you? I glanced occasionally at the screen of my mobile. Yet, still no missed calls, no replies, nothing. I tried to dismiss the wave of unease and worry but failed miserably. I could feel myself on the edge of panic. Where was my boyfriend? Don’t tell me he planned to miss his own birthday party? And then I remembered that this was supposed to be a surprise event… However, Jason's so-called friends looked perfectly at ease, laughing away while I was on high alert, my mind racing. My anxiety seemed irrational in contrast to their calm as if I was the only one that felt something was wrong. A voice broke through my thoughts, “Why isn’t he here yet?” I looked up, startled. It was one of his friends—a sharp-featured man holding a half-empty drink with curiosity in his eyes. “M-maybe something urgent came up...” I stammered, my voice barely audible. “He’s probably on his way.” But the uncertainty in my own words made me look away awkwardly. Brandon, one of the guys in Jason's closest group of friends, looked at me with a mocking glare, and raised a skeptical brow. He walked towards me and the tipsy stranger who had questioned me earlier. “Why are you asking her?” He scoffed. “She wouldn’t know.” My cheeks flushed red from embarrassment. But then, he was right. I didn’t know… Brandon then turned and addressed the crowd, “He went to pick someone up but he’ll be here soon.” I swallowed hard, the humiliation settling deep into my chest. I was supposed to be the person closest to him, yet I knew nothing about where he was or who he was with. Meanwhile, the conversation around me started afresh, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again. That’s when the front door swung open, and he came inside. I felt relieved, letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding… until I saw the woman who was clinging to his arm. My breath hitched. She was beautiful, radiant even, with long waves of dark hair and a dazzling smile that lit up the room. His friends flocked to her instantly, their faces lighting up with excitement. “Amanda, you’re finally here!” they exclaimed, throwing their arms around her in warm embraces. Suddenly, I stood frozen, watching helplessly from the sidelines. I realized then that no one acknowledged me when I arrived. And now, I know why… Amanda was Jason's first love. The woman I’d heard about for years. The one who, if fate hadn’t intervened, would still be with him. His friends had never been subtle about their opinions about her either. They were always comparing me to her, going as far as showing me her pictures and now she is back! I pushed through the gathering, finally finding the courage to approach Jason. With a small smile, I held out the gift I carefully created and wrapped up for him. “Happy Birthday!” I called out, trying to sound cheerful despite the excruciating pain that was twisting in my chest. Jason instinctively took the gift, “Thanks,” he muttered, taking it from my hands and setting it on a side table without a second thought. My heart broke into a million pieces. But before I could say anything, Amanda brought out a colorful item from her peach-colored Gucci tote bag. “I have something for you, too. lover!” she said with a playful smile. From her bag, she produced a collector’s accessory item by Master Lee, a rare treasure acquired only through a private auction. My jaw dropped as Jason's eyes widened in delight. “I can’t believe you got me this!” he exclaimed, his face beaming with excitement. “I never thought I would ever own a tie clip that amazing! Thanks Amanda.” He picked his fully coiffed ex up in a big hug then kissed her on the cheek. Amanda, in turn, wrapped her hands around his neck and gave him a peck on the lips, but the kiss lingered. He broke away and she glanced at me with a smug expression on her face. Tears clouded my vision, but I blinked my eyes, trying to hold them in. “What the heck was that?” I whispered with my teeth gritting and my voice cracking. He shrugged, looking unbothered. “It was just an innocent birthday greeting. She didn’t mean anything by it.” My fists clenched beside me. “Innocent?!” I hissed, disbelief and anger ringing in my voice. “Stop overreacting,” my so-called boyfriend retorted dismissively. “It’s no big deal, ok?” then he turned and walked away from me. My mind was clouded with memories of my five years of loving him, waiting for him to notice me, sacrificing my dreams just to be by his side. I had given up so much for him: my fashion designing career, my friends, my own happiness, deeply hoping that one day, he would see me as more than just convenient company. Or worse, a replacement… I grabbed the gift I had made for him, which was conveniently at arm’s reach, and threw it at his feet. “We’re done,” I announced, as I began to move away. He didn’t make any attempt to stop me. As I reached the door, his final words that I was never meant to overhear, sliced through me like a knife. “I’ve never really loved her. She just happened to be… always available.” Half an hour later, back at our apartment, I packed my things, trying to ignore the ache in my chest as tears flowed freely down my face. As I folded my clothes, I stumbled upon an old sketchbook: a remnant of the life I had abandoned for Jason. I flipped through the pages, tears dripping on the familiar designs of various apparel that I wanted to bring to life. There, on the paper, was a version of myself I barely recognized. A woman filled with dreams and hopes, long before she had lost herself in the pursuit of love. I shoved the book into my bag, leaving behind the expensive clothes and jewelry I had once worn to impress him. They didn’t matter anymore. My Uber arrived to pick me up, I climbed into the car, my face calm and composed. But as we drove away, the memories clung to me, each mile carrying away pieces of the woman I once was. I stared out the window, my heart heavy, knowing that forgetting everything would take time. Yet somewhere, deep within the pain, a flicker of determination stirred. This time, I wasn’t going back!